Preference, and Perseverance, in Life
by Lyra Harp
Summary: Lillian Wescott knew that she was in trouble when Ratchet called her to the med bay to give her some unfortunate news about her health that even her human physician agrees with. She already had enough problems with Galloway and her aunt, Sonya, who is a soldier in N.E.S.T. Will she be willing to accept the offers of help or will she push everyone away out of fear? OC story
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Transformers (2007), which was directed by Michael Bay, or Transformers: Generation 1.

**Warning:** Um...the base is in the middle of a desert instead of in a city? Yeah...Okay, well, maybe not in the middle of a desert. There are just alot of dirt roads, flat land...and it's near a small town where the main character (my OC) works at...? Just picture the _Transformers_:_ Generation 1 _ark location and you got it. I apologize if I messed up Jazz's dialogue...I still haven't quite gotten the hang of that yet. I may or may not just end up switching it later. Other than that, ProwlxJazz (They _will _be bonded, the Cybertronian version of married, in this fanfiction), some language, and conflicting morals...in the entire story.

N.E.S.T. HQ

3:00 pm

"Hey, Sonya! I've got your olive sandwich."

"Thanks, Lilly."

I handed the sandwich to Sonya before I cringed and closed my eyes momentarily. I felt Sonya staring at me and looked at her. "What?"

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"You know..." She cringed like she had been electrocuted.

"Keyword: optics."

Sonya rolled her eyes. "Lil, olives are not optics."

"Well, they don't look much different. And I highly doubt that they taste much better, either."

"You mean you don't know? I thought you knew everything."

I stared at her. "Well, I haven't exactly had the chance to eat an eyeball in my lifetime." _Not that I would want to_. "And I don't know everything. I'm pretty sure the only ones who do, that I'm aware of, is Primus and God." _Or Jazz and Red Alert_.

"Why both?"

"There can't be multiple gods in a universe with multiple species?"

"No, not that. I just didn't think that you believed in Primus."

"I'm open to many religions."

"How many?"

"Any religion meant for good."

"What about atheists?"

"I have nothing against a person who doesn't believe in any god or chooses not to follow any religion. I judge the person and the soul, not the items or titles associated with the being." She snorted. "Now what?"

"I'd hate to see you encounter a decepticon. You'll either talk it to death or get shot when it gets bored of your rambling."

"It's not rambling."

"Tell me that when you go to war or have to kill to protect yourself, kid."

I watched as she walked away to find a table to eat her sandwich at. I grabbed my bag and walked out the door of N.E.S.T. headquarters. I grabbed my bike and started pedeling.

~0~

"Whoa, hold up. Where's the fire?"

I looked up to see Jazz smirking down at me. _Damn you, Primus_. _You couldn_'_t just let me ride until my legs gave out, could you? _"I would appreciate it if you moved your hand, Jazz." When he didn't move it, I got off my bike and tried to maneuver around his hand...Which ended up being impossible since he kept moving it. I huffed in frustration. "Jazz, move!"

"Not until ya tell meh where yer off to in such a hurry."

I growled low in my throat. _How about I bite your hand instead? _

_What would that accomplish besides having dented and broken teeth?_

I sighed before looking at his hand again. "Nowhere."

"What were ya plannin' ta do in the middle o' nowhere?" _Oh, I don_'_t know_. _Scream at Primus?_

"Nothing."

"How about ya do nothing here instead? I guarantee it'll be less lonely that way."

_I think the point of doing nothing in the middle of nowhere is to be alone_. "Fine." I grabbed my bike before bringing it over to the rock Jazz was currently leaning against. He held out his hand, which I reluctantly jumped on. He brought me up to his shoulder so that I could sit there. I sat there...and only had to look down once before I gripped onto his shoulder for dear life. Jazz may be the shortest of the autobots, but that didn't mean that I felt anymore safe. What if I fell?

"Hey, Lil, ya okay? Yer wound up tighter than a turbo spring."

"F-fine. I just don't like heights."

"I could put you on my lap."

"No thanks." _Too awkward_. "Hey, Jazz. Can I ask ya something?"

"Shoot."

"Why are you out in the middle of nowhere?"

He chuckled. "Patrol."

"Oh." I stared at the horizon before placing my feet more sternly on his plating. "Should I leave then? I mean, if I'm making you loose your concentration-"

"I wouldn't be head of the special ops team if I couldn't divide my attention between multiple events," he said teasingly. "Yer fine the way you are."

"Oh...'Kay."

He chuckled at my response before asking lightly, "Ya nervous 'bout something? Yer kind of...spaced out."

I kicked at imaginary dirt. "N'aw...I mean, not really...I-it-scrap."

He laughed. "Do ya maybe wanna try that again?"

My face heated up at his laugh and my stutter. _Damn you, Primus_. "I...was just...angry. And not for a good reason."

"Hmm. Yeah, ah saw that," he responded teasingly before turning serious. "'Bout what?"

I hesitated. "Some idiot got under my skin."

"Shouldn't you be seeing Ratchet, then?"

I let that sink in before I smiled in amusement. "Oh, it was nothing like that. I just meant..." I sighed. "Okay, so an idiot didn't annoy me. My aunt did...However, her reaction was completely called for considering her profession. I'm just...too open, I guess. I'm open to many religions and don't really follow one myself. Sometimes it just doesn't sink into my head until after a conversation that some people go through certain situations that may make them loose their belief system. That is, if they had one to begin with. Not only that, but-" _By Primus, I_'_m yapping_. "I'm starting to sound like a drone to you, aren't I?"

"Eh? What was that? Sorry, there's this creature yapping in my audio..."

"Jazz!" I complained as I hit his shoulder. I promptly fell off when he started laughing. Luckily, he caught me in his hand before setting me down on the ground.

"Sorry." I snorted in amusement. "So...am 'ah forgiven?"

I smiled. "Maybe."

Without warning, he started playing the one song I loved to hate: I'm too sexy by Right Said Fred.

My lips twisted uncontrollably as I covered my ears. "Jazz, turn that off!"

_I_'_m too sexy for my hair, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy_..._too sexy_...

"Jazz, I'm warning you..."

_Too sexy_..._too sexy_...

I burst out laughing on the ground, abandoning my ears to place my hands on my stomach. "Damn you!" Is the only thing I can seem to spit out in my laughing fit.

When I was done, Jazz poked my stomach. "Ya alive?"

I chuckled at that before pushing his finger away. "Yes, smart guy, I'm alive."

He grinned. "Good! So are ya gonna lay on the ground or do 'ah need ta bring ya back ta base?"

"I can head home on my own." I stood up slowly before looking at Jazz with a smile. "Thanks, Jazz."

"Anytime." He stood up before looking down at me again with a smile. "Catch ya on the flip side, sexy."

I snorted before waving once shyly. "See ya."

He winked before transforming and driving away.

I sighed, breathing out the last of my laughter.

"You like him."

I spun around and stared wide eyed at Blaster, my guardian. _I-it-the-what-? _"When did you get here?"

"I followed your cell phone signal." I looked sideways, cursing myself lightly. _How could I forget about that? _"I decided to hang back and let Jazz take care of the situation when I felt his energy signature was near." He smiled slyly. "Which brings me back to my original-"

"I don't like him."

"Well, you sure looked like you were having fun. You usually never laugh like that."

I glared lightly at him. "Jazz is a good bot, I'll give him that. But I don't like him that way."

"I never said you did." _Oh, slag_.

"Well, you were implying it."

His smile widened. "If you say so."

I huffed in annoyance before Blaster knelt down and held out his hand. "C'mon. I'll give you a lift back to base."

To base. Where Jazz was. And have Blaster try something he thought was funny? _I_ _don_'_t think so_. "Thanks, but I have to go to work."

"Weren't you heading to base anyway?"

"If you were listening, you'd know that I wasn't heading anywhere before I ran into Jazz."

"Ran into as in..."

"Almost literally ran into," I answered with a slight blush as I kicked the kick stand on my bike up. "Are you going to follow me or go back to base?"

He smiled. "I'll catch up with ya, miss sexy."

I gave him a look that said just what I thought of his comment before zooming off. _Smart guy_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers_ (2007). I also cannot take credit for the socket idea, history, or terminology. I had the first chapter of this fanfiction stored away before I started reading the stories on the Sockets account. Although I am not part of the socket community, the gateway for new ideas for this story that it opened was too good to give up or let go to waste. Therefore, I would like to thank Femme4jack, who gave me permission to post the story, and all of the authors who worked on any of the stories on the Sockets account. They include, but are not limited to (yes, I copied and pasted the list): Femme4jack, Aniay (the original co-creator with Femme4jack for the POV verse that helped spawn Dathana de Gray), Gatekat, Chai16, Wilderness, Zomgitsalaura, Fallentaiyoko, Prophetbot, Ace_of_the_arts, Antepathy, Laulun-siivet, sakon76, thepheonixqueen, Flybystardancer, baka_no_neko and Karl Wolfemann. I would explain what I like about the stories and why, but that would take too long and I'm sure you all came here to listen to me ramble when you can just go read them for yourselves. ;)

**Warning: **Mentions LBGTQIA (Lesbian, Bi, Gay, Trans, Questioning, Intersexual, Asexual), ProwlxJazz (They _will _be bonded, the Cybertronian version of married, in this fanfiction), some language, and conflicting morals...in the entire story.

**Lillian POV**

"What is it, Galloway?"

I should have expected this. I should have expected the unexpected with Galloway. I knew that I ran the risk of coming into conflict with him every time that I came to base...The subject matter just disturbed me. Actually, that's wrong. It didn't disturb me. The word used to describe the so-called "issue" did.

"Are you homosexual?"

I stared at him. "Why?"

"I am your superior. You answer to-"

"Not that," I said hastily before he could go into a rant. "I meant why is it important?"

"I do not allow fags on my base." I resisted the urge to snort. _His _base? He didn't own the place. Last time I checked, Optimus was the leader of the autobots and one of them was my family's guardian. I could visit them and my aunt if I wanted to. He couldn't force me out...Could he?

"That word is very disrespectful," I said as evenly as I could. "I expect everyone to treat each other respectfully as-"

_Bam, pow, and down she goes_, I thought sorrowly as Galloway stood up and basically pounded his hands once on his metal desk. _Trying to have an adult conversation with Galloway is like walking on a floor made of egg shells_. Galloway glared at me while I stared at him, waiting. "I honestly expected more from you, Wescott," Galloway began curtly. _Okay, will someone please tell me what the hell I did to tick him off? _I basically screammed in my head. _Because I seriously have no idea_. _This guy is worse than Red Alert, and I say that with absolute certainty_. Galloway sat down in a superior manner. _Why_ _hasn_'_t_ _anyone punched this guy yet? Oh, right, because that would mean victory for him_. _It would give him the right to kick the person who dared _'_defile_'_ him off the base_. _Maybe not for good, but it would prove his point_. "Now will you please just answer the question in a _respectful _manner?"

I stared at him. _If Galloway can_'_t_ _respect people, then I_ _don_'_t_ _want his approval if I play along_. _It_'_ll just come back to bite me in the aft later_..._But I don_'_t want to get kicked off the base_. I placed my hands behind my back and stared straight ahead. "Sir, I am exercising my right under the Fifth Amendment to remain silent." This got me absolutely nowhere, but at least it wouldn't get me kicked off the base. It was a added bonus that it allowed me to never be able to answer Galloway's question.

"Humph. Very well, Wescott. Just know that if I hear you utter a word in my presense, I will expect it to be the answer I desire."

_And what answer would that be, Galloway? Do you want it to be yes so that you can kick me out, or do you want it to be no so that you can watch me like an eagle? Honestly_. I nodded and left his presense, being careful to close the door silently so that he wouldn't put me in the brig for slamming the door. Okay, so he wouldn't do that. But that would mean victory for him for letting him get under my skin. I chuckled mentally as a smile graced my face in amusement. _Maybe_ _I_ am_ turning into Red Alert_.

"What's up, lil' lady?"

I looked up at Jazz. Under normal circumstances I would have said 'you' but I couldn't since I was currently 'exercising my right to remain silent.' I didn't know where Galloway was every second of the day and I didn't know who reported to him. Granted, no one liked Galloway, but I still couldn't break the oath. _Damn_. My shoulders shook silently as I contained the laugh I was about to release. _Who am I kidding? My designation might as well be Red Alert 2_._0_.I made a gesture to Jazz to lower himself to my level. He stared at me in what I could read as amusement. I tapped the socket on my neck before signing 'drive.' Jazz took the hint and transformed after chuckling. Once I was inside his alt mode and we were safely out of the base, I felt comfortable enough to relax against the seat. There's never anyone out in the middle of a desert, anyway.

"Where to, lil' lady? Or can you not tell me?" Jazz chuckled.

"Anywhere is fine."

"She speaks!"

I smacked the dashboard while Jazz laughed. "Yes, I can talk you idiot."

"Then what was with the silent treatment?" He asked teasingly.

"I can't talk in base 'cause of Galloway. That's why I wanted you to plug in. It would be easier to show than tell."

"Ya can show a little more while yer at it," Jazz purred.

I heated up slightly at that suggestion. _Damn it, Blaster_. _What did you tell him? _I smiled nervously. "I appreciate the gesture, Jazz, but I'm not quite ready for that yet."

"Suit yourself," he said as he extended a cable to me to plug in.

I brought the cable up to my neck and shivered slightly as it connected. I ignored the pleasure as much as possible and allowed Jazz to shift through my memories of the morning. "So is it possible?" I asked uncertainly when he was done. "Can he really prevent me from setting foot on base if I am homosexual?"

"Not that ah know of. Maybe ya should talk ta Prowler." I nodded as Jazz turned around. "Hey, Lil?"

"Yeah?"

"Would ya mind if ah cleared somethin' up?"

"Go ahead."

"Are ya?"

I hesitated. "I wouldn't know."

Jazz hesitated. "Are ya sure ya don't want meh to-?"

"I'm fine, Jazz. Really." I tried to softed my voice and eyes as much as possible.

"Right."

**Jazz POV**

"_Prowl_, _Lillian wants to talk to you_. _I_'_m bringing her ta base_."

"_Can you ask her if another time is suitable? I_'_m in the middle of my shift_."

Jazz felt that Prowl's tone sounded...off. _That_'_s not meh Prowler_. "_When does your shift end, Prowl?_"

"_When my work is done, of course_."

Jazz withheld a sigh of frustration. _Definently not meh Prowler_. "_Yer in yer emotionless phase right now, ain_'_t ya?_"

"_It was_-" That was enough of an answer since it wasn't a flat out no.

"_Slaggit, you are, ain_'_t ya? How many times have we been through this, Prowler? You can_'_t_-"

"_My_ _designation_'_s Prowl_."

"_Don_'_t you dare start that again_," Jazz growled heatedly. "_Yer my Prowler and that_'_s it_. _It_'_s a term of affection, Prowl_. _You know that_."

"_Affection is_-"

"_Slaggit!_" Jazz shut off the connection with a huff. His bonded was such an afthead at times! _He knows what shutting off his emotions does to him!_ _What it does to me_...Jazz commed Ratchet. "_Ratchet, prepare the med bay for Prowl_."

"_What_'_s he got himself into now?_"

"_He shut off his emotions again_."

"_Bot never learns, does he?_ _I_'_ll get him, Jazz_. _Don_'_t worry_."

"_Right_." He shut off the connection before focusing on Lillian, who was casually staring out the window. Her blood pressure was higher than normal, however, so he knew that something was wrong. _Looks like meh Prowler ain_'_t the only one practically incapable of asking for help_.

**Lillian POV**

"It turns out that you can't see Prowl today after all."

"Is he okay?"

"Just being an aft."

I smiled slightly even though it wasn't the least bit funny. Prowl was in his office alot...Even more so than the average human workaholic. I frowned, getting serious. "I'm sorry."

"S'kay. It ain't yer fault."

I stared at him before staring out the window with my head casually resting on my hand. _Can_'_t do everything in a day_.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers _(2007) or the _Transformers_: _Generation 1 _characters. I also got the "Blaster, shut up!" line from episode 37 of the _Transformers: G1_ series. XD I love that episode so much. :D

**Warning: **Mentions LBGTQIA (Lesbian, Bi, Gay, Trans, Questioning, Intersexual, Asexual), ProwlxJazz (They _will _be bonded, the Cybertronian version of married, in this fanfiction), some language, and conflicting morals...in the entire story. I'm sorry if I messed up Blaster's dialogue...I have no excuse for that. XD Oh, and Red Alert is less paranoid than usual. Blame it on Inferno...Although I'm not really sure why that would be a bad thing. ;)

Jazz dropped me off at the entrance to the base and said something about meeting up with Prowl before zooming off. I walked straight to Red Alert's security room knowing that Inferno, Blaster, Jazz, and a few choice humans were allowed inside. I knocked on the door before hearing a yelp. I expected the alarms to go off as usual but raised an eyebrow when they didn't. A screen appeared, showing Red Alert. "What is it?"

"Hello Red Alert. I want to talk to Blaster."

"Why?"

"He's my guardian and he's in trouble. That's why." I heard Blaster mutter 'uh oh' in the background. I smiled slightly. _Yeah, you know your in trouble_, I thought smugly.

"Designation?"

"Lillian Wescott. Niece to Sonya Wescott. She has been a soldier of N.E.S.T. for a few years."

I waited a few seconds for Red to look up the necessary information. "Don't stay for too long."

I walked in and got straight to the point. "Blaster, do you know the meaning of the word 'secret' or do you just ignore the whole 'friends trust each other' agreement?"

Blaster grinned. "What do ya mean?"

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "I mean have you spoken with Jazz recently?"

"'Course I have. He's meh best friend. Why? Are ya jealous? Ya know that I'm all yours baby."

"First of all, ew. Never happening and_ never _talk like that again. It's creepy."

"Understood."

"Secondly, I would never be jealous of your friendship with Jazz or anyone else for that matter. I'm glad that you socialize so easily. Now let me ask again. Have you spoken with Jazz recently?"

"'Bout what?"

"You know damn well about what."

Blaster held up his hands in a 'I surrender' gesture. "Easy girl. No need to get your knickers in a twist."

I harrumped while crossing my arms. "Excess comments not appreciated. Get to the point."

"I may have given him hints..."

I growled low in my throat. 'Hints' in Blaster's language were like waving a red flag. "Red Alert, permission to throw something at Blaster's head?"

"Outside in camera's full view."

"Thank you. C'mon Blaster. It's time for target practice and your the target."

"Lilly, is what I did really that bad?"

"_Yes_ Blaster. I told you to keep your mouth shut."

"What did Jazz say that gave me away, anyway?"

"Something about showing more than just memories when he was about to plug a cable in."

"You actually allowed him to connect a cable to your socket?" OMG by Usher played through his speakers.

"_Blaster, shut up!_" I laughed hysterically even though I was embarrassed at the statement simply because it was Blaster telling me this, not a family member. I felt comfortable enough around Blaster to laugh about such things...and then hit the back of his helm with a wrench that Ratchet would let me borrow afterward. It was a mutual agreement: You tick me off, I get to hit you with something. Blaster only accepted because...in essense, I wasn't Ratchet. I couldn't throw an object, such as a wrench, as hard or big as the ones Ratchet threw. Plus my aim wasn't perfect. Far from it. But it served the purpose of releasing stress fairly well.

Blaster sagged his shoulders in a overly dramatic way. "My poor femme doesn't love meh..."

"Oh Blaster, of course I do! I'd be idiotic to not love an outgoing mech such as yourself."

"Really? Oh happy day!" Blaster picked me up in his 'excitement.'

"Ack! Not like that, you idiot!" Blaster snuggled me to his chest all the way to the med bay. When I saw Jazz sitting on a berth, I jumped at the chance for freedom. "Jazz, tell your friend to get off!"

"Yo, mech, ease up. The femme doesn't wanna get squished by ya."

"_Thank_ you," I said when Blaster set me down on a med bay berth closest to Ratchet. "Yo, Ratchet. Toss me a wrench."

Jazz laughed. "Mech, what did ya do that set her off this time?"

"I don't know, man! I swear the femme punishes me 'cause she likes it!"

"Does she now?"

Ratchet ignored them both. "Not exactly the proper method of asking for something, Lillian Wescott."

"Galloway ticked me off this morning."

Ratchet gently tossed a human sized wrench into my palm without further delay. "Fire away."

"Speaking o' Galloway, Lil," Jazz began with a grin. "What happened with the silent treatment?"

"Ignored due to guardian idiocy." I aimed at Blaster's head and wailed the thing at him, managing to get his shoulder. "Woot! New height record."

"Alright miss energy," Ratchet began in amusement at my spike in what would normally be a sedated mood. "Park your aft on that berth. Medical examination time. I highly suggest you two aftheads get on your way, though."

I sat down obediently with my legs crossed. "I don't mind them staying Ratchet."

"Loose your attire."

I looked back at Jazz and Blaster before pointing to the exit with my right hand. "Out."

Jazz sighed dramatically as he got up from the berth that he was sitting on. "We get no love from our dear femme, Blaster."

Blaster patted his back. "It's alright, man. I feel your pain. I'll be your lover for the evening while Prowl's recovering."

"Will ya, Blaster? Gee willikers, how thrilling!"

I broke out laughing and fell over. Jazz's reaction was way too much for me to handle. "Are you two deaf? Out!" I laughed harder when I heard both mechs yelp when Ratchet started throwing wrenches in their general direction, but not at their helms.

I looked up at Ratchet when I calmed down. "Do I really have to change?"

"I only said that to get them out of here. This isn't an average examination, so I felt you would be more comfortable in private."

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, sit down and start explaining, doc bot."

"Just for that, you get the bad news first," Ratchet began teasingly.

"Aw..." I smiled and looked up at Ratchet as he sat on the berth that Jazz was on. I controlled my emotions when the amusement left Ratchet's optics. _Uh oh_. "What is it, Ratchet?"

"Lilly-" _Double uh oh_. _Ratchet never calls me Lilly unless something bad is on the horizon_. I sat up straighter. "I don't know how to tell you this, but-"

My eyes suddenly grew wide. "Is Sonya okay? Did she get damaged in battle? How-?"

"Lillian!" Ratchet said sternly. I shut up. "Relax. Sonya's perfectly healthy. Your the subject here."

I blinked. "How? Last time I checked I was fine."

"According to your human physician, 'fine' doesn't begin to describe it." I blinked again. _Huh? _"I talked with your physician and we both agreed that you need to start having sex."

I calmly stared at Ratchet as my heart constricted. "Why?"

"Do I really need to explain the benefits?"

"No, but intercourse isn't vital to my health."

"Not according to your physician. Both human and autobot," Ratchet continued with a smile. "Lillian, are you really that opposed to it? Have you ever gone through a experience that has made you not like it?"

"Well, no, but this is ridiculous!"

"Really? How so?"

I narrowed my eyes at his look of total confidence. _Smug autobot_, I grumbled mentally. I flailed. "Sex is not vital to my healh!"

"Tell that to Prowl. He's been interfacing with Jazz for vorns and he's been-"

"TMI, Ratchet."

"How is it too much information? You need fantasizes to at least engage in masturbation."

"_Ratchet!_"

"What?"

My face was on fire at his amusement. "Not funny. I do not want images of Prowl and Jazz interfacing rolling around in my head."

"Not according to your blood pressure." I flailed wordlessly at the insanity of this situation. Ratchet took that as a way of telling him to continue. "Your blood pressure rises everytime you see one of them. If that's not enough to convince you, your-" I covered my ears while Ratchet chuckled. I knew that the reaction was childish, but this was ridiculous! "Lilly," Ratchet said sterny. I sighed, straightened up and looked at Ratchet. "You seriously need to start engaging in intercourse. You're thirty years old. You'll loose use of your vagina if you don't. If you don't start now and start later, there will be immense, unavoidable pain. The only way to avoid this situation all together is if you are asexual. Are you?"

"According to you, I'm not," I mumbled.

"Come again? Mind explaining that comment?" I glared at him. "Please, Lillian. I'm your physician. You know the rules that go with that."

"I don't know what I'm attracted to besides personality," I said seriously. "I've never been on a date in my life, Ratchet. Scratch that. I've never been with_ anyone _in my life. I'm used to sexual solitute."

"Your not use to_ sex_."

I glared at him. _Forget it_. "Can I get down now, Ratchet?"

"This meeting isn't over."

"I say it is," I growled as the tears threatened to form.

"Lil-"

"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings," I spat at him. "Get me down before I go psycho."

Ratchet sighed before complying. "We'll talk when you're ready."

I ignored him and walked straight out of the med bay to find a certain weapon specialist. If anyone would understand the need to fire a gun to calm down, it would be Ironhide.

~0~

I never wanted to have sex. I never had that urge to. I labeled myself as bisexual around my family because I'm only attracted to personality and the female human species is generally more patient and understanding. However, I didn't want to become attracted to a male on the off chance later on and then have my family joke about how 'I was never attracted to females. I was just experimenting.' I would never have a relationship based on sex. I can't have sex every day, week, or month. Hell, I would be surprised if I tolerated it once a year. I can't be with a random person, or autobot, just because it's 'doctor's orders.' I have to care for the person, trust them and be open with them naturally. I would expect the same from them. It wouldn't be fair in a relationship for only one person to share all and have the other not share all of the details. If you really trust a person, all barriers should be brought down. Whatever happened to casual Q&A sessions? Is that even normal anymore? Was that ever standard?

I snorted. _Who cares if that_'_s standard? I_'_m straight forward_. _I expect other people to be with me_.

_Why the hell is sexuality so damn complicated for humans to wrap their heads around? Primus should just hand us a relationship guide_. '_How to make your relationship last for a millenia_.' _It_'_s not like we live half that anyway_.

I sighed. _Why am I so concerned about this? I_'_m in a freaking military base_. _Sex should be the last thing on my mind! It shouldn_'_t even be on my mind, but_..."_You_'_ll loose use of your vagina if you don_'_t have sex soon_." _As I said to Ratchet before, sex isn_'_t vital to my health_. _However, would I regret not having that experience at least once in my life with either a human or an autobot? It_'_s not like everyone gets the chance to orgasm at the hands of a alien_. _Hell, not everyone gets the chance to see a alien_. _Alien? Since when did I start thinking of the autobots as aliens? Since when did I even _think _about considering using an autobot for pleasure? What is the matter with me? They_'_re our allies, our friends, our_...My hands tightened on the gun I was holding as I thought about the primary use of the sockets that Ratchet put into humans on base that agreed to it. _Oh great_. _Now I want to punch something_.

I looked at the gun in my hand before dropping it like it was on fire. _The hell_..._I used a gun_, I thought, horrified. _I just used a freaking gun_. I stepped away from it. _Damn it_. _I went against another oath_. _I promised myself I would never use a gun_. _Here I am rambling on about religion, peace, and relationships_..._I just used a gun_. _By Primus, I just used a gun_. _Violence, hatred, and destruction_.

I slapped the side of my head. _Wake up! Sometimes violence is a necessary precaution for peace! _

_No it isn_'_t!_

_Pick up the damn gun and bring it back to Ironhide, then! Stop rambling on about morals, peace, love, and war! You know what you_'_re like afterward! You don_'_t think the autobots have reflected upon the same issues? You blabbed to Jazz about religion when you forgot that he_'_s in a war! He_'_s in the same position as your aunt! _

_Don_'_t you dare judge Jazz_. I picked up the gun as tears threatened._ I don_'_t know Jazz_. _Not really_. _I barely know any of them_. _I know the surface_..._But I don_'_t know them, as is their right_. _They can choose to tell humans about their past or not_. _It_'_s not my right to expect them to_. _I_ _can_'_t expect them to_. _I treat this base like my home and I_'_m not even a soldier_. _My aunt may be, but that doesn_'_t give me the right to wander around like I own the place_. _That doesn_'_t give me the right to talk back_..._True, Galloway is_..._not the nicest or understanding person_..._but he asked a question and a question deserves a proper answer_.

_Not while your still questioning yourself_. _It_'_s not fair for you to answer the question when you don_'_t even know the answer_.

I froze when I felt something pick me up from the back of my shirt. Considering my previous thoughts I was a little spooked. "Hey!" I said before randomly shooting the gun.

"Hey yourself! Watch where ya point that thing!"

I froze and dropped the gun before looking up. "Jazz? What are you doing here?"

Jazz smirked. "Ironhide said ya looked ticked and that ya wanted to borrow a gun. Ah figured that that can only led ta trouble."

I snorted before smiling nervously. "Can you put me down?"

"Magic words, anyone?"

Normally I would have retaliated with a joke, but I wasn't in the mood after picking apart my morals one by one. "Please. I don't like heights."

He slowly put me down before sitting and staring at me as I picked up the gun again. "What happened?"

I waved my hand absently as I turned toward the target again. "It's nothing." _Conflicting morals and sexuality, that ain_'_t nothing_. I turned and stared at Jazz. _He_'_s beautiful, graceful and funny, I can_'_t deny that_. _He cares about people_. _About humans_. _All of the autobots do, despite the fact that some of them don_'_t show it_.

_Hm_..._What does that sound like? It_'_s so familiar_...

_Oh shut up_, I thought in amusement. My lips twitched upward slightly. _I have my life_. _I have time to think about it_. _I can_'_t let myself fall_._ I doubt any autobot, Blaster, Jazz, and Ratchet included, would let me_.

"On second thought, scratch that. It's not nothing. I'm questioning myself but I'm too confused to talk about it. I tried shooting to distract myself but its not working. Is there something you can think of that might?"

Jazz grinned. "Ah got jus' the thing."

~0~

"Truth and dare?" I asked skeptically. "You serious?"

"Hells yeah, lil' lady. You ain't heard of this version before though, trust meh." _Like I trust Primus_, I thought sincerely.

I leanned back against Jazz's finger that he was currently using to rub my back with. I may not enjoy the idea of sex, but I have no problems with friendly comfort.

"Yo, Romeo an' Juliet," Skids said as I was actually starting to drift off. "You playing or what?"

_Skids, you better hope that my spin doesn_'_t land on you_.

"Chill, mech," Blaster said in amusement as he spun the bottle.

I watched as it spinned and landed on me. I narrowed my eyes at it and crossed my arms. "This isn't remote controlled, is it?"

"Nooo," answered Skids.

"N'aw, course not," assured Jazz.

I raised an eyesbrow slightly. "Riiight. Okay, Blaster, what's my fate?"

"Truth. Have you ever felt attracted to another species?"

"Yes."

"Which one?" asked Mudflap.

I smirked. "Wait your turn man."

Jazz and Blaster chuckled.

Jazz leaned down and touched the bottle. "Meh' turn."

The bottle spinned and landed on...Mudflap. Maybe the bottle was Wheelie or Brains? The bottle didn't exactly look like it was made of glass.

"Jazz..."

I looked up at Mudflap to see that he was glaring at Jazz. Jazz had a smirk on his face. "Truth. What's in Sunstreakers and Sideswipes high grade?"

"I don't know." Jazz stared at him. "Seriously, I don't know. It's so top secret that Skids and me (I know that it's supposed to be "I" don't kill meh!) don't know."

"But they're yer family, man."

"Every family has its own secrets, Jazz," I reminded him before looking at Skids. "Your turn."

He nodded before spinning it. It landed on me again. _Damn_. Skids smirked. "Dare. Go say something to Prowl ta make him glitch."

"C'mon, Skids! Cut me some slack! Prowl will either send me to the brig afterward or Ratchet will throw a human sized wrench at my head!"

"You decided to play didn't ya? That means that ya have ta follow the rules."

I huffed. "Fine." I stood up before pointing a finger at Jazz. "If you record this Jazz, your next on the hit list."

He held up his hands with a smile on his face. Skids spoke in his place. "Yer stalling!"

I directed my glare toward him before turning around and going to Prowl's office. I took a hasty breath before knocking on the door. "Come in."

I walked in when the door began to lift up. "Hello Prowl."

"Is something the matter, Lillian?"

"No. Why?"

"Your blood pressure is high." _Damn it_. _Why the hell is Ratchet always right?_

"I just witnessed something that I really didn't want to witness..." I muttered. "Ever."

"Is someone hurt?"

I winced slightly as my blood pressure rose. "Um...not exactly." _C_'_mon, he_'_s not going to hurt you!_

"Lillian, you're being awfully vague. If you can't-"

"Ironhide!" I blurted out.

"Pardon?"

_Scrap scrap scrap! Ironhide is going to have my head!_

"N-n-nothing. Forget I mentioned it!"

"Lilly." Prowl said when I started to run out. I stopped and looked at him. "What happened to Ironhide?" He asked gently. My heart clenched. _Please stop looking at me like that_..._Damn you Skids! Prowl_'_s a good bot, why-? _"Lilly?" He probbed.

"Ironhide...um...Well there's nothing really wrong with him...It's just that I saw him...um..." I winced slightly again, trying not to breath hard.

"Go on."

"I saw Ironhide and Bumblebee making out in Wheeljack's lab!"

I saw Prowl's eyes dilate. "What?"

"I was on my way to Red Alert's security room when-"

"Red Aleft?"

"He wanted me to meet him in his office for something. Mentioned something about high grade. Anyway, that's...not the point! Ironhide and Bumblebee were making out and...Wheeljack just stared at them! I mean, I have nothing against their relationship...but Wheeljack watching is just...and the door was open! I mean, it, the-I'll go get Ratchet."

Prowl fell to his desk the moment I associated Red Alert with high grade. I just kept it up to make sure that he was really offline since I really didn't want to make Skids hold it against me if I didn't complete the job.

I commed Ratchet on my phone.

"Lillian, is-?"

"Ratchet, Prowl needs you."

"What?"

I wanted to bang my head on the wall. "I'm in Prowl's office. He's offline. I...I think he glitched."

I heard him sigh. "I'm on my way. What happened?"

"I don't know...I just started talking and...Look, can you tell him that I said that I am sorry when he wakes up?"

"What-?"

"I have to go," I said quickly before hanging up and running to the rec room. I promptly hid behind Jazz as I watched Ratchet go to Prowl's office. When he was gone, I glared at Skids. _You are _so_ lucky that I don_'_t have a gun right now_.

"What?"

I stayed behind Jazz so that Ratchet wouldn't see me if he came by. When I was sure than Ratchet was gone, I sat on Jazz's thigh, too angry to even consider asking. "Who's next?"

"You, girl," Blaster said in amusement.

I smiled slightly before spinning the bottle. It landed on Blaster. I snickered at his look of horror. "Your fate, man..." I walked diagonally across from the mini twins so that I wasn't near Jazz. "Is simple. Kiss Jazz."

"Ya do realize Prowl will kill me?" Blaster said seriously.

I waved him off. "No he won't. I already made him glitch and I'm the one who told you to kiss him. He'll come after me, not you." _Which is fine by me_. I glanced over at Jazz. _Well, he is bonded to Prowl_... "Unless passes are allowed in this game. Are they?"

"They ain't," Jazz said.

I looked at Blaster before he could run. "Besides, I never said that the kiss had to be on the lips. Just a friendly peck on the cheek, forehead or hand is fine."

"Fine, fine," Blaster said quickly before going over to Jazz and kissing him on the forehead. The mini twins chuckled as Blaster went back to his spot. He hit their helms on the way. "Your next," Blaster said as he pointed at me in deadly amusement.

I crossed my arms and smiled. "Fine by me."

He spun the bottle and it landed...right between the twins. _Primus kill me_, I thought as Blaster smirked and I frowned.

"Twins, kiss Lil."

"An organic, mech?"

"I ain't happy 'bout it either, Skids," I said after sighing. "Just do it." I felt my body tingle when the twins pressed their metalic lips to my hands. Truth be told, I wasn't sure if it was the instinct to pull away or my body's way of trying to get use to the sensation. It really didn't feel any different than soft metal on smooth skin.

"Ya okay, Lil?" Blaster asked teasingly.

"Shut up, Blaster," I grumbled as the bottle landed on me. I glared at Mudflap.

He held up his hands in surrender. "Truth. Which species and why?"

"Does it have to be one that I've met?"

"It can be fictional," he said after a moment, probably thinking that I would offline him for saying otherwise.

I tilted my head to the side. "Hmm...Martian."

"Those little green men?" Skids asked uncertainly.

I chuckled. "There have been different variations...But essentially, yes. As to why..." I shrugged. "The mental communication appealed to me. It's been thought of as fiction until you guys showed up."

Jazz leaned down. "Meh turn."

I raised an eyebrow when it landed on me again. "Is that allowed?"

"Yes," Blaster said in amusement.

Jazz grinned. "Dare. Think up a way ta prank someone and execute it."

I blinked. "Right now?"

"I'll give ya a week."

I nodded before spinning the bottle. I smiled when it landed between the twins again. "Mini twins, go embarrass the twins."

"With pleasure," they said at the same time.

Blaster and Jazz chuckled when they left. "You do realize that you'll be the next on the twins prank list, right?" Blaster asked.

I frowned. "Scrap."

They laughed again. I joined in when we saw and heard the twins chase the mini twins down the hallway closest to the rec room.

"_Lillian Wescott!_" _Scrap_, I thought as I scrambled to my feet and met my aunt halfway, which was only a couple of feet from Blaster. "What the hell is that rumor that I've been hearing about? The one where you are on a silent strike?" I stared at her. _Who told? _"Well? Is it true?" I placed my hands behind my back and looked straight ahead over Sonya's shoulder. "It is, isn't it?" I bowed. It was the only way to say that I was sorry in this current situation. "Lilly..." My body snapped up straight at the tone in her voice and the grip on my arms grew tighter so that there would be nail marks later. _Don_'_t say what I think you are about to say_. "Did it...? Did it happen again?" she stage whispered. "Are you...questioning yourself?" _So much for being subtle and keeping this underwraps_, I thought sadly. _What the hell do you mean by again, anyhow? _"Oh Lilly," she said gently. _Don_'_t you dare take pity on me, Sonya_. _I don_'_t care if you scream_. _Just_ _don_'_t use that tone with me_. "It's alright. We've talked this over. The family." _Oh really? When were these private family discussions going to be brought to my attention?_ "It's alright to question it. We love you." My nails dug into my skin, drawing blood. "I did offer you classes. You know, for this. I would be happy to pay for them. All you have to do is go. Your family supports you, Lilly. You can make the change anytime you want." _To what? What change, Sonya? To become straight? Is that what you want? Do you want me to make that change to have a family, to continue the generation? I can_'_t do that, Sonya_. _I_ _won_'_t follow that expectation_. _I don_'_t want to follow that path_. _I don_'_t want kids_. _I_ _don_'_t want a husband_._ I don_'_t want sex_. _Damn it, not again_. _I thought I was set on ignoring this issue_. "Lilly?" Sonya asked urgently as silent tears began to fall down my face. "Lilly, what's wrong? It's not too late, Lilly. You don't have to worry." _Sonya, you don_'_t know me! You don_'_t know what I want! _"Why won't you speak to me? To anyone?"

"I believe she's 'exercising her right to remain silent,'" Galloway quoted smugly. "I can explain it to you in private, if you like."

"That's hardly necessary," Sonya said bitterly.

My eyes glazed over to her. Well, the blurry blob that looked like her, anyway. _Sonya? _I looked at Galloway. _Galloway? _My eyes widened slightly before going blank as Galloway sent a look my way. _You have got to be kidding me_. _Sonya and Galloway? When the hell did that happen? _"That's alright. I believe we can discuss it later. Whenever you're ready, of course." He turned around and walked away smugly. _A wrench would be so helpful right now_.

"Lillian," Sonya said harshly. "Talk. Now."

_Here I was thinking that more blood couldn_'_t be drawn_, I thought as I felt blood trail across and down my arms. I was seriously considering slapping her when Blaster began to usher her away. I ignored the look he gave me and turned around. I gestured for Jazz to lower himself to my level. He transformed and I got in the passenger seat. "I'll take ya ta Ratchet," Jazz said neutrally. I appreciated the lack of emotion and nodded. I leanned my head against the seat and fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers _(2007), _Transformers_:_ Generation 1_, or the socket universe (history, terminology, etc.).

**Warnings: **I sometimes use Cybertronian terminology to describe human body parts for the lack of...awkwardness on my part. Lillian is not a techno-organic. She picked up the terminology after spending fifteen years with the autobots.

I knew that Ratchet was going to kill me for climbing through the vents so shortly after receiving an injury, but the injury seemed to charge something in me that wanted to rebel. The only thing that kept me from falling into trouble was the map that Wheeljack had made for me ten years ago.

"_Lillian, is something the matter?_"

_I blinked before switching from looking at the rafters to looking at Optimus_. "_No, Optimus, nothing is wrong_. _I was just wondering if it would be possible to climb through the air vents safely_."

"_Is there a reason why you would want to attempt such a thing?_"

"_It_'_s on my list of things to do before my hearts dies out_. _The only reason is that, in theory, it would be fun_. _There_'_s a certain adrenaline rush to it_. _I_'_m certain it_'_s safer than skydiving, but I wouldn_'_t want to turn a corner and end up falling fifty feet down a shoot_."

"_I_'_m sure if you asked Wheeljack for a map and Ironhide_-"

"_Thanks Prime! Bye!_"

_I ran out of the room before Prime could question what he said and whether or not he should have said anything_.

Wheeljack, of course, had the map ready within the solar cycle. Unfortunately, the map turned into one of those things that was left in my desk for years simply because I lost interest when Ironhide managed to lift me all the way to the top of the vents. Apparently, I didn't have the wits to _not _look down once I was up there.

This time, I tried a different method. Jazz stored his metalic body in Blaster's room after lifting me up into one of the lowest vent openings in the base. His holoform followed me for two reasons. The first was that "he was bored." I honestly think he just wanted to get out of work, but I had no complaints for the second reason. If I started hyperveniating for whatever reason while I was up there, I didn't want to be stuck and have the base freak out. I already had enough reasons for Prowl to throw me in the brig. I didn't need another one...Including adding expenses for the base by freaking out Red Alert so much that he put cameras in the vents as well as the hallways.

I was fine with Jazz coming along until he started playing halfway through the maze of vents. I yelped when he 'accidently' placed his hand on my aft. I would've told him to cut it out if my voice didn't echo. It was better for someone to think I hit my head or a pant leg got caught on a bolt than for the awkward misunderstanding that I was being seduced via sabuter. I very well might have been, but I wasn't about to call Prowl and ask. Once again, I already had enough reasons for him to throw me in the brig.

By the time we got back to Blaster's quarters, I was shaking. Despite the fact that Jazz was the head of the special ops team, he wasn't subtle when it came to seduction. He made it quite clear to me what he wanted while we were in the vents, but I wasn't about to encourage him. The last thing I wanted was for _that_ to echo into everyone's audios. Red Alert would have a field day trying to find the exact location of the noise. Ratchet would hit me with a wrench for making Red glitch_ again_.

Unfortunately, the moment I jumped out of the vents, cables out of nowhere grabbed me and pinned me to Blaster's berth. Jazz plugged a cable into my socket while he was at it, sending an onslaught of pleasure through my nervous system to distract me.

"Jazz, stop! I can't do this! Stop!"

Jazz chuckled. "Relax, lil' lady. Don't worry 'bout nothing."

I gasped and shook as I tried to control my actions as Jazz sent more impulses through my system. "J-J-Jazz," I stuttered out as my back arched. _Let me go_.

"Maybe this will help," Jazz said gently as he projected a female holoform on top of me.

"Look at me," she said gently. I looked up at her, chest shaking. My hands shook in Jazz' grasp. "Relax," she said as she lowered her head to my neck. When she did that, I froze for a second as I looked at Jazz. His optics were red. _That_'_s why he_-My thought was cut off mid sentence as the female holoform bit down on sensitive flesh and Jazz sent more impulses to dull the pain. "I_ said_," the female began in deadly amusement. "Relax."

_So it_'_s cannibalism and bondage_. _That_'_s what pleasure is nowadays? Torture? _

_I did not eat your flesh_, the female thought aggressively.

I raised an eyebrow at Jazz, who managed to look sheepish even with his red eyes. _I don_'_t have total control yet_.

_Well that_'_s reasurring_.

_I simply bit down gently_, she thought in a softer tone._ I thought humans enjoyed an adrenaline rush from it_.

_Not all humans like this sort of thing_. _Please, Jazz, let me go already_.

"Sorry, Lil," Jazz said as the cables tightened around my wrists and ankles. "But ya need this. Doc's orders."

I couldn't even begin to comprehend that statement as Jazz sent an onslaught of pleasurable impulses through my system and the vision before me faded to white.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers _(2007) or _Transformers_:_ Generation 1_.

I awoke sluggishly. My mind and vision were blurry and I had to blink several times to clear both. When I attempted to move, panic crept in when I felt pain. I sat straight up and looked around immediately. _Med bay_...I thought in confusion. _For the bite I received? _I waited for my skin to pick up sensations and lifted up my arms to examine them. I could feel the individual marks under the thin white bandage. _So they haven_'_t healed_..._Which means that that was_...I groaned as I flopped back to the berth. _I need to start making rules for my subconscious_.

"_Good morning San Diego!_" I blinked at the announcer voice behind my head but didn't bother looking.

"Hello Blaster," I said tiredly as my heart slowly started calming down from the initial shock.

"Idiot," Ratchet muttered before wacking Blaster lightly with a wrench. "Don't give your own charge a heart attack. I have enough to deal with."

"_Yes, sir!_"

"What's the damage, Ratchet?"

"There are a total of nine wounds. The deepest wound was by half an inch. They'll heal within a month, give or take." I didn't have to ask what the 'give or take' part was. It all depended on how 'reckless' I was within the healing process.

"Blaster?"

"Sonya's on a mission. Prime thought it was a good idea to seperate you two for a time. He said you both deserve a break...Just in different ways. Sonya relax's on missions. Prime told me to tell you to relax however you see fit given you follow Ratchet's medical orders."

_My job doesn_'_t exactly require alot of energy_, I thought begrudidly.

_You_'_ll go back to your job after your wounds have healed_. _Ratchet will have a fit if you work_. _Since you_'_re a waiter, any number of things can happen while working_. _Plates or glasses can break and the pieces can get caught in your wounds_. _Hot food or drinks could come into contact with the wounds and cause a burn on top of them_. _Plus you can_'_t exactly work for as long as you normally do or carry as much if your arms are full of wounds_.

I accepted the knowledge calmly before my tired mind finally turned on completely. I was now completely aware of the cable attached to my neck. _Out_.

_Not happening, Lil_.

I winced, but not from the wounds on my arms. _You used that name on purpose_, I thought accusingly.

_Yes_, Blaster thought sympathetically. _Look, Lilly_, he said seriously. _We need to talk_.

_Did you know about the family discussions?_

_No_.

I nodded mentally. _Did you see my dream just now?_

_Yes_.

_Is Jazz_..._?_

_That_'_s for him to tell you_.

_I need to speak with Prowl_.

_Lilly-_

_Blaster, please_, I thought urgently. _I_ _can_'_t keep doing this_. _I at least have to deal with one of the issues now_.

_I_'_ll set up a comlink-_

_No_, I thought seriously. _You will do no such thing_. _This needs to be done in person, Blaster_. _I respect Prowl and I need to apologize to him in the most respectful way I know how_.

_After asking a favor_.

_Before asking a question_. _I will not ask a favor_. _Optimus has already helped enough without prompt_. _Prowl may be busy, but I need to do this and it will only take a moment_. _Please, Blaster_.

_Ask Ratchet_.

_No need_.

_Am I on survailence? _I thought begrudidly.

_Private comlink_, Ratchet explained in amusement. _And not in a way that won_'_t benefit you_. _Blaster, take her to Prowl_, Ratchet thought before Blaster disconnected the cable.

~0~

I knocked on the door to Prowl's office. "Prowl? It's Lillian Wescott."

"Come in," he said without a moments delay.

"Hello Prowl," I said politely.

"Good morning, Lillian," Prowl said with a slight indication of his head. "What brings you to my office?" he asked as he politely lifted me up to his desk. This was most likely done just to save time. Every autobots desk now has a rope ladder attached to it for convenience.

I inclined my head to him in thanks before jumping off. Prowl put me in the center of his desk. There was a small stack of datapads to my right. No doubt he had worked extremely hard just to get the pile down to that. I bowed with my eyes and head downward. I knew that it was standard for equals to look at each other when bowing and that the bow I was certainly sporting was twice the angle indication that was required for my current situation, but I couldn't help being somewhat self conscious around Prowl. _I_'_m basically a lazy insect compared to him_. _Although I certainly don_'_t drink for a living, I don_'_t spend allnighters getting work done for weeks at a time_. "I am incredibly sorry for disrupting your work yet again but I had to take this time to apologize. I have interrupted your schedule in terms of processor crashes. One of which I am afraid was done on purpose for a dare of all things, and the next will be for a prank that I feel obligated to warn you about even though I am sure that this is not standard and ultimately not allowed to tell the second in command about such a prank." _Your rabbling_. _Wrap it up and get out_. "Although I cannot tell you how to do your job because it is not my right to do so, I am requesting that you punish me for causing you trouble and not the ones who dared me to participate in events I would otherwise not engage in. I participated under my own free will and I will not allow others to take the blame for my carelessness. I am afraid that previous events have caught me offguard in a way that I am all too familiar with. Though that is just a mesily excuse."

"Lillian." I stood up straight and looked Prowl directly in the optics. "I am well aware of your current situation. I was in the med bay during your examination." I couldn't ignore the way my face prickled with heat. _Primus, did I do something to annoy you in a past life or am I just naturally a bad luck magnet? Well_...I thought in dark amusement. _Better than being a decepticon magnet_.

"How much?"

"Beginning to end," he said honestly. "Jazz visited me before you entered."

_Something should have clicked when I saw Jazz just sitting there_. _He did say that he was going to see Prowl_. "I didn't see you."

"I was attempting to rest. However, I have found over the years that that is a difficult task after Jazz visits me. My spark is in a constant figurative battle with my battle computer. It appears you are currently having the same issue."

_On second thought, a decepticon invasion would be very helpful right now_. "I don't know what Ratchet told you, but I don't need help."

"We are here to provide it," he said gently. "In _any_ way."

I stared him down at that. _I never thought in my entire life that I would have a staring contest with Prowl_. "I appreciate the offer immensely but I cannot except. As you can see..." I help up my arms even though they were already visable to his optics. "I have enough problems with my aunt and Galloway."

"Intercourse can help both autobot and human alike in difficult situations," Prowl added in a way that left it completely open to discuss. _Somehow_ _it_'_s not as awkward discussing this with Prowl than Ratchet_. _Hm_..._maybe because he_'_s not an aft about it? _"I understand you have another question as well. Jazz mentioned it before he visited me in med bay."

"That's where Galloway comes in. Is it possible for him to kick me off the base because of my sexual orientation?"

"No. That is not his jurisdiction." _Ha! _I thought with a slight smile. "According to your government's laws, gays and lesbians are now allowed to openly serve in the military." I frowned again as my ego left my analytical brain. _There_'_s a catch_. "However, since you are not a soldier, you can be 'kicked off the base' by any superior of autobot or human jurisdiction simply because you are a citizen. This includes Maggie, Simmons, Galloway, Prime, Jazz, Ratchet, and I. Although Prime can overide Galloway's command naturally, I'm afraid that he cannot level with him if Galloway provides your president's consent."

I crossed my arms. "So if Galloway, for whatever reason, decides to ban me from base, he can do that? Even if that seperates me from my guardian?"

"Blaster would be able to freely travel back and forth between your location and the base, but you will not be allowed to enter the premises."

_Well that sucks_. "So I won't be able to see any of you?"

"We would be in the same predicament as Blaster." _Trypticon_ _should just eat Galloway_, I thought in distaste. "You do, however, have a right to see your aunt. It has been cleared by Optimus for you to visit her whenever you wish granted she is not in training. So even if Galloway kicked you off the base, your aunt does live here and visiting hours would be set up. You would, of course, have to be on your best behavior as a visitor." _In other words, no ticking off Galloway_. _I could live with that_. "Neglecting to do so would result in visitor pass suspension as well."

"Thank you, Prowl."

"Your welcome. Now, as far as this prank you are planning..." _Me and my mouth_, I thought in amusement. "Jazz has already informed me of the consequences. Since he has already informed me that you do not break promises, I do not intend to stop you. You may proceed with the planning with three conditions."

"Name them."

"No broken cameras. Keep the event within video survailence." I raised an eyebrow. "Red Alert likes to use them for blackmail whenever someone tries to drag him out of his office." _Well that_'_s good to know_.

"What's the other one?"

"No processor crashes," he said with a slight smile.

I winked. "No problem. I'll let you know where the event is so you can avoid it."

"I'm sure Jazz will replay it anyway," Prowl said as he lowered me to the ground. "But thank you."

I nodded as I jumped off. "Thank you for answering my questions. Before I go, there's just one more thing I want to tell you."

"What's that?"

"If you see any of the bots around here painted a different color, don't ask why. Just don't."

"Understood."

Once I was outside, Blaster picked me up with a raised optic ridge. "Paint before the date?"

"All part of the master plan, Blaster my man."

With that, Master Plan by Adam Lambert played as we traveled across the base. _Can't trust a mech to avoid the warning system_.

I frowned when we reached the base entrance. "Wait, what date?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers_ (2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation 1_.

The following songs were used in this chapter:

Mr. Personality by Giselle

Dance Like An Idiot by Lemon Demon

Sera Sera by Shakira

Dum tek tek by Simo ft. Hasna

Qele-Qele by Sirusho

Caliente by Inna

If You Play Your Cards Right by Alicia Myers

**Warning: **I changed Blaster's alt. mode to human size.

Cheasy pick-up lines and extreme awkwardness that will make you groan in dread...Before throwing something at the author's head. :D *Wack* XP

"Blaster, this is ridiculous."

"You need this, Lil."

"Remind me why I have to carry you, again?"

"Because Prime hasn't given us autobots clearance yet to appear in public...? Unless you want people crowding you while trying to court a femme-"

"Fine, fine. Wait, who said that I was going to court a female?"

"You did. When you said that you would come with me."

"I meant to look at females, not flirt with one. I am not bringing a stranger home, female or not. I'm not that sort of person."

"I never said you would have to. I just want to know what you find physically appealing."

"I could have just told you."

"Yeah, but do you even know? _They call you Mr_. _Personality!_"

I kicked Blaster. "Stupid radio," I muttered as I saw people across the street. "Thing never works right."

"I object," Blaster said when the small group left hearing distance.

"Blaster, we should go back to base. What if my boss see's me?"

"Now your just grasping at straws."

"Well if I'm picking up girls, what's my excuse for not working?"

"I imagine the situation would be different if you were picking up girls at night. And as far as your excuse..." I yelped as an electric shock ran through my body. "Be creative. Heads up, Lil."

"Nice radio."

I nearly froze at the smile thrown at me. _Chill, femme_, I reminded myself. _Relax_. _No need to freak someone out by being a wound up_..._What was it Jazz called it? Turbo spring_. I relaxed more against the tree and gave her my own easy smile. _Just act like Jazz and you_'_ll be fine_. "Thanks."

"Where'd you get it? Vintage RS?"

I chuckled as she passed me. I frowned at Blaster when she left hearing range. "Well that went well."

"Don't look at me. You were the one made of stone."

"Well forgive me if I've never done this."

"Lil, do you even have any pick-up lines?"

"No..."

"Liar."

"Fine, I do. But they're terrible."

"Throw me a line."

"If you were a book I would totally check you out. Here's my card?"

"Do I even want to know where you got that?"

"No." I looked around casually. There was literally no one on the street. "Blaster, why did we come this early in the morning, anyway? The town has barely woken up."

"Do you want to get hit on in a club at midnight when someone is more likely to drag you away somewhere?" I looked across the street. My grip tightened slightly. "Exactly. It's safer this way. Lil?" My grip relaxed and I looked at Blaster. "Are you afraid of men?"

I sighed. "I'm afraid of one taking advantage...So, yes. I'm cautious around them. I know that I'm at least on equal footing in some way with a female, even if said female was a hell of a lot stronger than me and could take some mean punches." I closed my eyes and sighed again. "If it came right down to it," I whispered. "I would much rather have a female attack me than a male...Even if the female was buff and the male was scrawny. The fear factor would only be there with a male. It would be instinctive fighting with a female."

"Lil, are you afraid of rape?"

"Like I said," I whispered. "Only with males."

"Even mechs?"

"Not really. Well, no...I shouldn't say that. If it was a decepticon, then yes. I trust the autobots with my life. That includes my virginity. That is something that I cannot compromise."

"Even if someone else was in danger?"

"Throw me a line."

"Another female is getting attacked by a male."

"Call the cops, jump the guy from behind and choke him to the ground."

"Choke him?"

"I'd only choke him so much that I would be able to handcuff him to a pole."

"Handcuffs? Are those certified?"

"Probably not. But I would never go out at night without protection."

"Pepper spray?"

"Not yet."

"Lil..."

"I'm cautious, Blaster. That's it."

"You sound like Red Alert."

"I know," I whispered seriously as I looked at the sunrise.

I looked at Blaster when I heard him changing stations. "Let's change the subject. Show me your moves."

I blinked at him. "Moves?"

"Ya know...Your dance moves."

"They're kind of ancient at this point, Blaster."

"Name them."

"Moonwalk...flamenco...belly dancing...scientist in 1984..." I chuckled at the last one. I needed to start listening to new music.

"So the 80's and anything Spanish, Egyptian or Arabic? Is that right?"

"Yep."

"Hang on a sec." I watched him in curiousity as he changed the station multiple times.

"Nothing too loud," I warned him. "I don't want to wake people up."

"There's no houses down here, Lil," Blaster said in amusement.

"Someone still might call the police if it's too loud." Blaster gave me a sample of a song from the eighties. I pursed my lips and shook my head. "Pick something I can swing my hips to. I don't care what language it's in."

"I thought you weren't one for putting on a show."

I smirked. "No one's around. It's just to get over any self consciousness I might have." I laughed when he started playing Sera Sera by Shakira. _You took the suggestion literally, huh?_ I thought as I settled into the movements anyway. Blaster played several other songs including: Dum tek tek by Simo ft. Hasna, Qele-Qele by Sirusho, and Caliente by Inna.

_I wanna make make make make you feel, _

_Make make make make you dance_.

_Make make make make you feel_-

I froze mid hip swing when the lyrics of the song sank into me. They are innocent in a sense, but they might give the wrong impression to the wrong person. I swung around when I heard someone clap. A young female was standing next to Blaster with a casual smile on her face. "Nice moves. Where's the cash box at?"

I chuckled nervously. "Thanks. There isn't one."

"You just dance on the side of the road for nothing?"

"I tend not to make a habit of it. I just felt like dancing."

"You know there are clubs in town, right? Or are you new?"

_If you play your cards right_

_Everything_'_s gonna be alright_

_If you play your cards right with me_

"Is your radio broken?"

"It's just old. It doesn't take much to rattle it."

"What about you?"

_Damn girl_, I thought with a smile. _I like this game_. I chuckled. "My normal response would be 'not really', but it really just depends on the situation. You?"

"Same," she responded with her own smile. "So...clubs?"

"Right. Never been to one."

"With those moves? That's criminal."

I laughed, nerves blasting full speed. "I'd hardly call it that," I said in amusement after calming down somewhat. "Besides that, do you know any good ones?"

She got a devious look in her blue eyes, following my lead quickly. "I know a few."

"Mind showing me one sometime? I would enjoy the experience."

"You got a phone?"

I pulled out a mini notebook from my breast pocket and tore a page. As I was writing my name and number I thought, _I hope I don_'_t seem too desperate_. _After all, I did just meet her_. _Holy Primus! _I thought as I handed the paper and mini pen to her. _I don_'_t even know-! _"Forgive me...I'm afraid I forgot to ask your name."

"You could just call me caliente," she said in amusement as she scribbled her number. I did a quick scan of her face. She had olive skin and her hair was a sleek black. _Would it be rude to ask her origins? _I wondered as she handed the paper back to me. I raised an eyebrow at her in amusement when she wrote her name and number on the same piece of paper as me and didn't bother ripping it in half. She tapped her head. "Photographic memory."

"Humph," I grunted in amusement while pocketing the paper and notebook. "Nice gift, Shannon," I said knowing that Blaster was just eating up the fact that my eyes had their own devious sparkle in them.

"Why thank you Lillian."

"Just Lil's fine."

"Lil, then." She winked before walking off. "Expect a text next-"

I leapped forward and grabbed her arm when she lost her balance on the curb. The only reason I wasn't surprised was because she was wearing black stilettos. I grabbed both her shoulders to help steady her once on the sidewalk before quickly taking a step away and dropping my arms, realizing that I may have invaded her personal space. "Sorry. That wasn't-"

"It's fine," she said as she placed a hand on my arm. "Thank you."

I blinked at her when she stepped away. "You free Friday night?"

"Yes. My shift ends at eight." _Well, it would if I was working this week_. I was suddenly very glad that I had worn a tight fitting long sleeve shirt with a v-neck so that Shannon couldn't see my arms.

"Great. I'll meet you at the club at nine. But who's driving who home?"

"Depends," I said with smile. "You drink?"

"A little," she said with another devious tinkle in her eyes.

"Then I'll drive."

"Not one for drinks?"

"Never had one."

"You've been missing out on all the good things in life. Glad I saw you dancing."

I chuckled. "Agreed. I'll see you there."

"You better believe it," she said with another wink before walking off, swinging her own hips.

I raised an eyebrow in amusement as a natural smile swept across my face. _I think Primus just sent me a landline for that book_.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Transformers_ (2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation 1_.The song that Lillian plans to use in her prank on Ratchet is _Turn Me On _by Nicki Minaj. Listen to that while imagining the events Lillian describes. I'm leaving the whole prank up to your imagination with what she gives you. ;)

It took four days, but I managed to get everything squared away for Friday night. Friday afternoon was spent making sure everyone knew their jobs...I just prayed that everyone agreed considering I only had one prank planned to the letter. I also had it set up so that I wouldn't actually be there when it happened in case the Twins decided to get back at me directly after. Red Alert said that he would show the footage to me later.

"Hey Twins." Sideswipe looked down at me. I tapped my socket. He lifted me up to his and Sunstreaker's table while plugging a cable in. "_How would you like to be involved in a prank that neither of you can get in trouble with?_"

"_What_'_s the catch?_" Sunstreaker asked suspiciously.

"_One of you has to be pink_."

"_No way_."

"_Ratchet_'_s the one getting pranked_."

"_Go on_," Sideswipe said, interested.

"_Ratchet will be embarrassed on a stage in front of every autobot here_."

I waited. "_I_'_m listening_," Sunstreaker said harshly.

I kept my face under control. "_I_'_m assuming you both are amazing dancers_-"

"_Of course_."

"_Good_. _You both need to dance around Ratchet_."

"_Where will he be in all this?_"

"_Tied to a pole in the middle of the stage_. _You can tease him however you want during the _'_show_'_ just_..._keep it PG_. _You can turn up the volume in Ratchet_'_s office later_. _First Aid will lock the door_."

"_There_'_s something else_," Sunstreaker said when he started poking around in my head without permission.

I smiled. "_You guys know Galloway, right?_"

"_That aft?_" snorted Sunny.

"'_Course we do_," Sideswipe said more evenly. "_He_'_s shut down our operations numerous times_."

"_How would you feel about humiliating him after the show?_"

"_How so?_"

"_Here_'_s where the pink comes in_. _I need one of you to act like a femme while interfacing with Ratchet_. _Galloway will conveniently be hanging in the corner_. _Just make sure you aren_'_t facing him while interfacing_. _After your done, I want the _'_femme_' _to turn around and make it absolutely clear that he is no femme_. _I_'_ll give Ratchet the line to say later_. _Just_..._make sure that you lock the door after you leave_."

"_Why?_"

"_Galloway will be tortured by a real femme later_. _Trust me when I say you don_'_t want to see the results_."

"_You are one evil organic_," Sunny said.

"_Thank you_."

"_Is the paint removable?_"

"_You_'_ll be able to wash it off without difficulty_."

"_Does Ratchet know about this?_"

"_No_."

"_You realize we can_'_t be connected to this in anyway?_"

"_I_'_ve already convinced Red Alert to store the evidence and Prowl to let all the blame fall on me_. _You two won_'_t get in trouble with this one_. _Just one more thing_..."

"_What?_"

"_When the song ends_..._run_."

~0~

"Hey Prowl?"

"Yes?"

"I need to borrow Jazz for acouple hours."

Jazz crossed his arms in amusement. "I ain't an object, Lil."

"You are now," I said with a smirk.

"Will there be damage to his systems?"

"Nope. Just his pride."

"Don't Ah get a say in this?"

"You'll enjoy the results," I promised. "And so will everyone on base."

"No camera damage," Prowl reminded me.

"Already taken care of," I reasured him.

Prowl waved a hand at Jazz without looking up from his datapad. "Go."

"Fine. Ah can take a hint. Ah can tell when I ain't wanted by meh own bonded."

I snickered as Jazz stomped away dramatically, most likely for my sake. "Don't worry Prowl. You get to wash the stuff off of him later." I left before Prowl could get a word in.

~0~

When Prowl took an energon break via Prime's request, he could only stop and stare when he saw his bonded sitting on a couch playing video games with Blaster.

"Hey Prowl," I said with a smirk as I walked up to him.

"Lillian?"

"Yeah?"

"Why is my bonded _purple?_"

"I thought it matched his personality?" Prowl stared at me. "What? Purple means happiness, Prowl. Hehe. Maybe I should have painted you purple instead." He got a gun out. "Never mind. It really-Uh, Prowl?" He charged the gun. "Can't we talk about this?"

"Ten seconds."

I bolted screaming a specific line that would give the bots there a preview of what was to come in a few hours. "I'm too young to die!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers_ (2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation 1_. I do not own Cold Slither. This song is from episode 37 (Blaster Blues) of _Transformers_: _Generation 1_. It was the song that played in the beginning when Spike, Carly and Blaster went to a concert. The song is used often in _Transformers_: _Generation 1_...according to the Transformers Wiki. The "music is the universal language" line is not mine...It's Blaster's. If I remember correctly he said it at the beginning of Blaster Blues also.

I also cannot take credit for the socket idea, history, or terminology. I had the first chapter of this fanfiction stored away before I started reading the stories on the Sockets account. Although I am not part of the socket community, the gateway for new ideas for this story that it opened was too good to give up or let go to waste. Therefore, I would (once again) like to thank Femme4jack, who gave me permission to post the story, and all of the authors who worked on any of the stories on the Sockets account. They include, but are not limited to: Femme4jack, Aniay (the original co-creator with Femme4jack for the POV verse that helped spawn Dathana de Gray), Gatekat, Chai16, Wilderness, Zomgitsalaura, Fallentaiyoko, Prophetbot, Ace_of_the_arts, Antepathy, Laulun-siivet, sakon76, thepheonixqueen, Flybystardancer, baka_no_neko and Karl Wolfemann.

("I have no problem with labor as long as no one is hurt in the process." I hesitated when her hand twitched at my opinion.) This is a reference to the socket history when Cybertronians used to torture organics before they realized that organics were sentient and that their 'life energy' can be gained from mutual pleasure as well as pain.

The following songs were used in this chapter:

If You Play Your Cards Right by Alicia Myers

Where have you been by Rihanna

Scream by Usher

Turn Up The Music by Chris Brown

International Love by Pitbull ft. Chris Brown

Lady Marmalade by Christina Aguilera/Pink/Mya/Lil Kim

**Warning: **Mentions LBGTQIA (Lesbian, Bi, Gay, Trans, Questioning, Intersexual, Asexual), ProwlxJazz (They _will _be bonded, the Cybertronian version of married, in this fanfiction), some language, and conflicting morals...in the entire story.

LillianxShannonxBlaster in this chapter. Skip that section if you don't like.

~0~

I groaned as I placed my head in my hands. "Why the hell did I agree to this?" _I was blindsided_. _Yeah, that_'_s it_. _I was blindsided_..._By what? Her beauty? Dear God_, I groaned. _I sound like a love-struck teenager_. _What_'_s worse is that I have no idea how to behave on a date_..._or at a club_. _Why _did _I agree to this?_

"Ya okay, Lil?"

I sighed and rubbed my head. "Hey, Jazz."

"Looks like a tornado struck yer room," Jazz said in amusement. I blinked at him. "What?"

I shook my head. "I just forgot that you've never seen me be a nervous wreck before."

"Ah've seen it." I tilted my head at him. "Ah'll explain on the way to the club."

I blinked again. "What do you mean? Why are you here? You were supposed to be part of the prank tonight."

"Yeah...'bout that..." He trailed off as he leanned against my dresser. His holoform was a miniature version of his robot form on earth. "Prowler wasn't too happy 'bout it. He told meh ta wash it off or he'd do it for meh."

I raised an eyebrow. "Your reply?"

He smiled. "Make meh."

I rolled my eyes. "'Course." I huffed in irritation after looking at the clothes on my bed. _Maybe I should just go in shorts and a tank top_, I grumbled mentally.

"Seriously, Lil, are ya okay? Yer muscles tense an' ya look exhausted."

"I'm nervous when I shouldn't be. It's just a friendly outing." I looked at Jazz. "Why are you here?"

"Ah'm yer ride, o' course."

I raised an eyebrow. "Did Blaster lead you up to this?"

"The mech may have mentioned it," Jazz said with his trademark grin.

I snorted. '_Course he did_. "Well, while your standing up...Long sleeve or short sleeve?"

"Short will give ya more room fer conversation. Long will irritate yer arms."

"Casual or formal?"

"It's a _club_, Lil. Go with comfortable. Its gonna be hot."

I slapped my forehead. "Right."

Jazz chuckled. "Lil, have ya ever been on a date?"

"Never," I said as I studied two dresses before just picking one and going to the bathroom in my room. I calmed down significantly when I heard _If You Play Your Cards Right_ by Alicia Myers playing in my bedroom. _Good ol_'_ Jazz_, I thought fondly before putting my blond hair in an french style updo. _No reason why I can_'_t_ _be formal and casual_. When I came out there was a black belt and black gladiator shoes on my bed. I took the hint and put them on before going outside. I stared at Jazz's alt mode momentarily and flinched when Jazz honked his horn.

"Couple things ya need ta know," Jazz said in amusement once I got in the driver's seat. "One: Starin' is rude. Sneak casual glances if ya can't help yerself. Two: Being late can ruin the date. 'Fashionably late' does not apply ta the first couple o' dates. Three: Ah know ya ain't used ya club dancing but this is important. No grinding on the dance flo'."

My jaw dropped at that before squeaking something incoherant, momentarily sounding like Blurr high on sugar. Jazz laughed while I collected myself. "I would never grind against a dancing partner," I said indignantly. "_Especially_ not in a public setting."

"Jus' checking, Lil," Jazz said after chuckling some more.

I huffed before staring straight ahead for a few seconds. "Jazz, when have you seen me be a nervous wreck?"

"Couple o' times. Mostly when you first came ta base an' had ta get used ta giant robots an' our personalities. Ah once heard ya tell Ironhide ta shoot ya when Blurr hugged ya with Blue. First Ah thought it was the way they talked, but ya were one o' the only humans on base who understand them."

"Well first off, Bluestreak was touching me somewhere I'd rather not say, Blurr rubbing my back and neck was just plain weird and...I'm sorry, but that was so _not a hug_. More like a feel up in disguise." I shivered at the memory. "Not pleasant."

"It didn't hurt, did it?" Jazz asked, concerned.

"Not comfortable. I had to get used to the electric current set through my system whenever I was around you guys."

"Current? That ain't right."

I shrugged. "Any others?"

"There's the fact that ya have become a mini Hatchet," Jazz chuckled. "That wrench o' yers is deadly."

"It's tiny and I can't throw for my life."

"Don' matter. Still feel the impact at ah close range."

"Good ta know. I'll aim at a decepticon when I see one."

"Bad idea, Lil. Stay away from the 'Cons."

"'Kay...Hey Jazz?"

"Yeah?"

"You got any other dating tips?"

"We're almost there, Lil."

"Please? I'm clueless at flirting."

"Ah dunno...Blaster said ya did pretty well once ya found the right girl."

"I was mindless. I swear some otherworldly force took over my body while I was talking to her." Jazz hummed. I narrowed my eyes at the amusement laced in it. "What?"

"That's called attraction, Lil. Ever feel it with a human?"

"No."

Jazz stopped immediately. "_What?_"

"Ow." I rubbed over my heart when the seatbeat let me move. "What'd I say? Why'd you stop?"

Jazz pulled over two blocks from the club. "Let meh get this straight. Ya_ never _felt attracted to ah human?"

"No. Well...Okay, not instantly like that. A spirit has never possessed my body and turned me into some flirting machine before. I've never looked at a human and thought 'ooh la la. Now that is one smokin' hot'...whatever. You get the point. It usually takes me months or years to feel attracted to someone, depending on how much time I spend with the person. Mind you I've only ever felt that attraction once, but it didn't last long once the person severed the connection and went to live somewhere else. Jazz?" I asked when he didn't respond.

"_Years?_" Jazz asked in astonishment. "Ain't most humans supposed ta feel attraction instantly based on looks or personality?"

"When I am attracted to a person, it is only when I know the person and they know me...At least, that's how it was with her. I've never felt attracted to another human besides the person I am meeting with tonight. I feel a certain gravitational pull with her. She feels familiar. The connection was almost instant...I suppose that's how someone is supposed to feel when they meet someone that they're sexually attracted to, right?"

Jazz hesitated. "Lil-"

"I have to go. Thanks for the ride, Jazz."

"Lil, wait-!"

"Can't be late, remember?" I said teasingly before running to the entrance.

I walked into the club in the middle of _Where have you been_. I stared at my surroundings for a minute, trying to take it in. I had vastly underestimated how huge a club could be...or how easily it was to get lost in one. I finally found Shannon at the bar once_ Scream _played. I grimaced at the lyrics when I came up to Shannon.

She noticed and frowned slightly. "Are you okay?" She placed her hand on my arm and rubbed it gently once I sat down.

I desperately tried to ignore the lyrics and focus on the rhythm, but they made me so uncomfortable...The atmosphere changed suddenly when the dj threw in a remix before setting the song on instrumental. I nodded before smiling. "Perfect. How have you been?"

"Good!" she screamed when the volume was suddenly turned up.

"I like your dress," I said as I leaned in close to her ear.

"What?" she screamed.

"I-!" I rolled my eyes before grabbing her hand and pointing behind me. She followed me with a grin. I basically dragged the poor girl to a table on the side away from the speakers, but I wanted to talk to her. _Maybe I should have arranged a small date at a coffee shop or something before going to the club?_ I thought as we sat down. "Sorry about that," I said more calmly. "I didn't mean to drag you away from the bar."

She winked. "I didn't mind."

I smiled before waving one hand casually, gesturing to her outfit. "I like your dress."

"Thanks. Yours is just as impressive. Diggin' the snake skin. It's not real, is it?"

"Its fake, don't worry. I'm guessing you like snakes?"

"As long as they don't bite me," she said with a smile. "I like animals in general. Shame what's happening in Brazil, but..." She shrugged. "Have to make a profit, right?"

"I have no problem with labor as long as no one is hurt in the process." I hesitated when her hand twitched at my opinion. _Odd_. "I think people are more concerned about global warming and protecting wildlife than anything...Including politics."

"Democrat or Republican? Or are you not interested in politics?"

"During this day and age its sort of required to be, isn't it?" I shook my head. "Sorry. Let's change the topic. What do you do for a living?"

"Reporter."

"Do you tend to stay in the area or...?"

"I go wherever I'm needed. I make more money that way. You?"

"Waitress."

Her glaze fell to my arms. "Is that how that happened?"

I looked down and extended my arms. "Yeah. I tried carrying too many objects at once. I slipped on the wet floor and most of the stuff fell on my arms."

"May I?"

I looked up. Her hands were in front of her. She gestured to the bandages. I blinked. "If you want." _Can_'_t really see what_'_s so appealing about- _All thoughts stopped when she traced one arm with one hand while the other traced the pulse on my wrist. _Don_'_t move_, I thought when my instincts told me to pull away. _Be nice_.

"Is it bad?" she said softly.

"The damage will heal," I said evenly.

She pulled away and looked at the crowd for a few minutes. I followed her lead and observed the crowd dancing before sneaking glances at Shannon once I relaxed and _Turn Up The Music _started to play. She was smiling as she observed everyone dance and put their hands in the air. Her head moved to the beat and tapped it out with her right hand on the small table we sat at. She took the opportunity that the _turn it up (just dance with me) _section of the song presented. She stood up and held her right hand out to me. I took the hint and followed her out on the dance floor. I stuck to fancy footwork and calculated arm movements with my hat when _International Love _played. Shannon sticked to graceful arm movements and showed that she could swing her hips as much as the next female. I snorted when _Lady Marmalade _came on. _This dj is playing match maker with someone_. Shannon once again flowed with music and used the change in pace to her advantage. She started dancing around me, hipping still swinging, and looked directly at me when she got the chance. I raised an eyebrow momentarily before lowering it when she brushed against me a few times.

_Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth_..._Hey_...

_Color of cafe au lait_..._Alright_...

_Made the savage beast inside_

_Roar until he cried_

_More, more, more!_

_Gitchy gitchy ya ya da da_

She twirled in front of me, placed her arms on my stomach, pushed me to the wall, and placed her arms around my neck before kissing me. "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" she whispered in my ear.

To anyone else the offer might have been tempting. _Too tempting_. I examined her eyes. "_Cold Slither_," I said in the sexiest voice I could muster. Her eyes flickered in recognition before dimming.

"How long?"

I crossed my arms with an evil smile on my face. "There were subtle hints. The music was one of them. It fit too well with my current moods. So where's the original?"

"Hiding under the driver's seat."

I snorted. "Figures." I stared at Blaster's holoform. "We need to talk about this." I gently traced the side of 'Shannon's' face. "Non. Je suis désolé."

"I figured as much."

"Just being clear." I grabbed Shannon's hand. "C'mon. Jazz isn't getting away with this either." I smiled slightly when Jazz flashed his lights at us as we approached. I was far too gone in the strange mix of amused and offended to really yell at anyone yet. Blaster and I sat in the backseat. I on one end, Blaster on the other. Our legs brushed against each other as we stretched out so that our backs each touched the opposite doors. "Yo Jazz," I said in deadly amusement as my eyes remained on Blaster. His holoform looked about ready to be sick. "Do you know a place with a view in the middle of nowhere? Water would be appreciated."

"On it," he said as he darkened the windows before moving.

I grinned at Shannon, in between deciding whether to laugh at the situation or attack the one responsible. "Although I must admit that your holoform is very appealing to me emotionally and physically, did you really think that I would just jump in if she was the one asking?" I held up a hand when Shannon was about to respond, too offended to even want to know. "How long?"

"Few vorns at most," Jazz answered for him. "Mech never tricks his socket with a seduction unless he's desperate. He's always willing to wait for full consent otherwise."

"He won't share?"

"Sharing's not enough at this point," Shannon said sadly. "Lilly, I'm sorry."

"There's no need for that," I said gently. "I understand now, at least to some level." I placed my hands behind my head as I raised an eyebrow at Shannon. "I still don't get why you didn't just ask me to be your socket."

"Lilly, you've been questioning your sexuality for weeks. I wasn't about to take advantage of that."

"I appreciate your concern, Blaster," I said seriously. "But this is a serious situation. I don't care if Jazz is the one that hosts the parties on base or if Red Alert can run circles around any decepticon, your the only one who can deal with soundwave. The autobots need you and your upbeat attitude when everything goes to the dogs. And I'm not talking about Hound. Same goes for you, Jazz. Let me put it this way," I said when they both remained silent. "Music is the universal language. I don't care if Prowl and Mirage are silent and deadly, that base of yours need some tunes to update the mood. Once again, deadly wrenchs and pranks don't count. I'm saying that you all matter, and as much as death may sometimes be inevitable..."

"Ya need speech classes, Lil," Jazz added with a chuckle.

"Oh shut up. You know my point."

"Not really," Blaster said as he laughed.

I crossed my arms, not amused. "Jazz, pull over."

"The possibility of humans-"

"Are we in the desert region?"

"Yes."

"Then pull over. This needs to be discussed face to face."

Jazz did as told and stopped. I grabbed Blaster and gently put him on the ground before backing away. Once he transformed he lifted me up to his level. I placed my hands on the side of his face as we stared at each other. _God help me_, I whispered mentally as tears formed rapidly. _Primus help Blaster_. "Blaster, I'm sorry." I stared directly into his optics. "I can't love you like you need to be loved. Your my guardian. You protect me, make sacrifices and deal with me when I get violent...But I can't love you through intercourse. I can't love anyone through intercourse. I'm sorry. This fear of mine runs too deep for anyone to change. I'm sorry but I can't be your socket."

"Allow me time to convince you. I don't care how long it takes, Lillian."

"Blaster, you don't have the time it would take," I said desperately as sobs escaped my throat. I continued to hold onto Blaster's face like a vice. "I want you to survive. I love you but I can't_ love _you. I can't give you what you need. I can't give you life. This has nothing to do with religion or society. Both can go jump in a ditch. This is about you and I. No one can change the way I feel about sex, no matter how caring and lovely the person is. I'm sorry. The fear runs too deep." Blaster kept me in place as I sobbed and clung to the armor above his spark. _I_'_m killing him_, I screamed in my head. _I know I_'_m killing him by saying no but I can_'_t do this_. _I can_'_t_. _Call it selfish, but I can_'_t_. "Its not fair of me," I sobbed out. "I know its not but I can't. You deserve love, Blaster. Real hardcore love. You need someone who wants you. I can't..."

"I can change the holo-"

"_Blaster, listen_ _to me_." I stressed each syllable. "I can't. This has nothing to do with the holoform. I can't love you, Blaster. Do you hear me? I can't and I'm sorry that I can't but I can't."

I heard Jazz's voice even as I clutched my head and sobbed in a position that in another culture would be considered a praying position. I may as well have been praying to Primus for Blaster to understand that I couldn't love him the way he needed to be loved. I needed him to understand that someone else could love him. _Someone else will love him, I know it_..._But_ _I_'_m not the one_. _I_'_m not_. _I_ _can_'_t_.

_This could have gone differently_, the dark side of my mind whispered as I retreated within myself. _This could have easily gone differently_.

"Ya need speech classes, Lil," Jazz added with a chuckle.

"Oh shut up. You know my point."

"Not really," Blaster said as he laughed through Shannon...making me shiver and cross my arms. _Even his holoform_'_s laugh is musical_. _His very life-like, attractive holoform_...

My heart stalled when Shannon kissed me full force and placed her hand underneath my shirt. I breathed in as much air as I could when she seperated. "Who the hell picks your holoforms?" It's really hard to sound threatening when you're completely caught off guard.

"We do," she said as loud at it was possible in her aroused state. She traced her hand across my face before caressing the side of it gently. "We can update it and its voice at any time based on what our socket finds appealing."

"Is this your way of telling me you accept?"

"Only if you are agreeing completely," Shannon said seriously. "Your a virgin and Ratchet will likely try to offline me for claiming you during your first time, but it's your chose."

"I always wanted my first to be my only," I said gently as I caressed the side of her face, looking into what was ultimately Blaster's eyes. "I would be honored. I trust you. You already know me through and through. I'm willing to learn if you'll be patient."

"I'm not picky about sharing," Shannon said with a wink.

I heated up at that. _You would announce that while we_'_re inside Jazz of all people_, I thought when Blaster connected.

_Ain_'_t no time to announce love like the present_, Blaster thought in amusement. _You know, we could be inside Prowl_...

_Who the hell tells you these things?_

_It isn_'_t hard to tell, Lil_, Blaster said as he sent several pleasurable impulses through my system to get me going. _Plus Ratchet may have said something to confirm it_...

I moaned and gasped at the sensations. _Can_'_t trust anyone at that base_, I thought miserably.

_Your the one with the open book for a face_, he thought in amusement. _It_'_s not like your body helps either_. Shannon traced my neck before tugging me down so that my dress rode up. She traced my hips when skin was visable. "Jazz, turn up the volume," Shannon murmured against my ear. _International Love _pounded through Jazz's inside speakers so that I could feel the soundwaves float across my skin. By the way Shannon shivered, I guess she could feel it too.

_What origin did you choose? _I asked after Shannon had removed her dress and began pulling mine down my body, tracing as she went.

_You know it as native american_.

_Beautiful_.

_All beauty is rare and must be charished_. _That_'_s why I chose this origin_. _I know you_'_ll charish it without judgement or foreclaims_. _Why? Did you assume another origin?_

_I didn_'_t want to assume_._ It wasn_'_t my right to_.

"Such a good girl," Shannon joked before accuping her tongue with my neck and her hands with my hips.

_Well, love is love_.

_You are easily the cheesiest socket I have ever had_.

I chuckled when allowed. "Woot for the epic win!" I mumbled in amusement as I brought Shannon up for a kiss. She lifted upward, moaning as I rubbed where Blaster's cassettes would normally be. She kissed me full force before bringing out the scissors, slipping her tongue in while she was at it. _Where are the cassettes? _I managed to ask in my foggy state. _If you brought them, I_'_m leaving you in Ratchet_'_s servos_. _No doubt he_'_d lecture you on traumatizing them_.

Blaster sent a soul shaking pleasurable shock through my system. _How are you still coherant?_

_Hanging on by a thread_, I gasped. My mind stuttered as it tried to keep up with the pleasure my body was receiving. "_Blaster_," I said desperately.

_You sure?_

_You wanna get hit?_

_Message received_, he thought gently as Shannon lowered herself within my sheath. "Tell me when," she said gently as she caressed the side of my face and rubbed her nose against mine.

I ignored all thoughts of Ratchet being right about the pain as I tried to focus on the comfort Blaster was offering mentally. It was useless, of course. _This is what happens when you wait thirty years_, I thought miserably.

_Sometimes it takes others twice as long_, Blaster said thoughtly.

_Ugh_, I thought as I cringed from the pain and the horrible image Blaster's thought created. _Don_'_t go there_._ Just don_'_t_.

_Point taken_.

_Move_.

_Are you sure?_

_It_'_s obviously not getting better anytime soon_.

_I_'_ll try to be gentle_.

_Don_'_t bother_. _It_'_s going to be painful either way_. _May as well get it over with quickly_.

_I could stop_.

_You need the energy_. _Pump it before I pumble you_.

Can I imagine that happening? Logically. But only logically. I just imagined it, therefore, it could logically happen...physically. Physically, I could do what Blaster wants me to do. Emotionally? No. I can't. Throw the differences in religion, gender, species and anatomy out the window. I can't emotionally deal with sex. It's not possible for me. I wouldn't be able to deal with it.

I sobbed even more as a violent situation played out in my head briefly before I cut it off. _I_ _can_'_t imagine Blaster reacting violently to this_. _He will later on but I can_'_t_..._He_ _can_'_t force me_. _He_'_s an autobot_. _He won_'_t_...

I clutched my head harder as I felt someone poke me gently. _No touch_, my primitive brain screamed as emotion took over. _Don_'_t touch me! _

"_Don_'_t touch her!_"

I jumped out of my position when I heard Blaster scream. _It_'_s happening! _my mind screamed in horror. I zoomed into the expression on Blaster's face before numbly scrambling behind Prowl like a drunk person repeatedly tripping over their own feet.

"Blaster!" Jazz screamed at him. "Yer scaring her! Snap outta it!"

"Jazz, take Blaster to base," Optimus ordered. "Prowl, take Lillian somewhere where she can ease her mind. You both are off duty until this is settled."

"Yes, sir!"

Prowl transformed and opened the back door, giving up all attempts to touch me. I scrambled into the backseat, curled up, clutched my head, and forced myself into recharge as I focused on the sound of Prowl's engine and mother nature.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers_ (2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation 1_.

The following song was used in this chapter:

Glitter and Grease by Lady Gaga

I cannot take credit for the socket idea, history, or terminology. The authors who worked on the stories on the Sockets account include: Femme4jack, Aniay (the original co-creator with Femme4jack for the POV verse that helped spawn Dathana de Gray), Gatekat, Chai16, Wilderness, Zomgitsalaura, Fallentaiyoko, Prophetbot, Ace_of_the_arts, Antepathy, Laulun-siivet, sakon76, thepheonixqueen, Flybystardancer, baka_no_neko and Karl Wolfemann.

"They're a young species. They have much to learn." - This was Optimus' line in the _Transformers_ (2007) movie.

**Warning: **Mentions LBGTQIA (Lesbian, Bi, Gay, Trans, Questioning, Intersexual, Asexual), ProwlxJazz (bonded couple), some language, and conflicting morals.

Also...I'm sure you can all tell, but I made up the part about the plastic with the hundreds of cameras in it...I'm not exactly 'one with technology' even if I am a Transformers fan.

I apologize if there are sterotypes in this chapter or if Prowl seems ooc during some moments. I combined his personalities from _Transformers_: _Generation 1 _and _Transformers_: _Animated_. You will see that more clearly in the next chapter.

I awoke rather late in comparision to when my internal alarm told me to get up. It was roughly eleven according to Prowl. The normal time that I would be up and about is seven. Prowl had been kind enough to search for an establishment that had a shower...Okay, so 'establishment' is exaggerating. If an establishment was an old-gas-station-turned-restroom pitstop for travelers with a single enclosed shower outside...then it was rightly so. However, considering my current situation, I was in no position to complain. While I was rinsing dirt off my body, I couldn't help but beat myself down a little.

_I was already off duty and now I_'_ve dragged Blaster, Jazz and Prowl away from their jobs with me_. _This is ridiculous_. _We may be in the middle of a peacetime _(aka the decepticons are keeping the destruction to a minimum) _but that_'_s no excuse to not work_. I frowned as turned the water off, dried myself off and put the clothes that Prowl hid in his glove compartment on. _Well, except Blaster_. _He deserves a break as long as it takes to find a socket_, I thought as I stepped out of the wooden enclosure. Prowl was waiting patiently. He shined in the sun that was beaming down at us.

"Thanks for waiting Prowl," I said as I got in the backseat in case I decided to sleep again. I stared out the window in front of me. My back was against the door behind me and my legs were on the backseats.

"You should put your seatbelt on," Prowl said neutrally before driving anyway. "The nearest food station is a mile from here. You should refuel."

I smiled as I put the seatbelt on before staring out the window again. _I suppose I shouldn_'_t find it odd that Prowl_'_s suggestions are really orders in disguise_, I thought in vague amusement. _Although I am slightly surprised that he hasn_'_t mentioned anything about my emotional health_. _Then again, Jazz would_'_ve been all over that once I woke up, and if opposites attract_..."No problem there." _Depending on the food_. _If I see any sort of meat right now I_'_m going to be sick_. "You wouldn't happen to know the products sold at this establishment, would you?"

"From what I have researched it is mostly what humans call 'junk food.' From what I have heard that is the prefered substance to consume after one has gone through hard times."

"It depends on the issue, but that is essentially correct." _So we_'_re sneaking around the subject and open discussion is only optional, not required_. _Yet another reason why I respect Prowl_. "Some actually do the opposite and starve themselves." _But you wouldn_'_t let me do that, would you? _I thought with slight affection. "Have you spoken with Sam recently? I'm afraid I haven't seen him or Bumblebee at all in quite a while."

"I have..." I focused immediately on Prowl's tone of voice. _Not good_. "I'm afraid that Sam has had some...difficulties in...Mikaela is not happy with some life choices that he has made. He is struggling to make ends meet. His situation does not help Bumblebee in the slightest. He, as his guardian, has nothing against any of the choices that Sam has made. He knows that he always tries his best and will try to make the best of any situation. Bumblebee, however, believes that the relationship will end. He's happy for Sam for his choices and sad that a good relationship will be broken. Leo only calls to check up on his health. During hard times even he knows to avoid lightening the mood. He is aware of the situation and originally attempted to fix it...But Bumblebee insists that he doesn't have to get involved. Sam disagrees. He's happy for some male bonding with a human even though he has stated in my calls to them that he misses the autobots and everyone at N.E.S.T. as well."

"Confusion, stress, and tension mixed up in a figurative thunderstorm..." I said thoughtfully as I stared upward at the sun, toward Primus. "Difficult. I would happily help but I don't know about his situation enough. I wouldn't want to get involved unless he asks me, either. It wouldn't be my place to."

"Don't friends have their own place to step in?"

"Perhaps...I may miss seeing Sam, Bumblebee, Mikaela and Leo but...It's their life. Lives. I can't just..." I sighed before hitting the back of my head on the window once. "Not in my programming or personality," I finished softly.

"Your aunt seems to have no issue with stepping in without asking," Prowl said thoughtfully as if trying to figure the situation out.

"She does that too much. I consider it rude to just step in when not asked or wanted. I can't risk making the situation worse or breaking up relationships. Even when wanted, I'm just...I can't tell. I'm not physical in relationships. I listen, not talk. I don't act for fear of ruining what's there. Something in a relationship, even if it's rocky, is better than nothing. Even when I do step in, it's when needed and..." _Sometimes too late_, I thought sadly. _By the time I speak the person is already far gone, too ignorant to listen_. _They don_'_t _want_ to listen_. _The only ones that have_..._Prowl_'_s too good at this_. "You should be a psychologist," I said neutrally.

"I could never take over Smokescreens profession." _Even he admits he_'_s good_. "I belong in the position I currently fufill. Just like Jazz belongs in special ops and Blaster in communications."

_Aaaand_ _we_'_re back to square one_. "Or Red Alert being the security director. How many cameras are in base, anyway? I've lost count."

"So have we, unfortunately." I raised an eyebrow and lifted my head up. _Say what? _"Red Alert refuses to tell us how many and whenever any of us tries to figure out the number one camera disappears in one location while ten pop up in another. It's getting ridiculous. Prime is seriously considering tying Red Alert to his berth with Inferno and see if the cameras change locations while he's tied up."

"You know, that probably wouldn't change anything. There's this new technology out that Red could probably get his servos on. It's basically invisable to human eyes and it moves objects across walls once it's turned on. So even if you did do that, the cameras would still move. Plus there's a certain project where a clear...plastic of sorts...is attached to a wall. The plastic is filled with hundreds of cameras and-"  
"Stop."

I blinked. "Don't you need to know this? I mean, the possibilities of-"

"I don't need to know. Trust me. Please change the topic."

"But-"

"_Rub that glitter and grease around!_"

I snorted before placing my hand over my mouth. I laughed silently for thirty seconds before calming down. I removed my hand from my mouth, lips twitching. "Prowl," I began in amusement. "Forgive my language, but...Where the hell did that come from?"

"Radio."

"I meant the music."

"Pop."

I narrowed my eyes at the radio. _Where were Prowl_'_s optics located, anyway_..._?_ _Never mind_. _I have a feeling I don_'_t want to know_. "I knew that. I'm asking why you played it."

"To get you to stop talking."

"I don't understand why you wouldn't want to know what secret methods Red has."

"To protect my sanity. Cybertronians need as much privacy as humans. I don't need the image of Red Alert watching, from thousands of different cameras, what happens in my office."

"What's to hide? You just work in there, right?"

"Mostly." I raised an eyebrow. "Jazz and I-"

"Stop."

Prowl caught on quickly. "But-"

"Lalalala," I sang.

"You need to know this," Prowl said seriously as if I was going on a mission that would risk my life.

"I'm pretty damn sure that I don't need to know what happens in your office."

"Its just work. There's nothing wrong with working my partner up into-"

"Gah!" I exclaimed before putting my hands over my ears. "Lalalala_la_la. Laladada scuba duba pop shop it 'til ya drop 'cause ya can't seem ta _shut up!_"

Prowl chuckled. "Creative." My hands stayed where they were. "You can relax now, Lillian. I'm done." I shook my head before Prowl brought two cables out. "Probability that Lillian Wescott is ticklish..." Prowl mused. My hands slowly fell to my sides, but not under the threat of being tickled. The cables brought unpleasant memories to the surface. _Ya need this, Lil_. _Doc_'_s orders_. "Lillian?" Prowl asked in concern as my blood pressure suddenly climbed. _Everything is _'_doc_'_s orders_.' _I can_'_t do something just because its doctor_'_s orders_. _Why doesn_'_t anyone get it? Its not that I _can't _engage in intercourse, its that I have no need to_. _I don_'_t _want _to engage in intercourse_. _Why_ _can_'_t anyone get that through their thick processor? _"Are you alright?" Prowl slowly brought the cables closer.

Not wanting sex is more than just a phase for people. '_If you don_'_t want sex, then something is wrong with you and you need to take medicine for it_. _If you don_'_t want to be in a relationship or are not in one then you need to change your ways_.'

'_Hey Lillian_,' my old girlfriend said with a smile. '_I got you a present_.'

'_It_'_s not going to explode, is it?_' I asked teasingly.

'_Here_. _Take this_.'

I raised an eyebrow when I saw a white medicine bottle. The paper around it describing what it was had been ripped off. I brought the bottle up to my ear and frowned when I shook it. _It_ _can_'_t be a ring_. _The bottle may be light but it sounds like there_'_s actual medicine in here_. '_What is it?_'

'_Viagra_. _Take it_. _It_'_ll help you_. _I promise that we_'_ll get through this together_.'

That's how my last and only relationship ended. I wouldn't have sex with her and she actually went and bought over the counter medicine for 'my problem' that I didn't even consider to be a problem! I live my life. What's so horrible about that? Sex isn't everything. What about traveling to other countries? 'Can't go there, these people have aids. Can't go there, they hate your guts. Can't go there, they speak a different language.' Of course people in different countries are going to speak different languages! I go there for the people and culture! I accept differences and learn. But other people can not accept the fact that I do not want to engage in intercourse. Its ingrained in life for people...Its so deep that you can't uproot it. Marry at this age, have sex at this age, date at this age...

Why is everything always set in stone? You can't stop time, so why do we set ourselves in ruitines? You have to flow, you have to learn, you have to _wake up_. "Lillian Wescott! Wake up! Can you hear me? Wake up!" I shivered violently and gasped as I woke up with Prowl crouched over me. "Thank Primus," he muttered. I twitched in Prowl's servos as he gently touched my skin with a claw. He stopped when I wasn't calming down. "Lillian?"

"N-No..." I swallowed and sat up. Prowl supported my back with a hand. I leanned against it. "No more cables. B-Bad memories." I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath. "Very bad."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

_No_. "Later...Maybe..." He nodded. I stood up when he started rubbing my back with a digit. "Can we go get some food now?" My stomach growled right on cue. "Please?"

He smiled slightly before transforming. "Get in."

This time, I got in the front seat.

~0~

I picked at my food constantly as I tried to focus on reality. My stomach was clenching, so I knew that I was hungry. I had already finished off the large sprite and water. That still left me with one and a half sandwiches to finish. I bought enough food for two people even though I could have eaten enough for three. However, I didn't want to stuff myself with food and then sleep on it. That wasn't healthy. I had gotten a medium coffee to maybe help wake me up...So far, it wasn't helping. My head was still in the clouds. Although my lack of concentration could have been blamed on the previous memory...I didn't want to give excuses. For anything. Prowl tried to start a conversation two times on the way to the fast food joint before playing classical music. That managed to calm me down significantly. The only problem with the music was that my mind kept drifting and I had to force myself to focus on the nature outside the window to keep from crying. Being away from base surrounded my nature brought my emotions up to the surface. I didn't want to hide anything out here. I felt like I had no need to. Nature doesn't care if you cry and scream. Its not like a punch will hurt a steady tree. Only yourself. But before I surrounded myself in all of natures wonders, I needed to refuel as Prowl said. What's the point of going all the way to the middle of nowhere if your just going to faint? That's not fun. I imagine that event would give Prowl a spark attack. Or, well, close to it. Maybe a mild panic like when I spaced out on him before. _Now that I think about it, can Cybertronians even have a version of a heart attack_..._?_ _Maybe I should ask Ratchet_..._Then again, Prowl might_-

"What's a pretty girl like you doing wearing something like that?"

I looked up at a young female and blinked. _What? _"I beg your pardon?"

Her smile stayed on her face as she gestured to my outfit. "Your gorgous. Why hide yourself in all black and a sweatshirt?" _I_'_m not sure if I should be offended or consider what she just said as praise_. When I didn't respond, the girl tried again. "You know...I have some friends with me. We could, you know, take you shopping if you want. Since your a girl, you may as well dress like one, right?" I got up with my food and threw away the empty drink container. _Okay, _now _I_'_m offended_. _That was disrespectful_. "Hey, where are you going?" _Away from you_. _Where_'_s it look like I_'_m going? _

"I appreciate your concern, but I don't need your help. Excuse me."

"Wait!"

"Leave her, dudette," one of her male friends said gently.

"Whatever."

I sighed mentally once I got outside. I sat down on a bench right outside the door and looked at the sky as combacks started forming in my head. _First of all, I don_'_t recall asking for your opinion_._ Secondly, I have a right to wear what I want_. _Thirdly, since when and how is it any of your business what I wear? _This_ is one of the reasons why I started liking the autobots_. _They don_'_t _care. _The only thing they care about is your protection_. _That_'_s why I respected Red Alert the moment I heard of him_. _He protects the autobots_..._As paranoid as he may be, have any decepticons invaded N_._E_._S_._T_. _headquarters since he arrived? No_. _He screamed at the person who was originally in charge of the security room_; _he went as far as to call him a malfunction and the security room and the cameras on base lousy_. _Poor guy didn_'_t know what hit him_..._Even if he could see him coming with the monitors_. _Not that it helped that there weren_'_t enough cameras on base_._ Took about an hour with Inferno to explain to him that humans need privacy_. _All Inferno had to say was that we turn into organic Ratchet_'_s when our privacy is violated to the extremes (In Red Alert terms_...'_just in case_.'_)_..._But no_. _He took the long way around_. _Red glitched at the end of that conversation at our apparent _'_lack_' _of security in our everyday lifes_. _He said that every human should have_..._security stuff_..._in their homes_. _I don_'_t even remember what he said_. _The list was so long_..._No one dared mention the theory that technology will one day become sentient and take over the world_...I smiled. _That_'_s so ironic it may just be funny_.

_When I first met Red Alert and he asked me if I had the type of security that he felt should be required for every human, I calmly said no before explaining the fear of technology that some people have_. _While I stated that I did not have this fear, I was, however, _'_cautious enough to place certain windows, locks, alarms in my home_. _Earth_'_s technology is too primative at the time, however, for our current security measures to be of any real use_. _The alarms go off at the wrong time, the locks are impossible to open once closed, and there_'_s no way for me to escape out a window during a fire even if I threw a brick at it_. _I_'_m glad you_'_re here to increase our security to more advanced levels that we cannot yet comprehend would be of use_.' _That_'_s probably why he lets me into the security room at all_. _I admitted to how primitive we are_. _As Optimus once said_: _they_'_re a young species_. _They have much to learn_. _We do have a lot to learn_..._Its just sad that we_'_re_ _still stuck in the past_. _Some people can_'_t let history and baggage drop off their shouldiers or let insults fly by_. _Acceptance is key_. _The will to learn from someone who may just know something that you don_'_t is so important that it can_'_t be stressed enough_. _Some people don_'_t get that_. _What_'_s worse is that some people do understand that and choose to not act_.

I looked over at Prowl. He flashed his lights at me. I smiled, not sure if he was telling me to hurry up or if he was just saying hi. I went over anyway and got in the front seat. "Careful with the lights, Prowl. Someone might find you out."

His holoform 'started' the engine before pulling out onto the main dirt rode. "That is highly improbable. From a distance, someone may assume you had simply unlocked the doors." I hummed absentmindedly. "Did anyone give you any trouble?"

I smiled. "Not really."

"A female commented on your attire. Did you not feel threatened?"

I shrugged. "Only mildly offended. I personally have nothing against what people wear, so hearing that just sounded disrespectful to me. It wasn't like I walked in there with my hood up and looked like a thug or something."

"You were sitting for a long time. Did you eat enough? Are your fuel tanks satisfied?"

I chuckled. "Yes to both questions. I brought the food I didn't finish with me for later."

"May I ask what is amusing?"

"Just your terminology." I hesitated. "Sorry. Does that offend you?"

"Not at all. We are from different planets. Misinterpretations are bound to happen. We are also bound to find other aspects of our ways of thinking and describing situations and anatomy amusing or confusing."

"Everyone besides Ratchet," I said in light humor. "He just finds it fascinating."

"That he does. I recall one evening with he asked Michaela about how human females reproduce to compare the differences to femmes on Cybertron."

I snorted. _He would_. "That was not a wise move on Ratchet's part. Humans are rather sensitive on that subject."

"While we understand that humans become embarrassed or nervous at that topic, we do not understand why. For us, it is simply casual conversation. We learn through communication. Our curiousity is sometimes misinterpreted as being noisy."

I nodded as I reflected on what Prowl had said earlier. 'Your aunt seems to have no issue with stepping in without asking.' 'She does that too much. I consider it rude to just step in when not asked or wanted.' I chuckled humorouslessly. "Humans need to learn how to communication better. Our current methods suck. Um...I-I..." My face heated up. "S-Sorry..."

"I was actually about to agree that human methods of communication need improvement. Your relationships tend to falter because of it. I understand it is quite a problem. What I don't understand..." Prowl brought a cable out and traced the side of my face. I flinched at the sight of it. "Is why you continue to apologize for no reason or are afraid of my cables. They are not sentient beings that have formed alliances with the decepticons and sneak into my systems to attack humans. I would never allow harm to-_Now_ what is so amusing?" Prowl asked, only slightly annoyed when I giggled.

"Prowl, I would be very concerned if your cables had formed an alliance with them. That would only confirm my theory that Barricade is your evil twin."

"I can assure you that Barricade and I are in no way related. Where would you get such an idea?"

"You both have similiar paint jobs."

"Our frames are completely different. Can you please answer my original questions?" I hesitated before getting nervous. My face heated up some more. "W-Well...I repeatedly apologize because I am somewhat self conscious around you."

"Why?"

I figited and shifted on the seat. "I...Your just...I respect you and I am afraid of disrespecting or offending you in any way...That's why."

"Is that all?"

"P-Pretty much."

"Lillian, you have no reason to be nervous around me." He carrassed the side of my face with a cable. I covered my mouth and giggled when part of it brushed against my neck. "Now what?"

"Withdraw the cable. Please."

"That brings up the other question you have yet to answer. Why are you afraid of my cables? Do they appear threatening to you?"

"I will answer if you withdraw."

"We are getting a handle on this fear of yours. They can't be that terrifying, can they?"

He brought out a few more. I squeaked when they brushed against me. "Prowl! Cut it out!"

"What?"

"It don't like being touched, okay?" I said as harshly as I could. I hunched over, trying to contain my laughter. To Prowl, it just looked like I was in pain. "Withdraw and I'll explain." He did as told. I breathed a sigh of relief. _Thank Primus_.

It turned out that Prowl wasn't as...appreciative. "Well?" Or patient...Definently not as patient as he normally is.

"Can I...Explain later? Please?"

"Lillian-"

"Please? I promise that I will. I just...I want to meditate."

"I wasn't aware you meditated."

"I haven't in fifteen years. Can we pull over somewhere and find somewhere quiet? It'll be good for you too...You can stretch your legs."

He hesitated before sighing and pulling over. "Very well. But I expect a detailed explanation later."

I nodded. I was in absolutely no position to disagree.

~0~

I hadn't meditated in ages. However, given the circumstances, it seemed called for. I told Prowl to stay put a mile back so that he could contact fellow autobots without interrupting what little concentration I had. I was lucky enough to find a brooke to focus my mind on. The silence at this point would certainly make me more fidgity than anything else. According to Prowl later on I was only there for an hour, but the initial touch still shocked me.

Prowl touched the back of my neck as if to wake me up...But it did more than wake me up. I shrieked as I jumped in the air and scrambled to my feet. "Prowl!" I yelled at him. "What the hell?"

Prowl stared at me. "Probability of Lillian Wescott being ticklish: 32%."

My face flushed slightly as I began to walk past him. "I don't know what your talking about," I grumbled. "Hey!" I exclaimed when Prowl picked me up by the back of my shirt. "Probability," I said harshly when we were finally eye level. "Zero percent. Let me go."

He stared at me before poking me. I squirmed before looking nervously at Prowl when he smiled slightly. "Probability: 76%."

I started squirming like crazy to get out of Prowl's grip...even though I was high enough from the ground to break something if Prowl did drop me. "Let mehehehehe go! Nahahaha! Now!"

"Probability confirmed."

"Shahahahahaha! Shut uhahahahap!"

"Probability that this will help speed along the healing process: 14%."

I couldn't respond to that even if I wanted to. I was lost in my own laughter and boy was I glad that this wasn't taking place at the base. Jazz, Blaster and Ratchet would just eat this up. No doubt Jazz would use it as blackmail for getting me to participate in more pranks. Ratchet would use it to get me to med bay without causing a scene...or use it to make sure I followed through on medical orders. Blaster would use it...pretty much for any reason. _He_'_s my guardian_. _He_ _doesn_'_t _need_ a reason_. That was pretty much my last coherant thought as I lost any pride I had in Prowl's presense. I didn't know how long I was at Prowl's mercy, but it was long enough to cause a...problem. "P-P-Prowl!" I gasped out. "S-S-Stop!"

_Too late_, I thought in horror when I felt myself release.

I tried to look down at the ground as my face prickled with heat. "L-Let me go," I murmured. "Please."

He didn't. He placed me in the hand he used to tickle me with and lowered his helm. He purred as his nose touched my forehead. "Not yet."

"P-Please," I stuttered as I tried to push him away. "I'm not com-" I yelped when his glossa slid against my hands. Apparently I put my hands against his lip components. _Nice going, Lil_, I berated myself.

Prowl chuckled lightly. "I can _make_ you comfortable," he promised seriously. "If you let me." He purred again, this time against my neck. He tried to look straight at me. My eyes flicked back and forth from Prowl to...anywhere else. "I'll be gentle."

"I don't want this."

"I promise that I will go slow. A simple mental connection-"

"No mental connection. No intercourse."

"No intercourse," he repeated. "Mental connection only." We stared at each other. "Trust is-" Prowl began gently.

"Fine."

"Lil-"

"Whatever. Just plug in. Do whatever the hell you want," I spat at him with my head down, tears falling. He licked them away with his glossa. I tried pushing his tongue away to no vail. It tickled and I didn't want it to. I didn't want to feel anything at the moment. Despite my efforts he noticed my lips twitching. He purred again. "What the hell are you? A cat?"

He smiled slightly. "Purring comforts you."

"Used to have a cat. Died when I was eight."

"I'm sorry."

"Fine." He stared at me. "Plug in. If you start anything I'm kicking you out painfully."

He nodded. I absorbed the pleasure that I received from the connection like a sponge. _Relax_. _I_ _won_'_t hurt you_.

_I know_...I smiled. _I_'_m just not used to someone poking around in my head_.

_I_ _haven_'_t touched anything_.

_Feels like you are_. _Maybe_ _I_'_m not used to someone literally being on my mind and consuming my thoughts at the same time_.

_Do I feel threatening to you?_

_Not threatening_. _Just_..._crowded_. _It_'_s a good thing_. _In a way_.

_How so?_

_I_'_m used to someone invading my personal space by now_. _My physical bubble, if you will_. _It_'_s the mental and emotional sides of me that people haven_'_t seen_.

_Have we?_

_You count as people_.

_We aren_'_t humans_.

_You are sentient beings that I feel safe with_.

_Safe enough to confide in?_

_Some of you_..._Which brings me to our discussion_. I sighed._ I have to warn you_. _You probably won_'_t like it_. _I_'_m only going to show half of the vision to get to the point_.

_Please show me_. I smiled slightly when he brushed his...field...against me. Perhaps it was just his presense trying to comfort me in my head. I calmly showed him the dream that Blaster had witnessed, unknowingly to me, from the part where Jazz pushed me to the berth to the moment the vision faded to white. I waited for Prowl to react. I wasn't surprised to find tense silence on his side of the mental connection. _What is this?_

_A dream that I had_.

_Did you want this to happen?_

_Do I sound like I wanted it to happen? Did I accidently put it on mute? _I could feel Prowl's displeasure at my sudden disrespectful attitude. _Sorry_..._The answer is no_.

_I got that_. He sighed. I gently tried to repeat what he had done before before retreating quickly, as if taking a step back in fear. _You_ _don_'_t have to be so nervous around me_. _I_'_m not angry_.

_Then why do you sound it? _I whispered mentally.

He brushed his field against mine again, nearing closer. _I_'_m more concerned about you_. _Given your current situation it had to be difficult to witness something that conflicts with your conscious feelings_. He hesitated. _Did you show Jazz this?_

_No_...I tried retreating into a corner. Prowl wasn't letting that happen. He came as close to me mentally as he could get before touching a part of me gently. In physical terms, it was almost as if he was holding onto my arm and snuggling to my side. It was almost as if he was giving me a side hug or...attempting to pull me into his mental space.

_Why? _He asked gently.

I closed my eyes, breathing deeply. _Part of me was concerned that he would act on in_. _Another was simply afraid of how he would react_.

He tugged at me mentally. _He would never act on it if you didn_'_t want that affection_. _If nothing else, he would want to talk to you about it as I am now_.

_Prowl_..._What do you think my current situation is?_

I smiled when I felt confusion through the connection. _I want to hear it from your point of view_. _Please?_

_You are_..._confused_. _Yet not quite_. _Am I correct in believing that you are questioning yourself?_

I winced slightly as Sonya's words repeated themselves._ Slightly_. _Before you guys came I knew two things_. _I knew that I was asexual and attracted to females, not males_. _After you_..._I suppose the best way to put this is that I am bisexual for multiple species_. _As to whether that makes any sense or not_...

_It does_.

I nodded. _I have_..._never had a relationship with a male before_. _I do not become sexually attracted to someone based on looks_._ I can appreciate a good figure and fashion as much as the next person, but I literally only like people based on personality and how they treat others_. _It doesn_'_t matter to me how attractive the person may look to the majority_. _If someone asked me if a person looked _'_hot_'_ to me, I would shrug_. _Sexual attraction has never been apart of my daily equation_.

_Have you ever had a relationship with a female? _I felt shock on the other end when Prowl was pushed out of my mental space subconsciously.

I sighed, trying to let the walls disable. They barely budged, even as Prowl pushed against them. _Yes_.

Prowl settled on remaining right next to the walls. _With whom?_

I mentally growled, disgust written on the mental walls like grafitti. I mentally stated her name. The sudden change in emotion startled Prowl, even if he couldn't mentally get to me. He rubbed my back physically instead. The name brought back unpleasant memories. Memories that I couldn't show Prowl with my current mental force field. I had to speak them. _Great_, I thought sarcastically. _More layers_.

_Why are your mental walls so thick?_

My heart constricted as I laid my head on Prowl's armor. He pulled me closer, creating a barrier physically that he couldn't mentally. I clung to the armor like a vice as I forced myself to speak. I'm surprised Prowl even heard me. "I have...had...a great deal of emotional attachment to her. She left." _I had become a master at retreating in that one year_..._between the time she left and the time I met Blaster_. "She wouldn't get it. She didn't understand. I thought she was the one but she just...She left after hearing no. I couldn't take it. She wouldn't listen. I couldn't compromise my lifeline."

"What was your lifeline?"

"My virginity. I was already having a difficult time accepting my sexuality and she just...Prowl, she gave me _medication_." I choked out a half laugh, half...I didn't even know what. My voice died for a moment. "I thought it was a damn promise ring. I was only fourteen. She was sixteen...Old enough to move out if she followed emancipation. I thought she was old enough to understand. I was wrong." I took a deep breath, wiping at the single tear that managed to fall. I sniffled twice. I was retreating quickly. I could feel it. The sadness faded quickly, back to the core. My eyes hurt and were dry. I wanted to keep crying. I wanted to cry all of the sadness out of me. Apparently, that wasn't possible for me. Retreating is great if you want to fool people. But once you create those walls, it is a very difficult process to break them down. "My virginity is one of those things that...I figured that if I end up on the edge...'_If I fall to a place where no one can reach me_..._I at least know that I have something precious to hold onto for eternity_.' That's what I kept telling myself during that year. '_At least I have this_. _At least not all hope is lost_.' Prowl, I had _nothing_ in my mind. When she stepped in, everything seemed to click. It all made sense. I was proud to be asexual with her because I thought that I knew that I wouldn't be alone anymore. I thought she didn't care. I didn't know that she was plotting to change that. I knew that she was sexual. I thought that a platonic relationship was possible. I wasn't about to loose the one thing I could cling to when hope was lost if it all turned out to be a mistake. I didn't want to compromise...I didn't want sex. She did. Apparently, that is something that I cannot escape."

"Two things are running through my processor right now," Prowl said evenly. "The first is that you shouldn't have to compromise. The second is that you shouldn't have to run from anything. If you are looking for an escape route from the past, don't just _sit somewhere _and cry when we are always a call away."

"The autobots aren't...I can't cling to you guys. It's not healthy."

"And drowning in your sorrow is? I may not be a medic, but I've been with Jazz long enough to know that emotions should be brought to the surface before you crash. My spark was placed in a shell with the option to wipe out emotion for my entire lifespan. When I come online, the emotions are painful and difficult to sort out. With the right company, the transformation goes much quicker and less painfully. Being emotionless is like being an empty shell. It is the equalivant of your human version of a robot that isn't programmed to feel. If you can't feel, you aren't living a real life. You aren't_ awake_."

"I retreated to _survive_. If I had let my emotions overpower my life at that time I wouldn't _be here_."

"Blaster wouldn't have let you terminate your spark."

"I didn't _know_ that Blaster was with me during that time. I didn't know what backup was. I watched my own back. I had no support group. Only the autobots showed me what friends were actually supposed to be like."

"I understand that. But, Lillian...If you know that we are there for you, why don't you come to us? _Any_ of us. Even Mirage or Ironhide can't stand a crying human. Despite how standofish any of us appear to be, we all care about humans. Why do you think we started the mutual pleasure exchange?"

I growled at that before swearing. "Because I don't _want_ that comfort."

"Lillian, you can not possibly believe that any of us would try to force an interface out of you."

"I know none of you would, but...Prowl, you guys _live_ off of pleasure. I don't."

"Can you laugh?"

I blinked twice. "What?"

"Do you have the ability to laugh?"

I stared at Prowl before raising an eyebrow. "Yes."

"Smile?"

"Yes."

"Feel anything other than pain?"

"Yes."

"Happiness is pleasure, Lillian. Interfacing isn't the only way to gain pleasure."

I snorted. "Right. What am I supposed to do, Prowl? I can't be someone's socket."

"And why not?"

"I don't want to interface with anyone. Haven't you been listening?"

"You are attracted to Jazz and I, aren't you?"

I ducked my head at that. "Dream, okay?" I muttered.

"I know that what happened with Jazz was a dream. I also know that you are the most comfortable around Jazz and I, if anyone else. Would you ever consider sharing this information with Tracks or Perceptor?"

I twitched my nose. "I don't know them."

"Have Jazz and I ever shared any personal experiences with you?"

I lowered my shouldiers slightly. "N-No-"

"Then how are we different from Tracks or Perceptor?"

I went silent. "I feel more comfortable around you two," I mumbled uncomfortably.

"Why?" _I hate that question_. I placed my head on Prowl's armor, emotionally exhausted. I sighed. "Let me elaborate. Blaster and Jazz are similiar in many ways. Your dream indicates a subconscious desire to have a relationship with Jazz. Platonic or not, you can not deny that you would want to get to know him better. _Us_ better. What's the difference between a relationship with Blaster rather than Jazz?"

_Your going deep here, Prowl_, I whispered mentally. "I've known Blaster for so long. He knows so much about me and he's my guardian, so...He feels more like family. One of the taboos in America is to interface, date, or marry a family member. Honestly, I wouldn't be comfortable even overloading once in his presense, let alone do it all the time if I were to be his socket. It's not fair for me to lead him on."

"You've known us for the same amount of time," Prowl pressed. "Aren't we family to you?"

"Friends."

"Why is Blaster different?"

"I_ told _you. He's my guardian."

"Would you change your mind about him if he wasn't?"

"_No_."

"Why do you want to form a deeper connection with Jazz and I but not Blaster?"

"Leave it, would you?" I growled softly.

"I will not 'leave it,'" Prowl said just as harshly. "I care. Those who trully care will not leave."

I huffed, despartly wanting to sob. To cry. _Something_. "Damn it," I muttered as I banged my head on Prowl's armor. _Why can_'_t I do this? Why is it so damn difficult for me-? _I shook in Prowl's gentle grasp. _Something_. _Anything_. _C_'_mon, already! Cry! Sob! Something! I_ _don_'_t care what! _"Prowl." I tried to make myself cry. I formed the sounds in my throat associated with sobbing, but I still wasn't completely there. "_Help me_. Please," I whispered. "_Please_." _Break them down_, I told him harshly. _I_ _don_'_t care how_. _Just break the walls down_. _I want to cry but I can_'_t_. _Break them_.

_Lilly, it will take months-_

_I don_'_t care_.

Listen_ to me_. _Even with Jazz and I, it will take months, possibly years, to break down these walls_. _They are extremely thick_. _Thickest that I_'_ve ever seen_. _They compete with my own_.

_I don_'_t_ care_,_ _Prowl_. _Just fix this_.

_You won_'_t like it_.

_Doesn_'_t matter_. _Begin the process_.

_It will be extremely violating for you_. _Touch will be involved_. _Your virginity will not be lost, but you will want it to stop and you will feel violated_. My silence was his answer. He sighed. _Very well_._ Just remember that once this starts, I won_'_t stop_.

I stretched out in his hand, slowly going limb. _I trust you_. _Commense operation breakdown_.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Transformers_ (2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation 1_.

I cannot take credit for the socket idea, history, or terminology. The authors who worked on the stories on the Sockets account include: Femme4jack, Aniay (the original co-creator with Femme4jack for the POV verse that helped spawn Dathana de Gray), Gatekat, Chai16, Wilderness, Zomgitsalaura, Fallentaiyoko, Prophetbot, Ace_of_the_arts, Antepathy, Laulun-siivet, sakon76, thepheonixqueen, Flybystardancer, baka_no_neko and Karl Wolfemann.

Cat socket idea wasn't mine. I found it in the Socket story _Dathana de Gray_...I think...At this point, I have no clue. I'll give the proper credit once I find it.

~0~

"Lillian! Lil. Li. An!"

I groaned as I opened my eyes momentarily. My eyes were too heavy to keep open so I placed one arm over my face as I closed my eyes. "Waya wan'?" I mumbled.

Prowl chuckled. "I _want _you to get up. We're at the restaurant."

"Ah ain't goin' in an thas that," I mumbled as I tried to go back to sleep.

"You need food, Lillian. And plenty of water."

"Nuh uh."

I could almost feel Prowl raise an eyebrow. "Coffee."

I let my arm drop so that it hanged off the seat. "What 'bout it?" I asked with one eye open. It quickly closed.

"You want it? Go in and get it."

"Ah'm on a hunger strike...Ya get it."

"What am I going to do with human food? I'm Cybertronian, Lillian. Our bodies don't process food the same way."

I placed my arm back over my face and turned so that my face was mostly against the backseat. Most of what I was saying was really me being exhausted, but the hunger strike part was my sense of humor turning on. "Ah don' know. Throw it at Jazz o' somethin."

"I'll throw something at you in a minute," Prowl grumbled before sighing.

_Don't smile, don't move, don't laugh, don't breath, don't...Wow. I give myself a lot of limitations_, I giggled to myself. _Relax. His sensors will pick up that you're waking up and amused. He can feel you smile. Remember that_. I pretended like I didn't hear Prowl's comment. "Least then ya can wash it off o' somethin," I mumbled. "Ah dunno."

"Lillian," Prowl began with suspicion in his voice...along with something called...playfulness. "What have you heard?"

"Ah ain't heard nothin'."

"Then why are you covering your face? Are you hiding something?"

This guy is the second in command for a reason, I reminded myself. He's too damn smart. "Nuh uh. Ah'm innocent."

"Now I _know_ your hiding something." He poked me with something. Most likely a cable...I didn't dare swat at it, but I did try to wiggle away from it.

"Go 'way," I mumbled as my stomach constricted instinctively at the sensation. "Ah'm sleepin."

"How can you be sleeping if you're talking to me?" Prowl asked as he poked me again and again.

"Takin' in sleep. Ain't no..." I tried desperately to hold myself still as Prowl lifted my shirt up and started tracing circles on my stomach. "Body 'ome. Go 'ooooome." _Don_'_t laugh_. _Don_'_t laugh_. _Don_'_t laugh_. _This is a game now_. _Don_'_t laugh no matter what_..._he does_..._Oh scrap_. I could no longer hide the fact that I was shaking. Choked laughter was muffled in my throat. My forehead and knees were on the seat. I tried so hard to focus on something else. I tried to lower myself so that he couldn't get to my stomach. That failed quickly when he wrapped another cable around my stomach to hold me still. On top of now not being able to squirm, five more cables were added. Two to the back of my knees, one for the back of my neck, and two for my feet. I broke down. No human with the ability to physically feel anything can withstand all that. "Proooohahahahehehahaha-! _Prowl!_" I choked out.

"What is it, Lillian? Is something the matter? I'm afraid I'm a little busy at the moment..._Washing paint _off my bonded, thank you very much. I imagine you got that information from Jazz? Is that correct? Lillian...I know you can hear me. Why aren't you responding?"

_Why the hell do you think I_'_m not responding? Your torturing a poor femme!_

"Ah imagine it's 'cause she's busy too, Prowler. Try coming back next week."

I shook my head for two reasons. One..._I_ _ain_'_t being tickled for an entire week! Nuh uh!_ Two..._Prowl you aft_. _You called Jazz during my torture you will diiiihahahaha! _Of course he also plugged a cable in so that they could both hear my thoughts. _Broadcast the torture, why don_'_tcha?_

_Broadcast the torture? Whatever ya say, Lil_._ Hey Prime!_

_Nonononononononononono! No broadcast! No-! _That was the signal that was being broadcast to Prowl as I shook my head rapidly.

Prowl laughed. _Hold on, Jazz_. _She changed her mind_.

_What? Dang femme, what_'_s wrong with ya? Ya loose yer head o_' _somethin_'_?_

_With the way she is currently laughing Jazz, I would not be surprised_.

_Evil!_ I thought as I collasped from my third release through tickling. Prowl released me this time, but kept one cable plugged in to my socket.

_Am I really?_

_No_..._But your evil twin is_.

Prowl poked me again. _Excuse me?_

_I_'_m sorry! Ack! No! _I giggled like crazy. _I_'_ll get the food, okay? Stop doing that!_

_Is that what this is _'_bout? _Jazz asked after laughing. _Ah thought it was jus_' _for fun_.

_Prowl woke me up_, I thought before giggling again.

_She_'_s not a morning person_, Prowl explained. _She needs fuel and she refused to get up_.

_So ya tickled _'_er?_

_She_ _won_'_t respond to anything else_.

_Interesting_...

_No it ain_'_t_, I thought seriously before putting on yet another change of clothes. _Lil out_.

_Hey! _Jazz protested.

_What? _I asked as I was about to get out of the car.

_Ah don_' _get hugs?_

_Hug, kiss, my looooove_, I sang mentally. Prowl poked me. _An_ _fo_' _the kitty toooo_, I giggled.

_Kitty? _Jazz asked in amusement._ Prowl, since when are you a cat?_

Prowl poked me repeatedly. _I_'_ve been trying to tell her that I_'_m not_. _She_ _won_'_t listen_.

_Did ya tell _'_er_ '_bout our past feline socket? That could be a reason_.

_He_ _hasn_'_t_, I giggled. _He_'_s been purring a lot_.

Jazz hummed in content. _Good_. _That means he_'_s content with a situation_.

_Oh really?_

_Must you really broadcast everything? Now I have to erase her memory_.

_What? _

_He_'_s joking, Lil_.

_Oh_...'_Kay_. _Ah_'_m gonna get food_. _Lil out_.

_See ya_, Jazz thought before Prowl disconnected the cable and finally let me out.

~0~

**What's wrong? **Prowl asked once Lillian was inside the restaurant.

**What makes ya think that something is wrong?**

**Jazz...**

Jazz hesitated. **Ya can't tell Lil.**

**Jazz, I just got her to trust me. If I lie to her-**

**It won't be for long, Prowl. Ah jus' don't want her heart ta be broken so soon. Ah want ta give her one more day of peace before she comes back. **

**Prime ordered us back? I didn't get a message.**

**Ratchet just informed meh. It's 'bout Lil's aunt...**

~0~

Prowl and I stayed in the restaurant parking lot for another hour or so before heading back to base. It didn't take long for me to figure out that something was wrong. Prowl was acting weird and the other bots at base weren't much better. What really jolted me awake, however, was Sonya. There wasn't anything obviously wrong with her, but she...It was weird. She began apologizing to me the moment she saw me. The second I started responding she turned a corner. She acted annoyed, crossed her arms, and started a debate with me about religion.

"Sonya, do you know why I am aware of many religions and Gods?"

She sighed, deciding to humor me. "No. Why?"

"So that if I have go somewhere where I can't reach a soul and have no hope of surviving whatsoever, I can always look up."

"Lilly, your just deluding yourself if you think like that. You can't just hope for a tomorrow, you have to work hard so that there _is_ a tomorrow."

"I understand your way of thinking," I said seriously. "I know that things just can't come to you if you just sit back. But Sonya...hope keeps me working. Hope keeps me on my feet. My way of thinking keeps me _alive_. To me, that's the ultimate goal. Staying alive. You know this." I stared right at her. "Your job is to stay alive and fight for what we have unless information is in danger of being compromised. You know the risks, you know the goal, and you still fight. That's honorable in my book. I understand if you don't agree with my opinions. I don't expect you to. It wouldn't be fair of me if I did. But you have your life and I have mine."

"What are you saying? That we stay seperate?"

"Just the opposite," I said gently. "Sonya, your the only human family member that knows about what really goes on here. Unless I missed the meeting where you shared that intel?"

"I would never share something so classified."

I smiled. "Good."

"Good?"

"Prime wouldn't trust you otherwise."

"Who's Prime?"

I gave her a wtm look. "Your kidding me. Which autobots have you met?" She shrugged. "You don't even know their names?" She sighed before naming them on her fingers...sort of. "Silver, black, gold, chess, psych, blurr, the security director, and Hatchet."

I raised an eyebrow. "Well first of all, Hatchet is just a nickname. His real name is Ratchet. The security director is...Nevermind. He'll tell you if he wants to. Blurr hasn't come to earth yet to my knowledge...Unless you mean Bluestreak. Is he the one that talks for a short period of time and then leaves or the one that talks in paragraphs?"

"Paragraphs."

"That's Bluestreak. Blurr doesn't have doorwings. The only psychologist on this team that I know of is Smokescrean. If I were you, I would refrain from calling Prowl 'chess.' I doubt he has even played the game before. Gold is Sunstreaker...Don't give him any nicknames or try to shorten his name if your in a hurry. Bad things happen if you try. Black is Ironhide. Which silver one?"

"The one with Sunstreaker."

"Sideswipe. You'll hear that pair called the Twins a lot." I blinked. "Wait...so you've never met Jazz?"

"No."

"The one that's always with Blaster?"

"Who's Blaster?"

I facepalmed. "Sonya, who the hell cleared you for duty if you don't even know your own guardian? My god. I thought soldiers were supposed to have at least average deductive reasoning skills." Sonya glared at me. I held up my hands in surrender. "Let me put it this way. You need to know who your going into the field with so that if you get in trouble-"

"I never get in trouble."

"If," I repeated. "If that happens, you'll need to know their names. Any autobots go on your past mission with you?"

"Ironhide and two females."

"Colors?"

"Pink and blue."

"Elita one and Chromia...Don't mess with Chromia. She's Ironhides mate."

"Mate?"

I facepalmed again. "Dios mio," I muttered.

"Do you know _anything _about the autobots?"

"I know they're on our side."

_That_'_s a start_. "Sonya, how long have you been a member of N.E.S.T?"

"A month."

I raised an eyebrow. "Let's try this again. How long was Mark a member of N.E.S.T?"

"Twenty."

"Was anyone else in our family-?"

"No."

"Right." I stared at her. "Give me a sec." I pulled out my phone. "Yo, box-with-the-locks."

"What's up with the new name?"

"Dude, I know you have the keys with you. I can hear them in the background. Stop fixing that lock and help me for a sec. You know my aunt...?"

"Lil, Ah _work _with 'er. Of course I know her. What-?"

"_Yes _the one I live with. Just focus, okay? I-"

"Lil, are ya okay?"

"_No_ I will not let you meet her. Stop reading your lock codes and focus on the conversation for a minute. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Have I...? Dude, I_ live _with her. Of course I've seen her. Have you been smoking again?"

"She's only seen meh once. Lil, where are ya?"

"Wait, please don't tell me your drunk. It's ten, for godssake. Do you want the neighbors calling the cops on you again?"

Jazz sighed. "Ah can drink all the damn drinks Ah wan', girl!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Red Alert yells in the background.

I held the phone away from my ear and flinched. "You done?" I grumbled into the phone.

"Yes," he said to me. "Red, calm down," he whispered. More angry shouts from Red Alert. _I have never been so happy to hear Red yell in my entire life_. "It's just Lil."

"I _know_ that your mother is fifty five years old. That wasn't what I was asking."

"Red, camera fifty five. Zoom in. Location locked."

I sighed. "I don't know, Jude," I said in boredom. "What do you do with a wrench?"

"Its on yer side, Lil. Same as always."

"Not the wench, the _wrench_. Why would I be talking about a witch? This isn't the Salem witch trials, man. _Focus_. You were telling a joke...?"

"The only other human in the video right now is yer aunt, Lil. Is something wrong with 'er? What's with the code?"

"I highly doubt you could throw a wrench that far. Five yards? Sure. But fifty? Last time I checked you weren't the quarterback in highschool. I don't care if you were a jock for a couple years."

"Five years fo' what?"

"Can we get back to the subject please? _Thank_ you. My aunt? Yeah, her. Do you have the keys for the truck?"

"What truck, Lil?"

"No, the company truck that's really expensive and totally amazing," I said sarcastically. "I'm talking about my uncles truck, man. You know, the one that you've had for five years that you've promised to fix?"

"Lilly-" My aunt began.

"Hang on a sec, Jude. Just check the truck record's, okay? I want to know the years on that thing." I looked up at Sonya. "Yeah?"

"I sent his truck to the scrapyard, Lil. Why do you want it?"

I stared at her. "Well, I wanted to see if we could just ride that to go see Blaster, but-"

"What do you mean? Is he not here?"

"Not now. He's on a mission." I held the phone to my ear again. "You got it?"

"She's been in service for ten years, Lil."

I pursed my lips. "Too bad. I thought it had nine more years on it."

"Red, review the tape fo' camera fifty five." Red shouted again in protest. _Thank Primus for Red Alert_. "Just do it, man."

"No, that's fine. I don't need to hear from your boss to confirm it."

"I'll comm Prime to yer lo-"

"Jude, _listen_ to me and stop playing with your damn keys! _Thank_ you. I don't need to see your boss. I'm not driving all the way to your office...I'm not even sure if you can _call _it an office, considering that all you do is watch _Freak Out _on that mini t.v. of yours. Which I paid for. Man, do you have any idea how much I had to _save_ for that thing? Not to mention the run in I had with your boss once I got there."

"Prime's in the office with Red and I."

"Yeah, that's right, I've met your boss. Little hint, Jude, that guy wasn't the kindest dude in the world. So forgive me if I don't want a repeat performance of him going psycho on me 'cause I wouldn't sleep with him."

"Lil, has yer aunt-?"

"You know what? Forget it. Just forget it. Just erase our whole conversation. You can do that, right? I doubt you'll remember anything considering that your completely wasted right now. Thanks for your help." I pressed end. "Honestly."

"You okay?" asked Sonya in amusement.

I huffed before pocketing the phone. "Fine. I forgot how idiotic that guy can be. I'm going to find a place to take a nap. Sorry I couldn't take you to meet Prime."

"It's fine. Maybe next time."

I nodded before leaving the rec room and walking calmly to Red Alert's security room. It opened immediately and I ducked in. "Thank Primus," I said as I collasped to my knees. I looked up at Prime, Jazz, and Red Alert. "Did you delete the footage?"

"Yes," said Prime calmly.

"What was the code 'bout, Lil? What's going on?"

I motioned for Prime to lower himself to my level. He held out a hand and placed me on Red Alert's desk. "Prime, is there any reason that Sonya doesn't know the autobots by name?"

"No. All human soldiers should be introduced to the autobots on base."

"Why would she lie about being in the servive for five years?"

"There's no specific reason to," Jazz said calmly.

"Unless she's a spy!"

I resisted the urge to facepalm. "Or unless she was just bridging the gap between the time my uncle died and the year she became a soldier. But that still doesn't explain why she doesn't know any of you. Jazz, are you sure that Sonya hasn't at least...? Wait a second. I know that she's seen you. When this happened-" I held out my arms. "You were the one who drove me to med bay. Did she ever catch up with you to ask what was going on?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell her your name?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell her what was going on?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell her that Blaster was our guardian?"

"Yes."

I facepalmed. _What the hell is going on? _"Prime, you sent her on a mission, right? Did she come back with visable damage?"

"She was taken off the field from damage to her cranium."

_Brain damage_. "Prime, were you with her on the mission?"

"Yes."

"Did you speak with her and tell her your name?"

"Yes."

"Did you speak with her after the damage was healed?"

"Yes."

"Did she recognize you?"

"No."

_Scrap_. "I need to speak with Ratchet. Where is he?"

"On a mission." _Figures_.

"Who treated Sonya?"

"Ratchet."

"Red Alert, can you comm me the second Ratchet gets in?"

"Ah can establish radio contact with him," said Jazz.

I sighed as I squeezed the bridge between my noise. "No need. I don't want to distract him. I can wait until he gets back." I looked up at Prime. "Thank you for coming here."

He smiled. "Your welcome. Are you sure there's nothing else we can do?"

I thought about it. "Yes. Make sure that Sonya doesn't leave base. I don't want her harming herself."

"You think she might?"

"Yes. I'll stay here until Ratchet gets back." I looked at Prime. "If that's alright."

He nodded. "I'll have your own quarter's arranged."

"There's no need, Prime," Jazz said with a smile. "Prowl an' Ah don' mind."

I smiled. "It's cool with me."

Prime nodded before leaving. I collaspsed to the desk the second he was out. "Hey, Jazz?"

"Yeah?"

"What's the code for your room? I wasn't kidding when I said I needed a nap."

He chuckled. "453631."

"Thanks," I said as he lowered me to the ground.

I was out cold the moment I curled up on Jazz's berth.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers _(2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation 1_.

The following songs were used in this chapter:

I Hate This Part by Pussycat Dolls

Headstrong by Trapt

The Beauty & The Tragedy by Trading Yesterday

Just A Little Girl by Trading Yesterday

**Warning: **Mentions LBGTQIA (Lesbian, Bi, Gay, Trans, Questioning, Intersexual, Asexual), ProwlxJazz (They _will _be bonded, the Cybertronian version of married, in this fanfiction), some language, and conflicting morals...in the entire story.

To avoid confusion, Ratchet got back to base when Lillian was sleeping.

_:Music:_

"_Flashback_."

~0~

I took a deep breath and walked up to Blaster at the energon dispenser._ I Hate This Part _by Pussycat Dolls played on my ipod. _Please understand the message_, I thought as I stared up at Blaster. I was twitching and I could feel the autobots in the room staring at me, but I had to focus. Blaster had to understand the message. He had to. When the song ended Blaster didn't say anything. His eyes trailed to me once or twice during it but he never responded. Forget the lack of music...Blaster not talking is never a good thing.

"Blaster," I said as loud as I could when he turned away. My voice was shaky and sounded like it could break at any moment. "I hate fighting. Can't we talk? Please." Blaster kept his back turned to me. "Blaster," I whispered as tears clogged my vision.

He didn't even turn to look at me as he played _Headstrong _by Trapt in response. He was throwing my own words and our history right back at me in that song. My body was limp and numb again. My mind was frozen. Tears spilled over as Blaster began to leave the room. The song he played back at me rang through my ears as I attempted to follow him. I tripped over my own feet as I tried to chase him. Lennox grabbed me as I fell. "Lillian. Come with me."

"No," I cried. _I_ _can_'_t go through this again_. _I can_'_t! I can_'_t loose another lifeline! _"No. No..." I fell to the ground as tears streammed down my cheeks. I sobbed uncontrollably as I ground my teeth together. I wrapped my arms around myself. "Come back," I whispered. I tried moving again. _I can reach him_. _I can! _I couldn't. Lennox held me in place on the ground. We were both on our knees. _I went too far_. _I_ _shouldn_'_t have snapped at him in the first place_. _That week with Prowl did wonders for releasing my emotions, but as far as controlling them once released_..._No_. _That_'_s no excuse_. _I still should have just kept my mouth shut_. _Just because I don_'_t want to be Blaster_'_s socket doesn_'_t mean I don_'_t want him in my life_. _It_ _doesn_'_t mean that I don_'_t want to see and talk to him sometimes_. _Is that too much to ask for? It might be_..._If you break someone_'_s heart, is it really fair to think that a _'_tolerable_ _ally_'_ relationship is possible?_

_What am I saying? I_'_m miss broken heart_. _Fifteen years ago_..._ringing any bells? Remember that time when you locked yourself in your room and played a _'_nice_ _girl_' _role just to avoid the inevitable possibility of the world exploding all at once? Did you want anything to do with her once that happened? Hell to the no_.

_If ya don_' _stop beatin_' _yerself up _'_bout this, Ah_'_m_ _callin_' _in backup_. _Ah_'_ll give ya a hint_. _Think of a fluffy wrench that meows and moves like a snake_.

I looked up at Jazz sadly and stared at the image before me in disbelief. I watched as several of the objects that Jazz just described slithered around the rec room floor. The wrenches morphed into actual snakes before slithering up my body, infecting it with venom as they went. One snake took out both eyes with its fangs before the pain spread across my body as if it was trying to combust. I realized before I blacked out that my eyes didn't hurt from the fangs gouging them out. It was from the blood coming from the empty sockets.

~0~

I was filled with a sense of urgency when I awoke. I stumbled to my feet and left the room only to walk straight into Sonya. My eyes brightened. "Sonya, where's Blaster? I-"

The slap echoed across the base. It rang in my head like the tremors from a gong. The jolt of it sent me spirling through a flashback.

Sonya slapped me for the third time that week. No matter how many times she did it, no matter how numb I was, the physical abuse still managed to get through to me. "_Your an emotionless sociopath!_"

"_I am not a sociopath_," I responded with a slight bite to it. One of us had to be strong, and if it wasn't going to be her-

Sonya's eyes widened. "_Y-you killed him!_"

"_How can you-?" How can you say that? Your not the only one who cared about him!_

"_Shut up! You know absolutely nothing about anything! You_'_re a kid!_"

My eyes glazed over as the 'kid' comment stabbed my heart. "_Your projecting your emotions instead of dealing with them_."

Sonya stared at me through her black bangs. "_Get out_."

My eyes widened slightly. "_W-what?_"

"_I will not have a homosexual in my house! Leave!_"

_Leave_.

_Leave_.

_Leave_.

That one word played on repeat for several days after the initial fight. I had to choose between cooperating with gay cure therapy or living on my own. She gave me one day to decide. What I really needed was another year, but that was too much to ask for. The same goes for Blaster. I knew he was upset. I knew Sonya and I had a shaky relationship. Having someone slap you is either a real wake up call...or it makes you retreat even further. Considering my flashback, it wasn't hard to guess which direction I was going in.

"Leave Blaster alone," Sonya said threatenly. "Your hurting him."

_I_'_m_ _hurting _him? _Whose the one who just slapped me? _"Fine," I answered monotonously. "I get the message." _Loud and clear_.

She nodded before turning around and walking over to Epps. Epps glanced at me as I spaced out again.

"_I_'_m sorry_."

Sonya stood crying at the door. "_It_'_s not true! It_'_s not true!_"

_Denile is pointless_, I thought as I burned holes into her back. _The sooner you accept the facts, the sooner you move on_.

Sonya circled around before clinging to me and sobbing. I stared right over her shoulder at the man at the door. He tipped his hat at my emotionless face. I nodded before he sealed my fate by closing the door behind him.

I stood up straight and did a one eighty. There was someone I needed to see, and it couldn't wait.

~0~

"Ratchet, we need to talk."

"I'm a little busy at the moment, Lillian."

"I'm sorry, but-"

I froze when I saw Sonya sitting on the medbay berth. She waved with a smile. "Hey Lil. What's up?"

_What_'_s up with the personality switch? _"Nothing much. I-" Sonya giggled. "What?"

"You always say nothing."

"Yes..."

"Nothing is something," she sang.

"Right...I'll just wait at the door..."

_That was weird_. _Now I think I know how Prowl feels when he has to deal with human insanity_. _Hell, if I was an alien robot and heard the random things some humans come up with, I_'_d glitch too_.

I was about to greet Sonya when she came out the med bay only to freeze when she didn't have a friendly expression like before. I watched as she passed me without a glance, completely giving me the cold shoulder. I ran to Ratchet, literally freaking out now.

"I know about the patient confidentiality agreement, but was it really necessary to keep it from me that Sonya has brain damage?"

"She didn't want you to know."

"Not that that's not a surprise, but should you really keep this a secret from her commander's?"

"Her team has been notified, as have the autobots."

_Nice Jazz_. _I_'_m not even sure it would be worth the trip just to throw a wrench at you_. _This is getting ridiculous_. "Ratchet, she shouldn't be working."

"Who gave you the authority to decide that? Are you a medic? Are you studying to be one?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Then don't tell me how to do my job."

I looked at First Aid, who was staring at me with kind optics. I breathed out a shaky sigh. "Your right. I'm sorry. I just..." _Not now_, I thought as tears threatened. I placed my hand over my forehead so Ratchet couldn't see them. "Ratchet," I whispered. "She's the only human family member that I have."

"I'm sure you have plenty other of living relatives you can talk to."

"You don't get it," I whispered harshly as the silent tears started to fall. "My other family members haven't even tried to contact me. They talked to her, but not me, even though they knew full well who I was and where I was." The tears dried up, but my throat was still constricting. First Aid clicked friendly at me in Cybertronian as he knelt down. I patted the digit that traced my cheek. "Fine," I whispered to him as I looked into his optics. "I'll come back later."

"Lillian." I looked up at Ratchet. His back was still to me. "As a medic you learn that you can't save everyone. I'm sorry, but your aunt is just not one that I can save."

"I trust you did everything you could," I said sincerely. "Your a good medic, Ratchet. I don't doubt that."

I traced First Aid's digit before looking into his eyes. "Take care of him," I whispered.

He nodded before standing and going to Ratchet's side. I saw Ratchet tense as First Aid put his hands on Ratchet's shoulders. I left quickly.

~0~

I was huddled under a conditioning unit on the rooftop of the autobot base. I was plugged into my ipod and set the songs on shuffle. There really was no point of having the thing with me other than comfort.

_:For I am finding out that love will kill and save me_

_Taking the dreams that made me up_

_And tearing them away_

_But the same love will take this heart that's barely beating_

_And fill it with hope beyond the stars_

_Only love:_

_Why is this always the case? _I thought as I looked up at the sky. _I always retreat back to myself after opening up_. _Is it natural at this point? _I twitched a smile as my heart constricted and tears fell. _At least I can cry now_. _That_'_s a plus_. _I could sob now if I wasn_'_t distinctly aware of the others below me_. _Below me_..._Is that it? Subconsciousness? Well, its not as if I have shared everything with the autobots_..._Prowl was right_. _I call the autobots my friends but I barely know them and vise versa_. _Is it because of the past? Did it affect me that much? Am I afraid of starting serious relationships now? No_..._That_'_s not it_. _I don_'_t know how to keep a relationship going_. _I_'_m afraid of opening up_ _and yet enjoy having people that I would like to get to know better ask me questions_. _I_ _don_'_t care if it takes hours or days, I will listen and answer_. _But that goes both ways_. _I_ _won_'_t interrogate someone without a reason_. _How will a person know that I like them if I don_'_t do things that make them aware_..._at least have some hint_..._that I want a deeper relationship? Is that really that difficult for me? But I was fine with Prowl and I trust Jazz, so_...I placed my head in my hands. _What is this? I don_'_t know this_. _I_ _haven_'_t felt this_._ Is it really sexual attraction that allows for deeper connections? _'_You shouldn_'_t have to compromise_.' _I want love_. _I do_. _But I don_'_t want to intrude on people_'_s lives_. _I_ _don_'_t want to push the boundaries_.

_Boundaries? What boundaries? How can you know if you_'_ve crossed the boundaries if you haven_'_t asked them? You can_'_t form an opinion of someone unless you hear it from their own mouth_...

_:You never cared to hear the other side_

_So why would you care to keep this thing alive?_

_You paint me into the memory of all your pain_

_But I will not be drawn into the past again:_

I assumed that she knew. I didn't ask. I blurted it out to her while we were talking when no one was around. She hugged me, held me, and told me it was okay. She said that didn't matter. She was the first person who accepted my asexuality. The first one who knew. She was the first to get to know a piece of me behind the mask. I let her see behind the mask. I tried somewhat...I just didn't try hard enough. She did most of the communication. _She_ tried. I don't know what made her buy the medication. The problem was...when we were growing up, there was no name for it. There was just heterosexuals and homosexuals. That's it. That's all there was. Asexuality was thought to be impossible. It still is.

I stared at the stars for a while. My tears were dried again, but my heart still constricted. _Did I not explain it well enough? Was that her way of wanting to help me? _I didn't talk much then. I talked much more than I used to. I began to open up..._Maybe her giving me the medication_..._was her way of saying_..._that she wanted to deepen the relationship? _I placed my hands over my heart and kneeled over. She didn't run away from the relationship. When she last told me that we would 'get through this together', I didn't say anything to her. I ran away. Tears fell on the sidewalk. I didn't care what I looked like to other people or what she said to me...All I knew was that I had to run and so I locked myself in my room. I didn't say anything to Sonya. I feined sleep until I calmed down enough to sleep. _I was running from pain_. _I was trying to outrun pain_._ All I_'_ve felt for sixteen years is pain_. _I had forgotten how to release the pain until recently_. I bent over until my hair was covering the sides of my face. I forced myself to sob at first. To make some noise. The tears followed at their own will. I was blind, but I could feel.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers _(2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation 1_.

The following songs used in this chapter were:

Blow Me (One Last Kiss) by Pink

Low by Flo Rida

~0~

I dragged myself in from outside to the rec room. Even though my body was drained, I couldn't just sleep through the day. Granted, it was early in the morning and the sun was just rising...

"Lilly!" With those factors I thought I was safe from detection. However, I seemed to have forgotten that I am never safe from Jazz. I grunted when someone jumped on my back. "What's up?"

"Femme, get off!" I growled.

"Aw..." she said as she slid off. "Your mean."

"Little hint. No coffee plus early morning equals irritated Lilly." I raised an eyebrow at her pout and the single lilly in her braided brown hair. _Only one mech I know has that exact pout_. I walked up to Jazz when I got my coffee, his hologram snuggling my arm. "Jazz, what's with the early warning system with the _lilly colored_, short, summer dress? Is this payback for painting you purple or a thank you gift? It's too early for me to tell the difference."

Jazz grinned. "Just a cheering up mechanism I created. Ya like?"

"Why would she? She hates holoforms."

"Blaster," I growled as he dragged himself into the rec room.

He looked at me. "What?"

Jazz's holoform tugged on my arm. I ignored the warning. "I understand that I hurt you, but this is ridiculous!"

"You always say-"

"_For real!_ Blaster, you saying that I hate holoforms is like saying I hate humans! I care for every sentient being!"

"Then why-?"

"Why do you think I cried when I told you what I told you? Huh? You've been acting all moody and I understand that your down and that you need love, but I can't give it. You know why I say that? So you can find someone _better! _I want you to find someone who deserves you, Blaster! You were assigned to me, not-"

"What are you saying? That you don't want me to be your guardian?"

"I will care for you until the end of time and I never want you to seize to exist. Why is it so bad for me to want you to love someone who actually _reciprocates_ that love?"

"Because it isn't you. I know you."

"Not enough. Blaster, you haven't_ looked_. You haven't been searching for another for all this time. Move on."

"Because you have?"

"Yes," I answered honestly. "I can't love you. Find someone who can." With that I walked out, coffee cooling on the table...with a side order of Blow Me (One Last Kiss) by Pink. If I was going to go out, I might as well have done it with style.

~0~

It probably took an hour but I finally found a place where I could relax and not have to worry about having a decepticon...or autobot...attack me. At this stage I wouldn't be surprised if Red Alert jumped me for being a nuisance to the Ark. _Speaking of Red Alert_...I pulled out my ipod that Red had originally confiscated because he thought it would be a threat to national security. He gave it back to me after putting a tracking device in it and learning that I was only deadly without music. I put my ipod on shuffle before free styling something between the fudderwack, moonwalk, balle, cwalk, popping, and jerkin'. When the last song played I settled myself _low low low low _into my typical meditative locus position. It took thirty minutes for my heart and body to calm down and five minutes for a nuisance to appear. At first I thought it was an annoying bug tickling my nose, and when it left for five seconds I felt relieved...Until the 'bug' lowered to an area I didn't realize would be in reach for anyone until that moment. I grabbed the object and pulled it down, not at all amused.

"What the hell is wrong with you and Prowl?"

"What'd we do?" Jazz asked in shock as he jumped down from the boldier I had my back against.

"Maybe its the fact that I haven't meditated or studied ninjutsu in fifteen years, but I'm pretty sure that your not supposed to tickle someone out of a meditative state."

"Ya enjoyed it, didn't ya?"

"Why would I enjoy having a...feather cat toy...of all things touch me in a personal manner? I don't_ like _having my personal bubble being invaded. Especially not when I am emotionally unstable."

"Ah thought that ya were used ta us touching ya by now."

"Not while I'm ticked. Not even Blaster touches me when I'm ticked off and he's my guardian." My eyes softened. "Was my guardian."

"Who cares whose who? We're yer friends, ain't we?"

I facepalmed. _Way to guilt trip me_. "That's not the point."

"Ain't we?" Jazz repeated forcefully.

I sighed before looking into Jazz's optics. "Yes," I said softly. "I care about all of you."

"Even Mirage an' Sunstreaker?" Jazz asked teasingly.

I shrugged. "Can't judge a book by its cover."

"Even if it's a decepticon?"

"I judge the contents, not the label."

"Now it just sounds like ya memorised that."

I shrugged again. "Think what you like." Jazz stared at me. "_What?_"

"Blaster was right. Ya don' care 'bout anything when yer ticked."

"Jazz, how much does Blaster_ tell you _exactly?"

It was his turn to shrug. "Pretty much anythin'. He's an open book with meh."

I snorted. "I need a better guardian," I mumbled.

"Are ya askin' or am Ah deaf?"

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you being deaf would explain why your music is so loud."

"Excuse meh? Do ya _wan_'ta get tickled again?"

"No."

"Ya sure? 'Cause ya sound like ya asking for it anyway," Jazz said as he poked me.

"Ack! Oh no no no no _no!_" I tried running and failed miserably.

"Funny," Jazz began teasingly. "Ya lips say no but all Ah hear is _yes! _Hm...maybe Ah am deaf."

"Your not deaf!" I shrieked. Jazz had me pinned against the boldiers, kept me caged with one hand, and drew out the torture with the other.

"Really? Ah'm not? Then I want an apology for tricking meh!"

"Sorry!"

"Whose sorry? Is Blaster sorry? Is Prowl sorry? Ya got ta be specific, Lil."

_Damn autobot_. "I-ahahaha! I'm sorry!"

"Now who ya apologizing to?"

"_Jazz!_" I screamed in outrage. I collasped into Jazz's hand and took several minutes to get my breathing back to normal and to notice the same problem that Prowl had left me with. _No doubt Jazz has already picked up on it and plans on fixing it_, I thought grumpily.

"Ya okay?" I nodded once I stood up but I didn't look at Jazz. I leanned against the boldier behind me casually, trying to act like nothing was wrong. "Ya know..." I glanced at him briefly before looking away again. "Prowl mentioned something about being yer teacher in metalico an' that ya were interested in meh being yer masta' too if Ah was cool with it."

I snapped to attention immediately. "Are you?"

"Ya ever hear o' patience is a virtue?" Jazz asked in amusement at my sudden attentiveness.

I looked down again. "Sorry..."

"Ya didn't answer mah question."

I looked up. "I have heard of it."

"Ah wan' ta teach ya patience as yer first lesson."

"How?"

"Sparing, o' course." I stared at him when I saw...something...dancing in Jazz's optics. Mischief? What's so mischievous about sparing? 'I yelled at him to stop touching me in undignified ways during sparing...' Yeah, that could be it.

"I don't know, Jazz. I'm not trying to disobey you or anything, but I've never spared before. I don't know any of the movements, positions, or react-" I froze before jumping away immediately when Jazz sent a punch my way. I continued to block him before he tried to kick me in the face. I lowered to the ground immediately and tried to sweep his legs out from underneath him with one leg extended. I stood up and looked at him when his holoform jumped to avoid it and landed somewhere behind me.

He laughed. "Yer reaction time's fine. Ya worry too much. Now..." I yelped and jumped a good distance in the air when his holoform grabbed my aft. I took the opportunity to twirl around with a leg extended, trying to kick his holoform's face off. "Show meh whatcha got."

Thirty minutes later, I was a mess. Prowl wasn't kidding when he said that Jazz touched him in inappropriate ways during sparing. It didn't matter if it was Jazz or his holoform. Whatever he threw my way, it had the same effect of both ticking me off and arousing me to some extent. He knew it. I know he knew it. That was probably why he stopped when his holoform kicked me roughly. I landed with my back against a boldier and I was breathing hard.

"Mental o' physical?" Jazz asked gently as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. I didn't contemplate it for long before I started feeling dizzy. I looked up at Jazz, legs slowly turning to jelly. "Lil...? Lil!" The last thing I saw was a blurr of silver.

~0~

You know what I remember? Being stuck. I was stuck in my own body and I couldn't fix anything. My voice fell on deaf ears.

"She needs an operation."

_I can talk you know_. _Hey! Listen! _

"Are you sure it's worth it? The heart is in critical condition."

"We must act quickly."

_I_ _don_'_t need an operation! You_'_re making a big mistake!_

"She's flatlining! The operation is failing!"

"She never had a heart to begin with."

~0~

I remember waking up feeling heart clenching fear. I bent over and cried when I could finally move. I was relieved and frightened in the same instant. Duel emotions are too bothersome. Jazz nudged me into his arms during the session and cuddled me to his chest to gain some warmth and comfort from his spark. When I was relatively stable, I couldn't manage my normal tone as Jazz started talking.

"Lil, Ah'm sorry. Ah shouldn't have pushed ya."

"Its fine," I whispered in a drained voice.

"No it ain't," Jazz said harshly. "Ya were emotionally and physically exhausted. Ah saw ya dancin' befo' an' Red heard an' saw ya cryin' two solar cycles ago when everyone else was in recharge mode."

"Your temptation tested my restraint," I said with a slight smile that didn't last long. I was trying to lighten the mood. "Its my fault for pushing myself. I would have jumped over the edge had I not fainted."

"Lil, ya jumped over the edge in recharge," Jazz said urgently. A clawed digit traced my cheek delicately. "Ya not yerself."

"Everything is finally settling into my processor," I said softly. "It's normal for me to be like this."

"Not around us it ain't."

"Blaster knows," I said as I placed my head on one hand casually. "He saw me before the reveal for a year. Whenever I'm not stable I retreat within myself."

"Lil, ya can't do that. It ain't healthy."

"Its how I _survived_, Jazz. You have to do whatever you can to survive. I wasn't about to loose my spirit and my life. Retreating was like being in a hybernative state for a year...At least I came out alive."

"Coz o' us. Is that supposed ta be happier?"

"It's the truth," I said softly.

Jazz sighed as he pulled me closer to his spark. "Ah believe ya. Jus'...tell meh when yer gettin' close to yer limit."

I nodded. There was only a slightly uncomfortable silence between us as Jazz gently rubbed idle circles on my back. "Hey Jazz," I finally whispered. "What's Primus like?"

Jazz snorted. "Where'd ya get _that _from?"

"Prowl mentioned that there was a spiritual side to metalico on the ride home."

Jazz hesitated. "Home?"

I blinked before blushing slightly. "Base...N.E.S.T. Headquarter's...You know what I mean."

"Base is home?"

"You guys live here don'tcha?" I replied heatedly before breathing deeply. "Sorry."

"S'kay," Jazz said before considering something. "Lil, how would ya like ta live here?"

I pursed my lips. "You mean with Blaster? I'm not sure that's the wisest course of action right now."

"Ah mean with meh an' Prowler," Jazz said lightly. "After all, ya_ are _gonna be training with us. We can't keep traveling back an' forth."

"What about my job?"

"Becoming a metalico master ain't enough?" Jazz asked in amusement. "Ya need a job, too? One o' us needs ta be coherant durin' training an' if it ain't meh...Ya at least have ta know whatcha doing. The decepticons could come back anytime. We already have plenty o' humans here. One more ain't gonna make a difference."

"I'm not a soldier."

"Would being mah an' Prowl's charge be enough?"

I blinked. "You _both _want to be my guardian?"

"We're a package deal anyway," Jazz said good naturedly. "Plus Ah tend ta go on long missions. Yer gonna need Prowl an' vise versa durin' those."

I hesitated. "Only if Prowl says yes."

"He already knows an' agrees."

"Then I gladly accept the offer. Now...about Primus..."

Jazz chuckled. "Mech's friggin' tiny. Human size."

I smiled slightly. "You for real? I thought He was supposed to be planet size."

"That's what_ Ah _said," Jazz said as he laughed. "N'aw. Mech puts Metroplex ta shame. He brings kindness ta a whole other level. Mech said He'd level me if Ah didn't come back."

I chuckled lightly at the idea of Primus hurting anyone. "Sounds fun. Remind me to deck him for ya."

"Lil, yer the size of half the Mech's eyelash if we had any. An' I'm talkin' _nonexistent _eyelashes. How ya gonna deck him?"

"Ask for a power boost on the final level?"

"Ah don' think ya want ta reach the final level, Lil," Jazz said softly. "It may be comforting and yer spark feels like it's gonna explode like a star in happiness...But when the game is ova...ya don' come back. Ya can feel the it fade, Lil. Ya know that there's going to be nothing after Primus is done with ya. Ya know that you ain't goin' ta see yer friends again if ya even remember them amist the happiness of nothingness but warm light. Yer last _moments _may be happy, but yer last _moment_, that split astrosecond of sudden awareness where everything suddenly falls into place and yer want ta share it with someone but can't 'cause you'll be gone the next second and never exist again...It's the scariest feeling in the universe. Worse than knowing yer going ta die an' can't do anything about it. At least with that yer can hope for another chance at life and spend it with yer friends an' family. At least with that ya can leave somethin' _behind_. There's no hope when it's game over for Primus, Lil. When ya reach game over, ya don' exist. Ya become Primus and Primus-"

"Is all there is. He is everything and He will never die, but you can. Sucks."

"True," Jazz said as he rubbed my back and brought me closer to his spark. "But Ah would rather go with Primus than go with Unicron."

"The neverending debate," I whispered as I wiped my tears away with my blanket. "Ya know, humans spend their lives debating religion, politics, culture, sexuality, and the environment when they could just be living their lives."

"It's so the next generation can live a happier, longer life."

"That's the hope."

"An' hope is Primus."

"Amen."


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers _(2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation 1_.

"Location: Rec Room. Bot Count: Three. Level: High Priority."

I honestly don't know how it started, let alone when, but I do know that Rewind was in some need of serious de-stressing. In his position, that meant playing mind games. I knew that his mind was supposed to be focused on warcraft so that he could provide prompt and accurate information in battle, but that was precisely why I agreed to play with him. Every being needs some downtime even if they don't realize it.

"Who is thy superior?"

"Soundwave."

"Query: Why?"

"Response: Soundwave is never in the rec room, the rec room at the Decepticon base is scarcely used, and Knock Out and Megatron are the only ones who interrupt him. Soundwave is also third in command."

"Reasoning: Logical. Accuracy: Incorrect." Rewind smiled at my confused face. "The answer is Optimus Prime. Above Blaster, he is my superior. Jazz is third in command, Blaster's best friend, and above Blaster in the ranks."

I scrunched my eyebrows together. "Wouldn't Jazz be the answer, then? I don't see Prime right now."

"That may be, but Optimus is above Jazz in ranks. Therefore, he is my ultimate superior. Optimus Prime is also usually never in the rec room as you predicted with Soundwave. I did warn you that I would try to deceive you."

"You forgot to say which base."

"It wouldn't be fun if I told you that."

I smiled. "Wise guy."

"'Wise guy. Someone who is always trying to seem more clever than everyone else in a way that is annoying.'" Rewind frowned. "How rude."

I laughed until I felt the ground shake.

"Why are you fueling his addiction to 'cause friction?"

I blinked at Blaster. "I didn't know it was a problem. I just thought he enjoyed games."

"His memory banks need to be fueled with useful information, not human game questions."

I packed the game before staring up at the ceiling when Rewind and Blaster left. I sat up when I heard rumbling and looked at Steeljaw as he jumped from the floor to the autobot couch. I pet his head, unsure how else to interact with him. "Don' mind him," Jazz said as he sat beside me. "He's stressed. The cassettes will start going mental if Blaster doesn't find a socket soon."

"Can't the cassettes each get seperate sockets and then share the energy with Blaster?"

"Blaster's a stubborn aft when it comes ta sharing," Jazz said. "Worse than Optimus. Ya have to basically knock him out and share while he's not in a position ta protest. He's willing to share his socket with others but refuses for others to do the same."

"Counterintuitive," I mumbled as Steeljaw laid his head and front paws on my lap. I continued to pat his head in comfort.

"What's worse is the cassettes. They won't even be with their own socket's when it gets this bad 'cause o' the negative energy surrounding their carrier. They can take care o' themselves, o' course...But they still feel it in their sparks. That he's not getting enough. Ramhorn almost rammed him into Ratchet this morning just to give him a hint."

I frowned slightly at that image as I stared down at Steeljaw. My eyes softened as a memory came to the surface.

When I woke up that fateful morning, I had a headache. I considered it not to be a problem, considering what I had gone through. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to go anywhere...But I had to move. If there was one thing that I knew, it was that I had to stay physically healthy. I didn't want to cause trouble for others. I didn't want to hurt Sonya by hurting myself. So I got up, brushed my teeth, sat in the shower with the hot water running for five minutes, and cooked myself eggs and set aside two pieces of bread for toast. At least they would keep me full for the time being. I didn't want to eat anything extravagant that would just sit in my stomach. _At least I can keep this down_. _The last thing that I want to do is eat something and then have it come back up_. _I hate being sick_. _And yet_...My eyes softened as I stared at my half-eaten food. _Isn_'_t being emotionally drained like being sick? Does that explain why I don_'_t want to do anything physically extreme? Water_, I thought suddenly when I reached for my glass of juice and saw it empty. _Have to keep hydrated_. _No fainting_. _Can_'_t worry Sonya_. _Have to play a character_. _The perfect niece_. _You are in a play_, I told myself. _You are in a marvelous play_. _You are a good girl in a marvelous play_. _Play your part to the fullest_. And I did. I played the part well. To my knowledge, Sonya never suspected a thing. She never asked about my 'ex' girlfriend. I was happy about that.

Maybe the real reason I was happy was because I had spent the day reading the Narnia series. I needed hope. God was hope. However, I wasn't going to listen to some preacher talk about God and his miracles on television. I reached God through Narnia. Asland. Asland calmed me down. I looked to his wisdom. Maybe that was also why I was so happy to see him in my dreams that night. It felt so real to me. I could feel his fur and look into his eyes. His eyes said everything that I ever wanted to feel and hear. _I love you, I accept you, and I will never leave you_. _No matter what happens, and I mean _no matter what_, I will not leave you_. He didn't say a word. He didn't have to. I was content with simply seeing him, being in his presense, and being able to touch his fluffy mane.

The cassettes care about Blaster. In a way, I suppose that translates into caring for me. Steeljaw didn't have to stay with me during the whole night. He didn't have to pretend he was someone else. But when I woke up, he was gone. I remember tears falling afterward even though I considered what had happened to be the best dream that I had ever had. I pat him some more before sighing and tapping his helm twice. He sat up and looked at me. "Thank you. You can go back to Blaster. He must be worried." Steeljaw placed his head under my own and purred deeply. I smiled before kissing his nose. "Go. I'll see you later." Steeljaw jumped down and ran to find Blaster.

"Did ya mean that?"

I looked up at Jazz. I smiled with sad eyes. "I never break a promise."


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers _(2007), _Transformers_: _Generation 1 _or _Transformers_: _Animated_.

**Bonded Speech**

~0~

There really needs to be a limit to how many times you are called to the medbay, especially in one week. Ratchet had been calling me in when he wasn't busy so that he could check on me. _Couldn_'_t he just scan me and be done with it? _One day after the trivia master incident, Ratchet left me a text message on my cell phone to get to the medbay as soon as possible. Thinking that it may be a medical emergency, I went...and got stuck in a meeting with Prowl and Jazz. It wasn't exactly the topic I wanted to stick around for, but First Aid was blocking the only exit.

"Lillian, I want you to ignore Blaster-"

"I can't just-"

"He's not yer guardian. We are."

I scowled before sighing and looking at Prowl. "What are my options?"

"Acceptin' the comfort we give ya," Jazz said before Prowl could get a word out.

I crossed my arms. "Why does everything always go back to a square one homerun?"

"Loosing your virginity at the present moment would elevate your anger to dangerous levels. Jazz and Prowl will continue with your cyberninja training with no sharp weapons."

I snorted. "What do you think I'm going to do? Commit suicide?" I waited for a response and straightened up when I got none. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, guys. Really. Suicide would _never_ be an option for me."

"It is merely a precaution," Prowl said monotonously.

I looked into his optics before huffing. "Fine. What else?"

"Touch will obviously be part of the training process unless ya _wan_' us ta let ya fall fifty feet," Jazz said humorously.

I twitched a smile. "Not really. No."

"We are aware that you do not like to be touched under certain circumstances and that being angry is one of them, but you will have to let us touch you," Prowl continued. "The same goes for your mental walls. Ratchet has told us to break them down when you are most relaxed."

"You do realize that my mind will only fight you now that you've told me?" I asked humorously.

"We are counting on the fact that you trust us enough to let us in regardless of your subconscious," Prowl said gently.

_Guilt trip_, I thought as I winced mentally, subconsciously removing a brick from a mental wall in the process. "How far did you say we would be from the ground, exactly?"

~0~

I shook uncontrollably from my position on the beam. I held onto the tree like a lifeline. "Lil, ya gotta let go sometime," Jazz reprimanded with his hands on his hips.

I took a shaky breath as I opened my eyes to look at Jazz. "Did I mention that I'm afraid of heights? 'Cause I am."

"You seem to be comfortable in our hands on the same level," Prowl commented.

"I know that I'm safe in your hands. I'm not so confident on a beam up in some ridiculously tall trees with no safety equipment."

"Lillian, do you really believe that we would let you fall?"

"No, but my subconscious fear of heights is seriously trying to erase that fact. Can I get down now?"

"Not until ya try," said Jazz. I didn't realize how serious or impatient he could be until we began training. Prowl was an angel in comparison. I turned around, hands still gripping the bark even if it stuck to my hands like glue. I stared straight ahead before glancing down. When I still didn't move, Jazz sighed. "Let meh put it this way. Either try or we poke ya til ya do."

"That will only elevate her stress levels, Jazz," Prowl reprimanded. "We want to help her, not hurt her more."

"Ah know that, but she ain't movin'."

"She's scared, Jazz."

"We're right here ta catch 'er, ain't we?"

"Um...guys?" I had moved to other side of the beam already. It was much easier when they weren't looking at me.

"You must be more considerate. Humans are used to being fragile."

"Oh sure. This coming from Mr. Considerate."

"I may not show my emotions like you do or socialize as easily, but I know when to be gentle."

"Guys!"

"Like Ah don't?"

"I didn't say that."

_Whatever_, I thought as I sighed mentally. I moved onto the next level without them before looking up and smirking. _Oh yes_. My fear of heights diminished as I focused on my new mission. I placed my left hand over my mouth and silently laughed when I heard Jazz and Prowl continue to argue without even knowing where I was. _Mr_. _and Mrs_. _Smith_, I thought in amusement. _I_'_ll give ya one guess whose the female_. _Not that it matters_. _The female can still kick some major aft_. I took a deep breath as I looked down and realized how high I was. _If my calculations are wrong I_'_m dead_, I thought nervously as I looked down. My entire weight was on two huge branches. They could hold my weight just fine, but once I jumped...It wasn't like I was that far from Jazz's head, but still. _Shouldn_'_t he sense me by now? Isn_'_t this a good thing? If he was a decepticon_...I smiled. _Right_. _He_'_s just a regular deception_..._that will catch you when you fall_. _Well_..._here goes nothing_...

"Lil, what the hell?"

"If you were a decepticon you would _so_ be dead right now," I said in amusement as I gripped onto Jazz's chest plates like a lifeline. "Ya know..." I trailed off as I attempted to look up at Jazz and ended up almost falling. I gripped the plates again as I shook. "This is where weapons come in handy."

"Easy girl," Jazz said as he held his hands out to steady me. "Ya can chill for a while."

"I-I j-j-jumped h-here." I looked up again after I took a deep breath. "Can I climb?"

"The probability of receiving cuts-" Prowl began.

"I'll be careful and Jazz will catch me if I fall. Please?"

They looked at each other. Jazz shrugged minutely. Prowl looked at me. "Don't stress yourself."

_I_'_m stressing myself just by doing this_, I thought as I started climbing inch by inch. Once I got to the top I croutched down like a lion about to pounce. _Can I reach the beam from here_..._?_ I shifted into a normal sitting position. _Never mind_. _There_'_s no way I can jump that far_.

I looked at Jazz. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"The question should be if he hurt you in your surprise attack," Prowl said as he walked closer.

"I'm fine. Probably just some bruises."_ I am so glad that I wore thick elbow length gloves_.

"If you weren't wearing those gloves your right arm wouldn't be fine. You are extremely lucky that Jazz's armor just ripped the fabric and not your skin."

"I know. I just wanted to know if I could achieve a surprise attack."

"Please be more careful next time," Prowl ordered. I didn't take it personally. I knew what I did was reckless and that he was just worried, but a decepticon isn't going to be looking for a tiny human ninja. I was just lucky that Jazz saw me when I fell. I'd be roadkill if he didn't.

I nodded before looking at Jazz. "Are you okay?" I rubbed his shoulder in comfort. "I didn't mean to startle-Oh...Okay, well, I did mean to startle you, but that's not the point."

"If yer point was that ya can scare the livin' spark out o' meh, ya achieved it," Jazz said in amusement. He rubbed my back in comfort since I was still shaking. "I'm fine physically. Prowl is right, though. Ah know that ninjas are supposed ta be silent an' deadly, but there are safer ways of practicing surprise attacks without ending up dead yerself."

"I know. I'm sorry." I hesitated. "Can we try something on the ground now?"

"I think that would be acceptable," Prowl said with a smile as he held out his hands for me.

I jumped onto them unsteadily and fell on my face. "Good. 'Cause I hate heights."

"Lil, ya jumped from ten feet above my head," Jazz said with his hands on his hips. "If that ain't courage Ah don' know what is."

Prowl attempted to put me on the ground. My legs gave out when my feet touched the forest floor. "Easy," Prowl said as he helped me lean against a tree.

**Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.**

**She'll be fine. Just give her time. **

**Jazz, she's still shaking and she's on the ground.**

**She just jumped from a decent height and 'attacked' a Cybertronian. I'd be concerned if she didn't show some fear considering her lack of military training.**

**We must be careful with her.**

**Ah know, love. **Jazz traced the side of Prowl's face. **And she knows that. Ah'm happy knowing that.**

I breathed deeply as I placed my head against the tree. _Easy_, I repeated in my head. _That was far from easy_. I breathed out a final breath as I focused on the silence surrounding me. I placed my hands on the ground to feel the soil. I stood up with my eyes closed and my back against the tree. _Feel the earth_, I reminded myself. _Relax_. I stretched experimently, testing my joints, before removing my shoes and socks. It would be easier to move if I could feel everything. I opened my eyes once I felt the soft soil beneath my feet. I blinked at Prowl and Jazz's holoforms. Prowl had his hands in his pockets. Jazz was smiling with his arms crossed. "Ya okay now?" Jazz asked humorously.

"Better. Yes. Now what?"

"Now we try balancing on the ground. Can you put your leg up against the tree?" I put weight on my left foot and lifted my leg up so that it was at a ninty degree angle. "Higher." I placed my hands under my leg and lifted it up another ten degrees. "Higher," Prowl pressed.

"I might need help for higher," I said in amusement as my muscles strained. I guess it was better than trying to do a split on the ground...

Jazz literally picked me up in my current position so that I was a foot from the tree. He held me in my current position so that I didn't fall on my behind. Prowl lifted my leg up 120 degrees from the ground. _Ow_, I thought before Jazz slowly released his hold on me. _Whoa, whoa, ack! _I thought as I lost my balance quickly. They both caught me. I planted my feet on the ground and stood up. "How is this going to help me be a ninja, exactly?"

"You need basic balance skills in dangerous situations."

I sighed as I stared at the tree. "Okay. Let's go again."

"That's the spirit!" Jazz exclaimed before he pulled a football couch move.

I yelped as I jumped in the air. "Hey!"

"What?" Jazz asked innocently with a grin. "We did say there would be touch involved."

"Yeah, like with the tree just now. Not romantic advances!"

"Think of it as the quickest way to get your leg working again. It's not as sore, right?"

I got a confused look on my face as I looked at my leg. "Well, no..."

"Good. We should be heading back. Though it may be a good idea to leave Jazz behind. What do you think, Lillian?" Prowl winked.

I giggled while Jazz's jaw dropped. "I think that's a good idea."

"Hey!" Jazz flailed, which made me laugh. "Ya don' leave a mech behind! Yer a tactician!"

"You bet I am," Prowl said as he took advantage of Jazz's flustered state to make out with him. I smiled, turned around, and began to walk away. _I_'_ll just wait over here- _"Where do you think your going?"

Prowl and Jazz jumped me from behind, put their arms over my shoulders and kissed my cheeks. I froze again as I heated up. "Ya okay, Lil?" Jazz asked innocently. "Do ya have a fever?"

"Fever my aft!" I exclaimed as I tried to wack him.

"If you say so," Prowl said as he lifted me up over his shoulder.

"_Prowl!_" I exclaimed indignantly. "Put me down!"

Prowl chuckled. "As you wish." His holoform disapeared and I dropped to the ground.

"Evil," I mumbled to the ground.

They both laughed. Jazz offered his hands. "C'mon," he chuckled. "Let's go home."

I snorted, face still red, but accepted the offer. "Home sounds nice." _Very nice_, I thought as I started calming down. It didn't take me long to fall asleep in the backseat of Jazz's alt mode. I guess comfort came in different ways than expected.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Transformers_ (2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation_ _1_.

So this is...sort of a crack chapter. To be specific, I'm making Lillian's subconscious a mischievous pranking beast. ;) Figured this story needed a break from the typical angst.

The following songs were used in this chapter:

Ignition by Toby Mac

Flesh by Simon Curtis

_:Music:_

~0~

_I_ _can_'_t believe those idiots left me on base alone_. When I had woken up from my nap, the base was completely empty. I decided to walk around for the hell of it, and came to the conclusion that everyone had left for battle. _What I really can_'_t believe is that I didn_'_t hear the alarms go off_. _Red Alert usually leaves them on for awhile_. _Maybe I should visit him? Haven_'_t done that awhile_..._Nah_. _He_'_s probably busy enough as it is_. _Ratchet_'_s probably preparing for when everyone comes back home and such_...

_Well, it could be worse_.

_Really? How? _

_You could be stuck with Soundwave tentacle love-_

_What?_

_Soundwave tentacle love_.

_And you know that he was tentacles how_..._?_

_I kind of investigated Jazz_'_s mind while you were out of it and he was talking to Prowl_..._?_

_So_ _I_'_ve got a mischievous subconscious_..._and_ _I_'_m talking to myself_..._Great_. _Ten minutes by myself on the Ark and I_'_ve already lost it_.

_Your alone_..._on the Ark_...

_Yeah_. _And?_

_Let me phrase this delicately_. _Your completely alone on the autobots _abandoned _ship_.

..._still not following_...

_Hello! _S.C. flailed. _You_ _can_'_t get in trouble for pranks! _

_Not really interested_. _How about I just read- _

_In Prowl and Jazz_'_s offices? Or better yet, your now shared room with them! Brilliant!_

_Why do I get the feeling_ _I_'_m not going to be doing any reading in either of those places?_

_You can read anytime_. _C_'_mon, think outside of the box, here! You can raid their offices!_

_For what, pray tell?_

_Naughty stuff_.

I blinked. _To do what with? There_'_s no need for me to search their offices_. _Plus Prowl would kill me for messing up his office_.

..._Jazz_'_s office? I bet he has some wicked stuff_.

_Even Jazz knows to keep his private and public lives seperate_.

_Your kind of giving me a buzz kill_. _C_'_mon! There won_'_t be another chance like this in the future!_

_I still don_'_t get why your so wound up-_

_That_'_s it!_

_I_'_m afraid to ask, but_..._what?_

_:Start it up_

_Turn it on_

_We can ride this storm:_

_You_'_ve been so _tense _lately_...

_:Comatose_

_Half hearted_

_Room temperatures fine_

_Sleep walkin_'_, no dream is even fillin_' _our minds_

_Earth shakin_'

_We be quakin_' _like a wake up bomb:_

_Yeah_. _And?_

_:Take a look around or come test the water_

_We won_'_t stop _'_til we see morning_

_So welcome to the quiet before the storm hits:_

_Nothing gets through that thick head of yours, does it?_

_:Turn on, turn on_

_Turn on the ignition_

_Turn on, turn on_

_Turn on the ignition_

_Jump start my heart:_

_I beg your pardon?_

_:This is not the way into my heart, into my head_

_Into my brain, into none of the above_

_This is just my way of unleashing the feelings deep inside of me_

_This spark of black that I seem to love:_

_Service yourself, you idiot! Ever heard of self service?_

_:We can get a little crazy just for fun_

_Just for fun_

_Don_'_t even try to hold it back_

_Just let go:_

_I have a sick mind_.

_:Push up to my body, sink your teeth into my flesh_

_Get undressed, ta-taste the flesh_

_Bite into me harder, sink your teeth into my flesh_

_Pass the test, ta-taste the flesh:_

_You betcha yer honey ya do_, S.C. purred.

_:Hold my hands above my head_

_And push my face into the bed_

_Cause I_'_m a screamer baby, make me a mute_

_You put your hand upon my neck and feel the pulse_

_Beat, beat, beat, beat_

_It_'_s like a trigger, get me ready to shoot:_

_You_'_ve pulled a trigger befo_'_,_ _haven_'_t ya?_

_:Wanna wrestle with me baby_

_Here_'_s a sneak, little peak_

_You can dominate the game_

_Cause I_'_m tough_

_I don_'_t play around that often_

_When I do, I_'_m a freak_

_So you_'_d better believe I like it rough:_

I facepalmed. _I_'_m flirting with myself_..._I_'_ve gone psycho_...

_:This is not the way into my heart, into my head_

_Into my brain, into none of the above_

_This is just my way of unleashing the feelings deep inside of me_

_This spark of black that I seem to love:_

_C_'_mon, the Ark is empty_. _Red won_'_t tell no one_. _Not that he_'_s even going to notice, considering how _busy _he is at the moment_.

_I_ _won_'_t even analyze that_.

_Good_, S.C. purred as I entered the quarter's I shared with Prowl and Jazz. _The door automatically locks behind ya_, S.C. pointed out. _Plus Jazz had the place soundproofed_. _If yer really that worried about it, ya can take care o_' _yerself in the bathroom an_'_ lock the door_. _Ya can wash it off the walls, it_'_ll all go down the drain, and ya won_'_t have ta worry _'_bout nothing_. _It_'_s just an experiment_. _Not fo_' _fun_. _Jus_' _an experiment_. _No one said ya had ta like it_. _Don_' _make ya any less asexual_. _Jus_' _a physical act ta release tension_. _Jus_' _an experiment_.

I listened to S.C. and locked the door behind me.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers _(2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation 1_.

Angela was Lillian's girlfriend at fourteen.

~0~

I can't even tell you how many searches on the internet I did after my experiment. Or, rather, how long I stayed on the computer. I was done with fooling around. I was getting a hold of myself. I was solving this sexuality business once and for all. To the pit with how long it took. I made a mental list ranging from impossible to possible to 'what the matrix is this?'

_Impossible_:

Heterosexual

Homosexual

Hypersexual

Hyposexual

Intersexual

Objectum Sexual

Pansexual

Polysexual

Semisexual

Trans

_Possible_:

Asexual - Still don't want/crave sex. Ratchet checked for system damage. Nada. :)

Bisexual - Only because I was attached to Angela at one point before becoming 'attracted' to Prowl and Jazz.

Carsexual - *Shrugs* I find certain alt modes appealing (not enough to have sex with or get aroused by). Why not add it?

Robosexual - Maybe this should be changed to 'Cybertronian' sexual or Cybersexual? Maybe it should just be Prowl/Jazz sexual. I've never been 'attracted' to other robots or any of the other transformers.

Queer (Hell, why not? I've got five others...)

_WTM?_

Demisexual - Maybe one day...? I don't know!

I pursed my lips before banging my head once against the table. I groaned, feeling a processor crash coming on. _Why the hell did the being_..._or in this case bonded couple_..._that I am _'_attracted_'_ to have to be advanced robots from another planet that literally feed on pleasure? Maybe we could work out a once a year tradition or something? _I snorted before violently banging my head again the table in front of me. _Yeah right_. _Even Prowl_'_s not that patient_. _Jazz sure as hell won_'_t be_. I sighed before rubbing my head with one hand. _Ow_. _Maybe my next lesson should be restraint_..._with Prowl_. _Jazz may try it with flirting and I can_'_t take that right now_.

"Hey Lillian."

I looked up at Epps. "What's up?"

"Are you okay? You seem frustrated."

_I imagine any person seen banging their head against a table would seem frustrated_. "I am."

"Is it Sonya and Blaster?"

_News travels fast around here_. _Then again, I did yell at Blaster and everyone should be aware of Sonya_'_s condition_... "Surprisenly, no. I'm just trying to wrap my head around this subject."

"What subject?" I stared at him. "It can't be that bad, can it? C'mon, show me the computer. Unless its porn. I really don't want to see that."

I snorted. "It's not that." I turned the computer. "Here. Read this."

He raised an eyebrow. "Demisexuality? How many sexualities are there at this point? I haven't been keeping track."

"As far as I know, there's fifteen."

"Damn girl." He read a few lines before turning the computer back. "No wonder your frustrated. I'm confused just reading that."

I smiled slightly. "Understandable."

"So..." I looked up at him. "Why are you reading about this? Do you plan on being the manager of a demisexuality website?"

"Not exactly. I'm just curious about sexuality is all." I rubbed my forehead again. "However, my curiousity is quickly leading to a processor ache."

"Be sure to head to Ratchet when it gets bad. I'm sure he could answer any questions you have about sexuality while you're in med bay."

_Right_. _Mr have-sex-now-or-face-the-wrath-of-my-evil-wrench docbot? No way in the pit_. "I will. Thanks, Epps." I looked down at the floor for a moment. "Hey Epps?"

"Yeah?"

"Where's Sonya?"

He blinked before looking behind him. "That's odd. I could've sworn she was right behind me..."  
"Epps!" I screammed at him. "You can't leave her alone! What the hell?"

He laughed before holding up his hands. "Easy girl. I left her with Lennox for ten minutes. She'll be fine."

Two seconds later we heard a loud excited scream. It became apparent to us who the source was when Sonya rounded the corner...on a motorcycle...with a helmet. At least, she _was_ on a motorcycle...She fell off mid turn. Luckily it wasn't a regular motorcycle and Elita 1 caught her. Sonya kept laughing until she saw me glaring at her. Lennox noticed and turned to look at me as he ran in. Prowl was right behind him.

"Fine, huh?" I snapped at Epps.

He held up his hands. "I didn't think-"

"You sure_ as hell _didn't," I snarled. "And what the hell is wrong with you two?" I glared at Elita 1 and Lennox. "She has brain damage, for gods' sake! Do you _want_ her to get further damage?"

"She was with me, Lillian," Elita answered calmly. "She was fine."

I crossed my arms. "Really? Because I don't classify falling off as being fine."

"I caught her," she said in self defense.

"I know. I saw. Did Ratchet clear this? Where is he? I'm reporting this."

"No need," Ratchet said as he walked in. "There's no need to be so upset, Lillian. I cleared it."

"You _what?_" All humans cleared the area as I started a showdown with Ratchet. Elita 1 left with Sonya in her hands.

"She is safe with any of the autobots."

"Ratchet, she_ fell off_."

"Elita 1 caught her. Sonya trusts her. That's more than what I can say for you. Have you followed through on your medical order, yet?"

"Ratchet-" Prowl tried to warn.

"No I haven't," I snarled. "And I'm never going to. Let me repeat myself so that you can finally get it into your thick processor. _Intercourse is not vital to my health_."

"You need it," Ratchet argued back calmly. "Especially with the way you've been acting lately."

"_I beg your pardon?_" I said in a low tone of voice as I glared at him. My muscles tensed severely. _On second thought, I can live with not punching Galloway_. _Ratchet, however_..._That idea is very tempting_. _More so than intercourse ever will be_.

"You heard me. You've been even more moody than Blaster. You explode at everything." I didn't think it was possible, but my muscles tensed even more as I straightened up and glared at him. I was seething. It took me a full fifteen seconds to realize that Ratchet wasn't looking at me. By the time I did, it was too late. Ratchet laughed as I scrambled to close the laptop. "So that's it? Your making excuses for yourself to not have sex by looking up sexualities that don't even exist?"

"Ratchet," Prowl said sternly as my face burned and my body tensed severely again. My arms and hands shook and tears formed rapidly. "_Stand down_."

"You don't have authority over me, Prowl."

"Prime does," he shot back.

He snorted. "Oh please. You can't tell me that you actually believe in asexuality or demisexuality. Especially not when it comes to humans."

"It doesn't matter what I think." _Really Prowl? Really? I think that hurt even more than Ratchet_. "You have gone too far. _Look_ at her."

"I am. She looks like she needs a decent overload with a spike."

"_Frag you!_" I growled as I tried, and failed, to control my emotions.

"Frag someone. I don't care who." I nailed Ratchet right in the back of the head with my wrench. "Lillian Wescott-" Ratchet started.

"_Ratchet_," Jazz growled from behind me. "Take a chill pill."

"There is no such thing."

"Then do as Prowl said an' _stand down_. Ya don' wan' ta go against us? Fine. But Optimus_ will not _be happy 'bout this once he gets wind o' it. Ya know as well as Ah do that he does not tolerate a human in danger. _Ya_ are endangering her right now."

"I'm not hurting her."

"Frag that," Jazz spat. "She's crying, you aft! Ya know that there are two types o' harm an' yer violating every emotional one there is."

Ratchet looked right at me before snorting. "Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you."

"Lilly," Prowl said as he leaned down. "He's gone. Lilly, please talk to us." I was curled into a ball. My back faced the air so Prowl and Jazz couldn't see my face. When someone touched my back I flipped out and scrambled away. "Lil-" Prowl said as if trying to reason with me.

"Don't touch me," I cried out. "_Either _of you." I buried my face in my knees as I wrapped my arms around my legs. _I can_'_t_ take_ this anymore_. _I thought that only humans had that sort of unaccepting attitude toward different orientations, but I guess I was wrong_.

**"Perhaps we should give her space," **Prowl suggested.

**"If we give 'er space somethin' bad's gonna happen," **Jazz argued urgently. **"She's broken. What happened? Ah only caught the end." **Prowl replayed the whole event before Jazz facepalmed.** "You idiot."**

**"What?" **Prowl asked genuinely surprised.

**"'It doesn't matter what Ah think?'" **Jazz quoted. **"Are ya mad? Forget the sexuality bit, that's **_**low**_**."**

**"What-?"**

**"Prowl, that's the equivalent o' saying that Ratchet was right an' that ya agree that a human can't be asexual."**

**"I do agree that a human can't be asexual."**

**"Excuse meh?"**

**"Only one percent of the human population claims to be asexual, Jazz. That's hardly a believable statistic."**

**"Who cares 'bout statistics? Prowl, ya jus' killed the femme."**

**"I believe Ratchet caused most of the emotional damage. And I did not kill her. She's sitting-" **Prowl froze when he stopped arguing with Jazz. Jazz followed suit and looked where Prowl was looking. **"Jazz?"**

**"Yeah?"**

**"Where's Lillian?"**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers _(2007) or_ Transformers_: _Generation 1_. The only song used in this chapter was _The A Team _by Ed Sheeran.

~0~

I put my head in my hands while taking deep breaths when I finally focused on reality. _I swear my daydreams are worse than my actual dreams_. I wiped away the tears that had formed with my shirt. I plugged myself into my ipod after closing my laptop. Listening to music always worked on calming me down. I sighed when the lyrics of a certain song sank into me.

_She_'_s in the class A team_

_Stuck in her daydream_

_Been this way since eighteen_

_But lately her face seems_

_Slowly sinking, wasting_

_Crumbling like pastries_

_And they scream_

_The worst things in life come free to us_...

I sighed as I sat up. _Maybe I should take my subconscious_' _advice and speak to Ratchet_. _He already knows asexuality exists_. '_The only way to ignore this situation all together is if you are asexual_. _Are you?_' _He_'_s a medic and an autobot_. _Its his job to make sure his patients are functioning and happy_. _Well_, I thought with a slight smile. _Depending on the patient_. _I_'_m not sure if throwing wrenches at anyone is going to ensure their happiness or safety_. I grabbed my laptop and stuffed it in its bag. _What the hell? Can_'_t be that bad_.

~0~

**"Hey Prowl,"** Jazz said as Prowl commed him.

**"How's she feeling?"**

**"Ah think she's finally coming out o' it. At least somewhat. Based on what was on 'er laptop she's going ta Ratchet."**

**"Good. Commense the operation. I have to set up the procedures for it."**

**"Ya already set 'em up," **Jazz teased. **"Ah saw ya up last night."**

**"I have no idea what you're talking about," **Prowl responded neutrally. He couldn't fool Jazz, though. He felt the amusement over their bond.

**"Uh huh. Ah'm on it."**

**"Jazz?"**

**"Yeah?"**

**"Is Ironhide really going to-?"** Jazz giggled. **"Primus. Never mind."**

**"Ya know ya love meh."**

**"Uh huh," **Prowl thought in good humor. **"Whatever you say, Jazz. Remember the rules."**

**"Prowler, yer in mah head. How can Ah not?"**

**"You'd be surprised. Have fun...Just not too much fun."**

**"What do ya think Ah'm gonna do? Swing from the ceiling?"**

**"If you do I'll have to throw you in the brig."**

**"Oooh...Ah can live with that. Ah love it when ya punish meh."**

**"I need to start thinking of better methods if you enjoy the torture."**

**"Ya enjoy it too," **Jazz responded teasingly.

**"Good**_bye_**, Jazz."**

**"Prowl?"**

**"What?"**

**"Ah'm not going anywhere."**

**"I know. Neither can I."**

**"Ya mean ya would want ta?"**

**"I could never leave you, Jazz. Someone has to keep you in line."**

**"Aw...That's sweet."**

**"I hate you."**

**"Love ya, too, Prowl."**

~0~

"Ratchet?" I asked cautiously as I stuck my head around the corner. I was already down the small hall within the med bay, but I wasn't about to just waltz in Ratchet's territory without permission.

"Hello Lillian. Do you require something?"

"I just want to talk to you." We stared at each other. "What?"

"Nothing," he said as he offered his hand. "I just didn't expect you to want to open up so soon after severe emotional damage."

I smiled. "I'm more concerned about you throwing a wrench at my head. Trust me when I say a simple talk isn't as bad."

"I would never throw a wrench at you," he said sincerely as he placed me on a berth. "What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

"I want you to look at this," I said as I held out my laptop for him to look at.

I half expected him to scoff in ridicule before he stood up straight and looked down at me. "How long have you thought of yourself as asexual?"

I blinked. _Well that was easy_. "Sixteen years. Twenty nine if you count the period in my life where I couldn't feel it at all."

"Have you realized any attraction to any gender recently?"

"Yes. No...Let me put it this way. The couple is Cybertronian. However, there have only been hints of attraction according to my actions. If my estimate is correct it could escalate but it may take time. Hence my next question. Is there any option other than interfacing for the time being that has the same benefits that you desire?"

"Laughter lowers blood pressure and decreases stress hormones."

I raised an eyebrow at his sudden smug look. "Right..."

I froze instinctively when Ratchet wiggled his digits at me. "I could give you a demonstration..."

"T-T-That's not necessary." I cringed when Ratchet neared his servo closer. "There has to be another method."

"Either interface regularly or laugh regularly. I'm not budging on this," he said smugly before crossing his arms. I twitched noticably. _Blackmail_, my mind whispered. "I'll only refrain if you agree to a compromise."

I crossed my arms. "_What _compromise?"

"Release through laughter once every solar cycle."

"Year."

"Week."

"Eight months."

"Two weeks."

"Six months."

"Three weeks."

"Three months," I practically begged.

He smiled. "Month. Final offer."

A growled low in my throat before huffing. "Deal."

"Good. Now scram so I can make the proper arrangements with Prowl and Jazz."

"_What?_" I squeaked. "You can't do that! What happened to patient doctor convidentiality?"

"Well you can't exactly tickle yourself into release. Unless you want me to be your choice torturer, I strongly suggest letting the pair that you may or may not feel attracted to eventually take charge."

Ratchet wiggled his digits at me when I simply stood on the berth and twitched for a full fifteen seconds. I jumped at least a foot in the air before jumping onto Ratchet's hand when he offered it to get down. He poked me when I was about to get off, which sent me bolting out of the room. Just when I thought my situation at the base couldn't get any weirder...the next few weeks proved me wrong.


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Transformers _(2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation_ _1_. _So What_ by Pink was the only song mentioned in this chapter.

~0~

The day when I finally lost it was the day that Primus left the autobots for a vacation at the beach. It was that weird. The morning was fine. I shrugged as usual when Epps asked how I was dealing with Blaster and Sonya being damaged. "It's just a double mental blow. People have handled worse." The question 'have you?' ran through my mind. "I can live with it. Its affecting Blaster and Sonya more than me." That's the sad way of thinking. If the problem isn't mine, it doesn't affect me. _But that_'_s the problem_. _It does affect me_..._Just in small doses at different times_. I'm not the person that has a big crying session and is okay after a cup of coffee. My way of working through a problem is absorbing it and dealing with it. In other words, ignoring it. However, I cannot ignore Blaster since he is my guardian or Sonya since she's my aunt. I would never ignore the autobots. I can accept Sonya having a brain injury and random mood swings. The main problem is Blaster since he has been a moody mess around base. No music allowed even though Prime cleared it. Apparently music ticks Blaster off now. That's great for...no one. Blaster not playing music is like having a human try to fly with no support. Those two things do not coexist and end in destruction unless a miracle happens.

Bluestreak doesn't talk when Blaster's in the same room. Blurr doesn't say anything in that situation except grab Bluestreak and exit before something explodes. _First Aid _is throwing wrenches at random bots just for fun while Ratchet hasn't touched a damn thing and is _socializing with the Twins_. All four of them! Hell, _Red Alert _came out of his office to 'relax' in the rec room and asked Blaster to _watch_ the security room for more than a few hours. That _never _happens. _Never ever for sure ever_. Granted, he was drunk from drinking high grade, but...Yet another thing that is absolutely wacky. That stack of datapads in Jazz's and Prowl's office? Jazz is doing_ both _of them while Prowl _socializes_ in the rec room. My brain stalls just thinking about it and this has been going on for _weeks_.

The humans are either like penguins or ninjas. We either squack loudly with each other with our arms glued to our sides and walk around completely tense or scale the walls. Epps has been in charge of guarding Sonya just to make sure she doesn't say anything to Blaster when she's in her 'hyper happy teenager' mode...Or any mode. She could go psycho on Blaster and it would have the same effect as saying, 'what's up?' Except with Sonya, its not a casual 'what's up?' It sounds like a drunk slur.

'What uuuuup phily willy? Oh, a whale!'

'That's just a plane with a shark painted on it, Sonya.'

'Really? Who the ****-? Trying to **** me, man? Who killed the bait? Ah man! I wanted to be the bait! Who keeps stealing my job? Yo, Lennox! Got a mission?' It would be tragically hysterical if Blaster wouldn't stomp out afterward.

I think Primus really stopped reality when Bumblebee, Sam, and Leo showed up. Don't get me wrong. I was happy that I finally got to see them. One problem. Bumblebee was pink. When he wasn't driving, he wore a tutu. One morning he actually danced in it like a balerina and hummed to his own tune. Sam turned into Samantha with a pink dress, breasts, black converse sneakers, and shaved everything minus her now black punk hair styled like Pink the singer. I had nothing against that besides the fact that Leo was the classic nerd on her arm. I'm talking suit, tie, black square glasses, and the brain to match. I was seriously beginning to wonder if Leo went to M.I.T for punishment and learned something while he was there when he started listing Cybertronian facts. I held my arms limbly at my side as I talked casually with him during that conversation, but some distant voice in my mind was calmly whispering 'wtf is going on...?'

Compared to the days when everything was in the Twilight Zone, I was having a relatively calm day...until Prowl came up to me in the rec room next to the coffee station. "Hello Lillian." I looked at Prowl's holoform. Typical hot cop with one side effect. You know those blue glasses at Claire's with the stripes across them so you can't see...? With the tiny mustache dangling from it to match...? Prowl was wearing those. _Prowl_.

My lips twitched as I raised an eyebrow. "Hello." _Don_'_t laugh_. _If you laugh I will kick your aft_.

He smiled. "Is something the matter?"

"Nope." I looked over Prowl's shoulder so I wouldn't have to look at him. "I realize you've been socializing a lot recently. Did you loose a bet or something?" _You had to if you_'_re wearing those glasses_.

Prowl laughed. The mustache moved in the wind. "What? I'm not allowed to talk with my fellow soldiers?"

_Who the hell gave Prowl a shot of happiness? _"I didn't say that."

He smiled a smile that I would associate with a guy talking with a girl at a bar. Sloppy, confident, and drunk. _Scratch that_. _Who put high grade in Prowl_'_s coffee? Maybe someone put something in _my _coffee_. _That would explain a lot_. "N'aw." _N_'_aw? N_'_aw_. _Wtf? _"Jazz is just being kind. He said that he wanted to give me a break. I give him one every solar cycle, of course." I thought he winked...but it was kind of difficult to tell with the glasses.

I had enough. I had to say something. "Prowl," I said calmly. "Can you _see _throughthose things?"

"I can see through more than just these glasses," Prowl said in a way that reminded me distinctly of flirting. But Prowl doesn't flirt in public. Prowl doesn't_ flirt_. "Besides that," Prowl said after I blinked. "I'm glad that you noticed. Shall I show you what I've been working on lately?"

I blinked again. _This is not Prowl_. "Sure."

"First Aid, turn up the volume!" _Not Prowl_, I repeated over and over again when Prowl strut like he knew I wanted it. _By Primus_, I thought when I took the chance once Prowl's back was turned to look down. _Is Prowl wearing black _heels? I looked beyond Prowl. _Why is First Aid beat boxing like a rapper, have Blaster on his shoulder, and_..._?_ I blinked twice. _Is that Red Alert dancing?_

When Prowl turned around and started to strut back to me, Galloway walked in. "No music in base! Turn that down before I-!" A pink mech I swore to Primus was Bumblebee walked passed Galloway and almost knocked him over. "Watch it, female!" Galloway snapped.

"Who are you calling a female, punk?" My hand flew to my mouth. _By Primus its Ironhide_, I thought in horror. _Laugh and die_, I thought as Galloway turned red in the face and scrambled out of the room.

He tripped over Optimus' foot on the way out. Optimus put his hands on his hips and smiled at Ironhide. I could tell because his face mask was down. "Hey baby, what's shakin'? Ain't I hot like a firetruck?"

Ironhide grinned, ran to Optimus and glomped him screaming, "darling!"

I fell. To the ground. I swear I laughed for five minutes straight. Me laughing was apparently the trigger because everyone, bots and humans, burst out laughing.

When it was relatively calm in the room, Sam walked up to me with a grin on his face, heels in hand. "How the hell did you keep a straight face for so long? We thought for sure you'd crack once you saw Bumblebee or Prowl."

"She did," Prowl said with a smile on his face. His arms were crossed and he still wore the glasses.

I snorted and laughed again. "Who-?" I gasped out before taking deep breaths and calming down enough to look at Prowl. "Who the hell paid you? And you!" I pointed at Ironhide and laughed _again_. I held onto Sam. "Okay, how and why?" I asked in amusement. I looked straight at Optimus. "Or is that a stupid question?"

The smile remained on his face. "Twins."

"That's who," I said in amusement. "Not how and why. Oh my god, Red!" I ran up to Red Alert, suddenly full of energy. "Dude, high five!" Some people laughed at my excitement. Red Alert calmly held out his hand for me to high five after Inferno nudged him. I looked at First Aid. "You too, man! C'mon!" First Aid smiled as he enthuisastically did so. "Dude, your dancing rocks!" I said to Red Alert. "You were all duh duh duh, duh duh duh pow!" I said as I danced as if I was on a sugar high. I pointed at Blaster after I did the disco. "And you played me! Not cool!"

Blaster laughed. "Sorry, Lil. The Twins wanted to get you back for that dare and your prank."

"Cheerin' ya up was a plus, too," Jazz said with his hands on his hips. "Ya were in a funk."

I raised an eyebrow as my smile widened. "Jazz," I started in amusement as people chuckled. "Why are you covered in purple paint and wearing a purple tutu?"

Jazz skipped up over to Bee. "Ya like? This twas' operation doomsday. If this didn't work, we were gonna give up."

"That was enough," I said as I pointed to Ironhide and Prime. "Did you guys plan Galloway...?"

There was laughter all around at that comment. "Chance encounter," Ironhide said with his arms crossed and a smile on his face.

"Well I have to say that that was the best prank that I have ever been on the receiving end of. I would congrat the Twins, but they aren't here."

"I believe they're in the med bay with Ratchet," Prowl said in amusement.

"Yeah." Jazz giggled. "Getting their processor's checked."

"You should get yours checked, too, Jazz," Prowl said seriously even though he had a smile on his face. "Only an insane mech would wear a tutu."

"I beg your pardon?" Bumblebee asked with his hands on his hips.

"I happen to think that I look attractive, thank you very much!" Jazz exclaimed. "Well fine! I don' need ya! Blasta!" Blaster laughed before playing _So What _through his speakers. Everyone fell over laughing again when Jazz started dancing with Bumblebee.

I recovered enough after a minute to look up at First Aid. "Aid," I said in amusement. He nodded before lifting me up and bringing me to the med bay. I heard the familiar clank of a wrench colliding with metal before laughing. Everything really was back to normal. "Twins," I said when First Aid and I entered. "You win at life. You all deserve a free 'no wrench' pass."

"Tell that to Ratchet," Sunstreaker grumbled as he rubbed his helm.

"I'm guessing the prank was a success?" Sonya asked from the berth that was closest to the door. She had a smile on her face with her arms crossed.

First Aid put me down before going over to Ratchet. "You are the worst aunt ever for making me think you were brain damaged," I said in amusement before hugging her. "But I love you anyway."

"As do I," she said when we seperated. "Love you, I mean. No need to make my ego bigger by saying I love myself."

I snorted. "Right."

The mini twins whisled. "Damn girl. You hot for your aunt?"

I made a face. "Ew."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Ow! Femme, what the hell-? Ow! Stop that!"

"No swearing," she berated in amusement.

"Who the hell-? Ack! Damn girl! Ow! This is abuse!"

"What's abuse is not telling me you were attracted to Jazz."

I blushed when I lifted my head up. "What? You know Jazz? Ow! Who gave you a wrench?"

"That's not important," she said in amusement. "And of course I know Jazz. Doesn't everyone?" She had a point. "I know we don't talk much, but can't you share a girl moment with me _once?_"

"You wanted me to convert to straight and I was upset."

She blinked. "When did I say that?"

I finally dropped my arms and looked at her in confusion. "When you were yelling at me about the silent treatment." She blinked again. "You said something about classes and paying for them...?"

"Oh that. Lilly, when I said you were questioning yourself, I was talking about a sex change."

I blinked. "What the-?" She held up the wrench. I held up my hands in response. "What possessed you to think that I wanted a _sex change?_"

"Well you haven't had sex yet and you've never masturbathed, so-"

"Sonya!" I screeched.

"What?"

"You don't announce that!" I said as I flailed.

"Why not? We're in the med bay with two medics. I figured it was safe to."

"Yeah, with four patients."

She smiled. "Those four patients left."

I looked at where the twins were a minute ago before huffing and crossing my arms. "Who told you that I've never done any of those things?"

"Blaster and Ratchet."

"Ratchet, you-Where'd he go?" I heard moaning from Ratchet's office. "Never mind."

"Lillian, is it so unrealistic that we thought that you were uncomfortable with your body with those personal factors?"

I pursed my lips before sighing. "No. I'm not uncomfortable with my body, Sonya. The reason why I've never done any of those things is because I'm not interested in sex."

"Until you met Jazz," she said in amusement.

"How did you get this information?"

"Blaster."

"You know-? Ow! Seriously femme, quit doing that! I have enough injuries!"

"I'll stop hitting you when you wake up," she said seriously. "I've been Blaster's socket for years."

I blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"He never told you?"

"No. He's been too busy trying to court me into interfacing."

"Really? I'll have to punish him for not telling me that."

I made an X with my arms. "I did not need that mental image."

She grinned. "I would love to know where your mind goes."

"No you don't."

"Did it involve a whip?"

I facepalmed.

I heard a chuckle behind me. "Does now."

"Don't you dare encourage her," I grumbled to Jazz as Blaster lifted Sonya up to his spark.

"C'mon, Blaster," Sonya said with a wink. "Let's leave these kids alone and go do some crazy things with a whip."

"Evil femme," I mumbled before Sonya threw the wrench at my head. "_Ow! _Blaster, control your femme!"

"Oh, I will," Blaster said with a wink before leaving.

I rubbed my head. "We did not just witness that," I said to Jazz as he offered his hand to me.

"Ah dunno," Jazz said I climbed on. "Might be kinda hard ta delete it from meh main frame-"

"_Try_."

"Alrighty."

"Jazz?"

"Yeah?"

"Where are we going?"

"Our room."

"Why?"

"There have ta be a reason?"

"No. I just thought you might want to wash the paint off first."

"Prowler'll do that later. Ah jus' wan' ya ta hear somethin'."

I raised an eyebrow._ If he has to wait until then_..._Is it something bad? _Jazz set me on the ground once we were safe inside the main room. Jazz sat next to me. I waited...observed Jazz slowly display a grin...and heard something that sounded, oddly enough, like my experiment a few weeks ago. _He was on base_..._He was _on base._ And he recorded the whole thing! Scrap! _"I...um...that-it-um..." Jazz grinned at my burning face. "I suppose this would be a good time to read my rights?"

"Ah ain't gonna _publish _the thing, Lil," Jazz chuckled.

"Why record?" I mumbled.

"Fo' fun?"

"I thought you were, you know...fighting."

"Prowl an' I always hang back fo' a big mission ta protect the base. I 'twas-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. _Prowl _was on base?"

"Yeah."

"Does he know?"

"Does it matter if he does?"

I facepalmed and groaned. "Scrap."

"He ain't gonna tell no one, Lil."

"I know, but...scrap."

"Where'd ya get a mouth like that?"

"Sam." _Where else?_

"Actually..." I looked at Jazz inquisitively. "Neva' mind. Sammy'll tell ya later."

I snorted as I looked away. After ten seconds or so I glanced back at him. "So...um..." He smiled at me. "Why'd you play it? The recording."

"Fo' a reaction."

"That's it?"

"Yep."

"Are you going to keep it?"

"Do ya wan' meh to?"

_No!_ I glanced in the opposite direction again. "Not really," I grumbled.

He chuckled. "I'll delete it, Lil. Don' worry."

_Yeah, sure_. _When, exactly? When you get through using it for blackmail? _I huffed before frowning. "Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Yep." I stared at the ground. "Don' tell meh Ah'm annoying ya already. What's it been? Five minutes? Dang girl. Am Ah that crazy?"

I smiled slightly. "Your not crazy," I reasurred before turning my head away more so that my hair covered more of my face. "Your sweet," I mumbled. _Which is why it_'_s so difficult for me to decide whether to show you this or not_.

"Well, Ah won't ova stay mah welcome," Jazz said as he stood up.

I looked up at him, confusion written all over my face. "Jazz, its _your _room. You don't have to leave."

"_Our _room, Lil," Jazz corrected. "Besides, ya need space right now. Ah see that."

"Wait!"

Jazz froze mid step and looked back at me, concerned. "What up?"

"Can you sit down for a sec?" I asked with nervous eyes.

He obligued. "Why do Ah get the feeling ya gonna shoot meh?"

I pursed my lips in disaproval. "I would never _shoot you_, Jazz."

"Then what up? Yer wound up tighter than a turbo spring."

"I have to show you something that's been...bothering me..."

"Are ya waitin' fo' meh ta rust o' somethin?" Jazz asked after thirty seconds.

"I'm just...trying to figure out how to word it..."

"Ya jus' said ya would _show it _to meh, Lil. Wanna sit on meh lap?"

"No, that's...not necessary..." _If you decide to shoot me, I at least have a fighting chance_. "Just...promise me you won't be mad?" _Or go psycho lover on me_..._?_

"Yer kinda scarin' meh, Lil. Is it that bad?"

I looked down. "It's...um...no, I guess not..." I held out my hand. "Cable?" I whispered. "Please?" Jazz obliged. I took a deep breath as I plugged in. Once the noise in both our heads calmed down, I showed the dream that I had in the medbay after the truth and dare incident. I waited...and waited...and waited. My heartbeat was rapid as I imagined what Jazz was thinking. _To kill or not to kill?_ It was idiotic to think he would, but I couldn't help but question if maybe he had been a decepticon at one point. Not that it mattered. Soundwave was easy enough to change to neutral. But that didn't matter. Not really. _He_'_s with the autobots now, why should it matter? It doesn_'_t_. What mattered was his reaction...I wasn't getting any.

I felt Jazz disconnect. "Ah have ta go get Prowl," Jazz said in a low tone.

I nodded, not looking up as Jazz left. When the door closed behind him, I brought my knees up to my chest and lowered my head. _He_'_s not coming back, is he?_


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers_ (2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation_ _1_.

The following songs were used in this chapter:

Changed the way you kiss me by Example

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

I cannot take credit for the socket idea, history, or terminology. Although I am not part of the socket community, the gateway for new ideas for this story that it opened was too good to give up or let go to waste. Therefore, I would (once again) like to thank Femme4jack, who gave me permission to post the story, and all of the authors who worked on any of the stories on the Sockets account. They include, but are not limited to: Femme4jack, Aniay (the original co-creator with Femme4jack for the POV verse that helped spawn Dathana de Gray), Gatekat, Chai16, Wilderness, Zomgitsalaura, Fallentaiyoko, Prophetbot, Ace_of_the_arts, Antepathy, Laulun-siivet, sakon76, thepheonixqueen, Flybystardancer, baka_no_neko and Karl Wolfemann.

**Bonded** **Speech**

~0~

_:I_'_ve never been afraid of the highest heights_

_Or afraid of flying now_

_I_'_ve never been afraid of the wildest fights_

_Not afraid of dying:_

_Those who truly care will not leave_.

_:But now I want off this ride_

'_Cause_ _you_'_re scaring me and I don_'_t like where we_'_re going:_

_He left_.

:_I know you_'_re gonna miss me_

_I guarantee you_'_ll miss me_

'_Cause you changed the way you kiss me:_

_What am I supposed to do with that?_

_:We used to be so so soulful_

_Al Green on the background vocals_

_T-Total we_'_re on the next high_

_We get by with a so called soul mate made for each other chit chat_

_But that dried up wise up to the cutting edge facts:_

_It only counts if he doesn't come back_.

_:Now I_'_m chilling on my Jack Jones_

_Looking for a way back home but I can_'_t get back_

_Our love feels wrong please wind it back_

_Our love feels wrong can_'_t hide the cracks:_

_He said he was getting Prowl_.

_:I guarantee you_'_ll miss me_

'_Cause you changed the way you kiss me:_

_Have some faith_.

_:Heart beats fast_

_Colors and promises_

_How to be brave:_

_If you didn_'_t have any_...

_:How can I love when_ _I_'_m afraid to fall_

_But watching you stand alone_

_All of my doubt_

_Suddenly goes away_

_One step closer:_

_You wouldn't be here_.

"Lil...Lil?" I lifted my head up slowly, like a second hand inching across a clock like a snail. I slowly got to my feet and stumbled into Jazz's hands. "Easy." He lifted me up. I said nothing as I felt his plating beneath my hands. Smooth. Silver. _Real_. I closed my eyes as I lifted the hand that wasn't touching Jazz's armor to my neck, tapping the socket. Prowl plugged in after my hand fell to my side.

_I know it sounds silly_...

_:I have died everyday waiting for you:_

_Maybe it only sounds silly in my head_...

_:Darlin_' _don_'_t be afraid:_

_But_...

_:I have loved you for a thousand years:_

_Please_...

_:I_'_ll love you for a thousand more:_

Never_ do that again_.

_:Time stands still_

_Beauty in all she is_

_I will be brave_

_I will not let anything take away_

_What_'_s standing in front of me_

_Every breath_

_Every hour _

_Has come to this:_

"Ya ready ta talk now?" Jazz whispered as he rubbed my back.

_Your not mad?_

"It is common knowledge that Jazz was a decepticon. You had no reason to fear that he would react negatively."

_He left_.

"Ah came back."

"Regardless of what Prowl told me, I still expected the worst possible scenario." _Less heartbreak that way_.

"Lil, we ain't gonna leave ya. We love ya."

"I know, but..." _I don_'_t know if I can make you both happy_.

"I do not believe that you are truly aware of the magnitude of our love for you, Lilly," Prowl said as he took me in his hands. "If you did, you would know that we don't care that you are asexual."

_But you guys_ feed _on pleasure_. _I_ _can_'_t give you the pleasure you need_.

"Ya won't have ta worry 'bout the physical pleasure. We already have that taken care of."

I raised an eyebrow. "We already have another socket," Prowl explained.

_I see_... "How long has this person been your socket?"

"Few months."

"Species?" Jazz's visor flashed. _Just checking, mech_.

"Human."

"Name?"

They stared at each other as if to say, _you tell her_. _No, _you_ tell her_. "Miles Lancaster."

"And I haven't seen him around because...? At least, I'm assuming-What?" They stared at me. "I don't know if the kid is male or not! Could be trans for all I know..."

"Male," Prowl clarified.

"We didn't want ya ta freak if ya found out his last name. Why ain'tcha freakin' out now?"

"If Miles was the Desmond I knew, you wouldn't let him be your socket...I'm assuming...Well, unless Desmond changed his name..." Prowl shook his head. "Point is, if you guys chose him, he has to have a good heart. Um...how old is he, exactly?"

"Nineteen."

"Lil, thing 'bout Desmond...He's kinda-"

"Deceased."

**Nice, Prowl.**

**What?**

**I was **_**tryin**_**' ta break it ta her gently.**

_No sense beating around the bush if we_'_re going to end up with a guessing game_, I pointed out before shrugging. "At this point, I don't have any emotional attachment to the guy." I glanced at Prowl. "How's Miles doing?"

"Better."

"We've been keeping him _real_ happy," Jazz said with a grin.

I chuckled when Prowl nudged him. "I bet you have." I winked at Prowl. "Help out much?"

"Don't break him, Lil," Jazz teased.

"If he didn't break wearing those glasses and strutting with heels-Where'd your tutu go?"

Jazz laughed while Prowl cracked a smile. "Lil, ya _jus_' noticed that Ah wasn't wearin' it?"

"Well forgive me for being a little_ distracted_."

"Oh, _Prowl_..." Jazz teased. "Ya jus' _gotta_ hear the record-"

"Don't you dare play that! Jazz! Iswearbloodyrecordinggoingup inflamesain'tnowayinhell-!"

"Okay, okay!" Jazz laughed. "Chillax!"

"I'll ask later," Prowl said after surveying the situation.

"When I'm _not_ in the room, for the love of Primus," I begged.

"Whatever makes ya happy, Lil."

_Speaking of making me happy_... "Will your socket be okay with a platonic relationship with me?"

"The fact that ya considering will make him happy."

"What'd ya do? Tell the kid I was misspsychodon'ttouchmeordiebloodalloverthe place?"

"Sorta?"

"Did you plan on giving him a heart attack? Sheesh. Now he's going to be all nervous when I meet him...I _am_ meeting him, right?"

"Soon. Lilly..."

"Yes?"

"Will you allow us to test your boundaries as our socket?" I blinked at him curiously before tilting my head. "No intercourse aside from injecting the claiming nanites and setting up the protocols. Nothing spontaneous." I nodded. "Kissing?"

"We can test it."

"Socket connection?"

"Fine."

"Cuddling?"

"Fine." I smiled at Prowl. "I may have to get used to it with you, though."

He twitched a smile. "You will find that it will occur less often with me unless you ask or Jazz ignites a group cuddling session. That has happened before."

I raised an eyebrow. "In your office?"

"There have been more awkward locations."

"Such as...?"

"Prime's office."

I laughed. "How did Optimus react?"

"You kidding? Prowl was sandwiched between me and him."

I snorted. "I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?"

"Jazz came in during a private meeting and randomly hugged me. I told him to move and he wouldn't. Prime joined after Jazz asked after I attempted to move."

"What did he do? Put his arms around your neck?"

"Leg."

"You have officially ruined my mental image of Optimus Prime."

"You did ask."

"True." I yawned.

"Wanna recharge with us tonight? We won't try nothing."

"Well I'm certainly not going to Blaster's quarters tonight."

"Morning," Prowl corrected.

"Time?"

"Two."

I yawned. "Feels like it." Jazz kissed my forehead and rubbed my back as Prowl placed me on their berth. I gave up trying to remain coherant and collasped on my back. "You make me way too comfortable."

"I'm down with that," Jazz mumbled as he laid next to me.

Prowl kissed one of my hands before powering down his optics. "Pleasant dreams, Lillian."

_:And all along I believed_

_I would find you_

_Time has brought_

_Your heart to me_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more:_

For once, I believed in that possibility.

**Author's Note:** Thank you for reading, reviewing, favoriting, etc!


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